I just turned 47 today and I feel awful. I'm not really old, but I'm certainly not young either. Don't know where I fit in. I am married, but hubby is all I have. My parents are dead and I have no brothers or sisters.....no family to speak of. I'm depressed. I have a new job (only been there 3 1/2 weeks now), and come to find out today, I didn't do so well yesterday on some stuff. I can't afford to lose this job either. Today just sucks. I know my hubby won't remember to get me a card, let alone plan anything. Probably if we had more money that would help I guess. But I'll have to fix dinner as usual. I just wanted today to be special and it's not. In ANY way, shape or form. Any ideas as how to NOT be so depressed ?
2006-09-19 08:49:54 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
First of all... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
Now... I'm 47 too... so I know what that's like... but as for the rest, we're leading separate lives. I have a husband I've only been married to since February, a busted up family all over the country (most of whom I don't speak to), seven children I love (but some I hardly see - one is autistic and bipolar and very difficult) and a stepdaughter who is difficult and who hates me because I'm not her mother.
I would sell my whole family to have "only" my husband most days because we hardly have any time together at all...
That being said, the grass is always greener elsewhere, isn't it? Let's attack each issue one at a time:
Where you fit in is where you want to fit in. If you're not satisified with your life, try something new. If you need to feel more fulfilled, consider volunteering at a local shelter, thrift store or food closet. There's nothing like seeing people who have it a lot worse off than you to make you appreciate what you have... and learn that you have a great deal to offer others as well. Volunteer at a local Head Start program. Teaching at-risk children is quite a job and those teachers do it for very little pay, mostly part time.
Did you have children who grew up and moved out or not have children at all? If you never had children, but always wanted them, consider foster care... or working as a reading mentor or literacy coach at a local elementary school. If those hours would interfere with your regular job, see if there's a domestic violence shelter near you where you could help with children on weekends. Help gather clothes/food for those less fortunate. Every community has action agencies looking for volunteers. It's very rewarding in many ways.
Now... congratulations on the new job!! Just because you have one day where you don't do well on something, doesn't mean you're going to lose the job. I think your mind might have been on today... so you weren't focused. Apologize to whoever you need to... learn more... move on.
Do you really think your husband won't remember your birthday? Hmm... okay now that just sucks. I don't think more money would help him have a better memory... and I hear you on the money issue that you can't afford to go out... but you don't have to fix dinner as usual. If no one else will take note of YOUR birthday, then YOU take note of it. Fix what YOU want for dinner. Make yourself a special dessert. Splurge and go to a local bakery or Italian restaurant and get a couple of cannolis if they're your favorite dessert... or choose something else...
I would say to take yourself out to dinner (some restaurants do dinner for you for free if it's your birthday!) but then you're not even giving the husband a chance to be a smart man or blow it... the note on the door when he got home would assume that he forgot... hmmm....
Call around. Find out who does free dinner for birthday people. Inform the husband when he comes home without a plan that you're going out and he's taking you and you're coughing up the money somehow for ONE dinner. There's also restaurant.com and coupons for buy one get one free all over.... check some of those out and find some place affordable.
It's easier to fix the birthday issue than it is to fix the overall feeling of "don't know where I fit in." It is possible that you actually do have some level of depression if this is not just a "today" thing but something more ongoing. Consider that possibility after you get through the day, yes?
As for today... find an affordable way to go out to dinner and don't let anything deter you. Here's a list of some freebies for birthday people... call first to be sure it's offered in your area: http://journals.aol.com/adlessor/ACoupleofNomads/entries/2004/12/11/free-meal-on-your-birthday/692
Here's my other secret, just put in your zip code and it'll spit out specials in your area and you print out the gift certificate from your computer and take it in for buy one get one free or you pay $10 for a $25 gift certificate or something like that: http://www.restaurant.com
Take charge of your own birthday. If he comes home with a nice idea... that's great. Otherwise, just INFORM him that it's your birthday so you're not cooking and you guys are going out, period. He's probably feeling depressed and tired too if there are money problems. That's a real killer. I know it. I've lived it too... living it now. Allow some joy to step back in there just for one day and do something special when you need to in order to survive the daily crap we call life.
Happy birthday... and I hope you do something YOU enjoy :)
2006-09-19 09:17:25 · answer #1 · answered by thegirlwholovedbrains 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Happy Birthday
I believe attitude has a major impact when you have situation depression like you seem to have.
You have friends, visit them, talk to them.
As far as the new job, going to work with a good attitude will help. You are still "learning the ropes" so ask for a mentor to help you when needed. I found the hardest thing for people to say is "I don't know" and then struggle to do something, which usually ends up incorrect if you don't know what you are dong.
Work, through the lunch break, is a good way to expand your social contacts.
A birthday card costs, but what about him making dinner, cleaning the house, etc. It is the little things a hubby can do that make a very special present.
My husband invited birthday month, birthday week, etc., years ago to con me into doing his chores. And it worked. And if you have not communicated to hubby you are unpset or what you want from him, shame because he cannot read your mind.
Talk to him tonight, over a nice cup of tea or stronger. Say, would you please ...................
Good luck
2006-09-19 16:38:00 · answer #2 · answered by banananose_89117 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Happy birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you Happy Birthday dear______ Happy Birthday to you.........................
There no reson for you to be depressed. You have more then one reason to be happy about 1st you made it to your 47th bithday, today is your day so make it special!!!! Yes it's true money make a difference but it shouldn't be the reason for you not to have any plans for tonight, you can still do alot of stuff and you are not really going to spend a lot of money, If your husband dosen't plan anything for you it's ok don't take it so serious men don't always have all those good ideas make plans with him and just tell him ok today is my birthday and I want you take me here and i want to do this and that whatever you feel like doing be creative. There is plenty of places you can go have dinner that it won't cost you a fortune do things you normally wouldn't do 2nd you have a job do you even have any idea how many people are out there looking for a job? you been there only a few weeks so chill is normal to make mistakes we all do even though we been working at the same place for years so come down is not the end of the world you are putting to much pressure on yourself just lear from this mistake that way it wont happend again and prove them that you are ready and able to lear new things.
Engoy It!
2006-09-19 16:35:48 · answer #3 · answered by ixelda 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
You've got to focus on what you have instead of dwelling on negatives. I do the same thing all the time. It's easy to fall into the self pity pattern. The best thing to do is just remind yourself all of the good things in your life.
And you can't tell me one person who doesn't have a bad day at work from time to time. I know I have, but I've also had many more good days. Don't dwell on what happened yesterday, just learn from it.
If your husband is the type that doesn't remember cards or make plans then take the initiative to do it yourself. Plan for a special meal out or something, no matter how small, that will make you happy today. It doesn't have to be expensive to make a difference in your day.
Remember, you have so much to be thankful for. There are so many people out there who have it worse and would like to be in your situation.
Be strong and Happy Birthday!
2006-09-19 16:11:29 · answer #4 · answered by WaggyK 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you depressed about aging or just in general? Anybody can feel depressed. The world can just feel colorless. It is as if a cloud as overshadowed your soul. Without help depression worsens and there can be physical symptoms, like lack of energy. Depressed people often say they feel only half alive. This is true because it numbs our emotions. Feeling low also feeds itself. Some people need medication and therapy. Antidepressants have become very popular but you can use homepathic and herbal remedies as well. Find releif through spiritual practice, yoga, and meditation.
Birthdays can make a girl blue and you are concerned about your job. Every decade a woman enters seems to acompanied by a new level of beauty-product dependence and other ideals - career woman, picture-perfect lover, and mother. Take heart in new role models. The more inspiring women you see who aren't girls anymore, the more encouraged you will feel. Women like Susan Sarandon and Melissa Etheridge can help us see we have a lot to look forward to. Appreciate what you can. Try and spark a romantic evening with your husband, instead of waiting for him, enjoy your own energy, and anything you like about yourself, maybe you have beautiful soft skin or a witty sense of humor. If you think of your birthday as a big downer each year then it surely will be. Be kind to yourself. Happy Birthday!
Celebrate you.
2006-09-19 16:13:43 · answer #5 · answered by Rhianna 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Redrock ,
47 isn't that old . Wait till you get to my shoes.
As for your husband, Hints (including a frying on head) help . We men aren't good with dates that's why i use post notes.
As for depression, start an exercise program. Start small - a 10 min walk with your favorite songs work up to 30 min a day over 3 mths so the walk becomes a habit not a chore. Then drag husband along - surprise you can talk with him then.
As for the job, you were looking when you found this one , right? Do the best you can every day and they will see your value. Go to the library, Get '48 days to work.job you love' and 'What color is your parachute' Read Digest Ingest understand and act on info. Life will get better one day at a time if you work it.
Learn to increase your circle of friends (locally with a smile) and even on inet. Volunteer at something of interest to you. Tag bases with me if you need been where you are . Got out :-)
2006-09-19 16:08:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all....."Happy Birthday"! Now, 47 is not old at all! If you don't think your Husband will not remember your birthday, do something nice for "Yourself". Spend the day/night doing what you want to do. go to a salon, get a haircut, (a new, fresh look) that sometimes can lift your mood., go to a hour of jazzercise, exercise will lift your mood., go shopping, buy yourself a new outfit, take yourself out to dinner, or suggest that you and your husband go out to dinner. Do whatever makes "you" feel good. As far as the job, tell yourself that you will do better tomarrow, maybe with your new outfit and haircut, that will change your way of thinking and you will do better when you feel better. Hope you have a good birthday whatever you decide to do. Oh, and if you are worried about spending the money, don't be! You deserve to have one day for yourself! Now make sure you do something for you today!
2006-09-19 16:05:38 · answer #7 · answered by zoe 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Think happy thoughts. Dont let negative thoughts take over you. Please understand that your mind is very powerful and you should not rely on others to make you happy. Make yourself happy. Think of what you are blessed with. Be thankful for all you do have. Open your curtains, use some incense, get some flowers even if they are from your backyard, play some happy music. Dont dwell.
A Rose Bouquet for your birthday
On this day of thanking God for you, I pray
For His peace to encompass you
And for the faith to believe
In all the best that He will do.
May you find the courage you need
To rest in God's amazing grace,
With a wondrous vision
Of compassion on His gentle face.
Each morning as you wake, I pray
You will see the beauty of His caring ways
As He holds you to His heart to heal
Any sadness born of yesterday.
May you always feel protected
Holding onto Jesus loving hand,
As He leads you ever onward
Into all He'd have you understand.
Because the love that He has purposed
For your future will come true,
As you look to see beyond
The eternity within you.
I pray His special blessing
Of loving friends forever near,
To know the miracle of prayerful peace
To take away all fear.
And may you know sweet angels hovering
Protecting you, so near above,
This is my prayer for you on your special day
With everlasting love.
Soft Whispers from
Derry's Heart Poems © 2005
heartwhispers@iinet.net.au
This is especially for you. Peace and Love your way.
2006-09-19 16:07:31 · answer #8 · answered by wonderwoman 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For today.... Buy yourself some flowers with a "Happy Birtday" card attached. Then, let hubby see them. One, it will be a reminder to him of your birthday. Two, it might make him a little jealous and prompt a little of needed attention from him. Three, you need to do something for yourself. It never hurts to show yourself a little love now and then.
For your current life circumstance.... Find a social hobby. Go on a little adventure. Go do something that will introduce you (preferably you and hubby) to other people. Develop some friendships.
The important thing to aging is to not let our spirit age with our bodies. And remember, if you don't tend your own inner light, no one else can see you shine.
And.... Happy Birthday to you!
2006-09-19 16:10:12 · answer #9 · answered by Shaman 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If no one is going to make it special than you have to, because you are the one that cares so much about your day. Since you had a bad day, regardless of the outcome, treat yourself to something special. It really does not have to cost money. Run a hot bath, light some candles and reflect on all you have had to be happy for all these years. I had that same problem but on my bday I bought me a little two pack of cupcakes, came home took a hot bath and then got out cooked dinner and stuck a candle in my cupcakes and felt happy. My boyfriend and I didn't have that much money and he was so tired from work I knew he wouldn't do anything so I did it for myself. I remember it to this day, sounds sad but you have to make things happen instead of sitting around and waiting for someone else to do it.
2006-09-19 15:58:26 · answer #10 · answered by latinaprincess13 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋