ok, here it goes.I'm 35 and suffering from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). When I was growing up and I was 6 years old I was molested and raped by my father every single day until I was 16 yrs old and finally found the courage to get up and leave the house.I lived with this secret for most of my life. At 26 I confronted my mother and told her everything. At the time my younger sister was diagnosed with cancer, so my mother asked me to put it on hold, and not to say a word to anyone until my sister got better. Well at 30 my sister was doing better, and was finally released from the hospital and she began to live a normal life like everybody else. I took that opportunity to confront my father, and my mother got upset. Now at 35 I refuse to be a part of the family. My mom is playing games with my dad doesnt know if she wants to be with him or not, Im the oldest of 6 girls, he molested and raped three of us...even if my mom decides to stay with him, should I continue to talk to her?
2006-09-19 08:55:58 · 22 answers · asked by anonymous 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Well this is pretty deep. First, i'm sorry for your pain. No one should have to grow up dealing with molestation especially from a family member. Your situation is just that your's and you have to do whatever you have too to get your life right. You have to take care of YOU. Your mom has to live with her decision just like your father has to live with what he has done to you and your other 2 sisters. Don't allow your parents to dictate your life now. Your dad dictated it for 10 years and now it is time for you to take your power back. Take your life back. If you haven't gotten professional help, get some quickly. Take control of your life. Yes your past is painful and it hurts to have that type of past but your past doesn't have to be your future. You and I are the same age and I feel like I have a little longer to enjoy my life. Just like you. You have time to enjoy the life you've been given. Once you recover from the past the future will look so beautiful. Take Care and keep your head up.
2006-09-19 09:09:11 · answer #1 · answered by ga_gyrl91 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As much as all around you need to be taken into consideration, the first thing you need to do is:
TAKE CARE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON - YOU
Hopefully, you've been able to have or have seeked counseling. In a situation like this, I'm quite sure that having that help will, in the long run, help you live a full life.
From how you've written your note, you seem like a strong person; take that to the next step & if need be, speak to a lawyer about seeking either damages from your father or having him arrested for child molesting - if he's done it to you & your 3 sisters, chances are that he may also have done it to some other child - he needs to be behind bars & counseled himself.
Good luck to you!
2006-09-19 09:03:14 · answer #2 · answered by Wolfe222 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen I have been there. I had ptsd, but it only flared up when mention of my dad or seeing him came up. I was on prozac for most of my life, then 1 day. I chose not to let him control my life. My 1/2 brother went into business with him and took his side on everything even though he knows the truth. I haven't spoke to my brother in 10yrs. I do miss him, but I know my dad is capable of making my bro believe anything and I could end up getting myself hurt. My only regret is not pressing charges againt him. My bro has a daughter and I will always wonder if he is hurting her. Good get some counceling. If you have a husband or boyfriend talk to them and let them in. Sex is really hard to have after that, but it is possible to live a heathy and noraml life. You make that choice. Don't let what he did 2 u control the rest of ur life. Prove to him he has no control over u.
2006-09-19 09:05:16 · answer #3 · answered by for_runner0 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to decide what is right for you. You have to take care of yourself. If talking to your mother causes more pain for you then don't. But in order to truly live you will have to forgive. Don't think you will ever convince your mother of anything. It really doesn't matter that she deals with it or not.
You are an adult responsible for yourself. I don't believe you will ever find satisfaction through your mother. I am sorry about that. But you can find healing. And I hope you can get past this. I also had things that I allowed to control my life. I had to chose life and stop holding on to the past. I will be thinking about you. That is a truly undeserved thing to have happen to you.
2006-09-19 09:06:51 · answer #4 · answered by Kelli 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a horrible situation that I would not wish to put on anyone.
I cannot answer that question as someone who has been there or as an expert on the subject, I'm not.
However, I can understand why you would not want to be in any further contact with your father. It's not a stretch for me to believe that you would want to punish your mom for staying with him either. However, I don't know that it would serve any positive purpose to punish her for her decision to stay with her husband. She will make her decision on many other factors besides what happened to you and your sisters--probably not the least of which would be her love for her husband.
Best wishes to you, whatever you decide to do.
2006-09-19 09:09:27 · answer #5 · answered by Leroy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if your mom decides to stay with your father and does not acknowledge what he did to you and your other siblings, i don't think you should talk or see her anymore. right always comes first before wrong. if i were a mother -- children comes first before anything else.
i know you want to confront your father because you want to know if he feels any remorse for what he did to you when you were younger. you want him to realize that... he could have gone in jail if told a trusted adult what he's been doing to you when you were young. but you didn't -- it doesn't mean that he can get away with it. it's not really wise to confront him about it -- but it is something that you probably want to gamble, and i suggest that you do it once only... keep in mind that if a man feels guilty for what he did -- he will come up to you and express his sorrow for doing such things to you, and not wait for you to confront him about it. if he does not come up to you to apologize and pay for his sins -- i have a feeling that he doesn't even feel not a tiny bit of remorse at all. if this is the case, it's better to move on and get rid of these people. i know it sounds harsh that you are burning bridges and that you don't want to speak to your family anymore -- but they are the ones who are at fault here, not you. this is a serious matter that they did not address in the first place.
2006-09-19 09:16:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry to hear about what happened to you, I don't think you should completely stop talking to your mom but do stay away from them. I can't stand mothers that know that their kids are beign raped by their husbands and they won't leave them. Stick around your mom and you and your sisters should go seek profesional help, try to make them do the same. The best of luck to you.
Keep strong!!!
2006-09-19 09:05:30 · answer #7 · answered by lluvia2wcc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would still talk to her b/c you still need her in your life. I kind of understand what you are going through my mom went through the same thing except her step-dad molested her and her mom stayed with him and it was very hard for her but you will get through it just take it a day at a time.
Good Luck
I wish you all the best.
2006-09-19 09:00:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you shouldnt...your mother is as much to blame as your father is, If your other sibling sisters are still living under the same roof as your parents, I would suggest for you to take them into your care. Keep them safe from your parents. This was lack of parenting even from your mothers part. I am very sorry to hear that you went through this in your childhood, and how evil your mother must be not to help you through this and not even acknowlege what had happend. Please take care of yourself.
2006-09-19 09:00:58 · answer #9 · answered by bella 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its your mom, I would say be there for her, and support her, love her and look out for her, but I wouldn't associate with your father. You have to understand where she is coming from, that's her husband that you are talking about, and they've been together for a long time. It must be really hard for her as well, so I'd try to be there for her as much as you can too. Just keep in slight contact, keeping her up to date with your health and general whereabouts, you know what I mean? Sorry to hear your dad was a prick!
2006-09-19 09:48:09 · answer #10 · answered by Hannah 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋