Okay, on one hand, I think I am lucky to have my boyfriend. He is funny, nice, and easy going. He will do anything I ask. He is attractive. On the other hand he wants all of his friends to come over every weekend and drink. They dont clean up after themselves and I am sitting in our room trying to get what peace I can from their blaring music. He has some friends I dont like, but he still wants them to come over. I dont want to tell him who to be friends with but I dont want to be forced to be nice to people I dont want to be around. Also, he doesnt take the initiative to clean. I have to ask him, or he will ask me "why isnt the dishes done?" And I will say, "I dunno you tell me..."and then he will do them. I do the chores most of the time but sometimes I dont just to let him do them when he realizes they need to be done. Also, he never buys me gifts, like for my birthday...I know some people say this is typical guy behavior so should I just deal with it? Or should I keep voicing my issues...I dont want to be too critical.
2006-09-19 08:01:57 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Your not too critical of him, maybe you're not voicing your opinion right, and that's why nothing changes. Try getting a calender and sitting down with him and say you would like to start spending more alone time with him and that he can have his parties once a month. (then you only have to deal with the annoying friends once a month) Then on the same calender start dividing up the chores . My room mate and I (I know it's a little different than a boyfriend) did that and it should work for you. One week I did dishes and vacuumed and she cleaned the bathroom and took out the trash and every week we switched. We each did our own laundry, so that may be different for you, but just come up with a plan you can each agree is fair and go from there. I've learned a long time ago it's not so important what you say , but how you say it. Nagging gets tuned out, but a civil conversation should come across better. Have a sit down when your both relaxed, not when your completely frustrated with his lack of help.
2006-09-19 08:14:55 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You my dear appear to be looking at your whole relationship and at your own balance of negativity threw " rose colored glasses "!
Stick those glasses back on and here's what you do: 1. Look for the positive thing you can see interacting with your b/f in a given day. 2. Keep a written log of every compliment, pleasantry, kind word or bad, reinforcement either good or bad, or verbal or nonverbal praise either that you make or your b/f directs toward you; and 3. at the end of the day review your experiences and thoughts and write down the negative things that have happened to you and to your b/f.
Viewing your log and talking about them with your b/f may make you both realize what's going wrong and allow you to change. Also if you feel like your b/f is taking you for granted, when you are reviewing your log would be a great time to bring up every other sordid little detail that's bugging you.
Doing this log writing periodically will help strengthen and build an effective relationship, not too mention that it will keep you from being a hypercritical criticizer.
Try it and see if it don't help!
2006-09-19 08:36:11 · answer #2 · answered by trieghtonhere 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he's very still immature, and more interested in hanging out with his friends then settling down. You're his free housekeeper.
You need to sit down and have a serious talk with him, explaining your feelings. Hopefully - if he's being honest with you - you'll be able to determine how serious he is about the relationship in general.
Since you didn't mention either of your ages, I'm assuming you're both in your late teens/early 20's? In that case, he's probably just not ready to settle down yet. However, if he's older, then he's probably just using you. Do you feel he's worth waiting around for, or do you feel you're wasting your time in a dead-end relationship?
Either way, this needs to be brought to his attention, and explain that it's your place too, and you need to have a mutual understanding.
Good luck!
2006-09-19 08:18:43 · answer #3 · answered by ♫☼♥ ≈ Debbi ≈ ♥☼♫ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He did not criticize you. He gave his opinion on your moves. it really is diverse. His opinion is his on my own. If he thinks that taking an hr to pass grocery procuring is intense, that in worry-free words applies to him so in case you had stated "an hr isn't that lengthy" that would've ended that communication. On a diverse note, you 2 appear as if very diverse human beings. the courting is in worry-free words 3mo previous so if I were you, i'd merely move on. he's not doing something incorrect nor are you. You adult men are merely diverse, it really is less than no circumstances a nasty ingredient. upload: you desire suggestion yet did not say suggestion on what? do you opt to depart or no longer understand in case you should? do you desire suggestion on what to assert to him to get him to quit? do you desire an opinion on why you're the way you're? Your question change into imprecise so the solutions will be also. There quite isn't something you could say to him to dodge coming off as bi*^h because he's not surely doing something incorrect. he's merely annoying you. to inform him "quit annoying me" will be advise. to inform him, "quit criticizing me each and every of the time" would get a "how am I criticizing you" reaction. Chalk this as a lot as a huge difference in personality and also you adult men do exactly not blend nicely. move on.
2016-10-16 01:22:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
am sorry to say this but i think ur bf is such an inconsiderate person if he cares for u he wont behave theway he is doing so the choice is really urs.can u live that all that??? .if he cant so much as buy u a gift on ur bday then i think he doesnt deserve u.relationship is all about compromise and meeting eachother halfway. so what do u think?
2006-09-19 08:40:41 · answer #5 · answered by babygal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this is happening every weekend....that's a bit much, esp. if he isn't helping you clean up. Try talking to him and share how you feel with him. If he doesn't listen, try leaving whenever he has these parties. if he doesn't get the hint then...well, yes guys will be guys, but if you are living with one and they claim they love you, the very least they can do is help out.
If not....
2006-09-19 08:10:00 · answer #6 · answered by cutest_kittykat_411 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he is looking for a mother figure or maid. Someone who will wipe is a$$. This scrub sounds unappreciative of the things you do. Stop doing it then homegirl. You are not his maid you are is lady, If he doesn't treat you like one, then find someone who will. You aren't being too "critical" either, you are being real. Tell him to clean up after his sh!t. He doesn't shower you with gifts so why bother to clean up after his a$$.
2006-09-19 08:06:21 · answer #7 · answered by ladymember 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's the other way around...he's lucky to have you. He has the right to have his friends over but not every weekend if it makes you uncomfortable. (and it's your place not theirs) Guys are always going to think the "chores" are the womans job. There's no hope for them when it comes to that.
2006-09-19 08:06:50 · answer #8 · answered by bernie2u4 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that you're being too critical at all! He sounds like he's acting selfish and inconsiderate. You need to tell him how you feel, otherwise you'll continue to suffer. If he can't handle the truth, then that's his problem!
2006-09-19 08:07:40 · answer #9 · answered by crayolaskies07 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your not to criticle. I use to be that way. He is just going through an immature stage in life. Don't let him get caught up to much. It all depends on one thing. Can you wait it out? If answer is no then you may want to consider moving on.
2006-09-19 08:07:08 · answer #10 · answered by omvg1 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋