any good jokes? i need cheering up :(:(:( no yo mama ones tho?

Question

any good jokes?
i need cheering up :(:(:(
no yo mama 1s tho
preferably blonde jokes
thanks

Answer 1

A blonde and a brunette are driving down the highway in a convertible. The brunette knows that she's speeding so she asks the blonde if there's a cop behind them. The blonde looks behind her and sees a cop and tells the brunette. The brunette then asks if his he's got his lights on. The blonde replies "Yes...No...Yes...No...Yes...No"

There was a blonde who was taking her kids to Disney Land. When they were about half way there, the blonde say a sign that said "Disney Land Left," so the blonde turned back around and went home.

A blonde executive was driving by a field one day when she saw a blonde rowing a boat in the middle of a dirt field. She drove over to her and said, "It's idiots like you that give blondes a bad name, and if I could swim I would come over there and kick your ***!"

A brunette says to a blonde "Look! A dead bird!" and the blonde looks up and says "Where?"

Enjoy!

Answer 2

Yo momma so undesirable I observed her working after a rubbish truck with a procuring record. Yo mama is so short you will see her ft on her passport image. Yo mama so gruesome while she threw a boomerang it on no account got here back. YO MAMA IS SO stupid SHE have been given FIRED FROM A ********. yo mama so undesirable the i observed her rolling a can and mentioned what are you doing she mentioned shifting! Yo mama so stupid I advised her i grew to become into going to the super Bowl and she or he advised me to no longer forget approximately a spoon. Yo mama so stupid she tripped over a instant telephone.

Answer 3

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini Skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket.

As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again she tried to make the step onto the bus only to discover she still couldn't!

So, a little more embarrassed she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, much to her chagrin she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt. So, with a coy little smile to the driver she again unzipped the offending skirt to give little more slack and again was unable to make the step.

About this time the big Texan that was behind her in the line Picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus.

Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero, Screeching at him, "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!"

At this the Texan drawled "Well ma'am normally I would agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends."

Answer 4

A blond guy joke!!!!!!!


There are three construction workers; one Asian , one Hispanic, and one blond.
They were all on top of a building eating lunch. The Asian opens his lunch finds that it is an egg roll and says, "Egg rolls again!, If my wife packs me another egg roll I will jump off this building." The Hispanic guy opens his lunch and finds a burrito. He says, "Burritos again!, if my wife packs me one more burrito I will jump off the building." The blond guy opens his lunch and finds a bologna and cheese sandwich. He says, "bologna and cheese again!, if I have one more bologna and cheese I will jump off the building."
The next day they all have the lunches that they had the day before and they all jumped to their deaths.
Later on all of the wives got together and the Asian guy's wife said if I knew he didn't want egg rolls I would have packed something else, the Hispanic guy's wife said if I knew he didn't want burritos I would have packed something else, and the blonde's wife said don't look at me he packs his own lunch

Answer 5

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and it immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.
She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.

She starts to lose consciousness, but to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.
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A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you want to hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair - giving that you are blind - that you should know five things:

1 - The bartender is a blonde girl.
2 - The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3 - I'm a 6 feet tall, 220 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4 - The woman sitting next to me is a blonde professional weight lifter.
5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.

Now think about it seriously, mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares,
"Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

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Three mothers, a Blonde, a Brunette and a Redhead were all talking about their daughters.

The Brunette said, "I was looking through my daughter's things and I found cigarettes. I can't believe my daughter smokes!"

The Redhead said, "Ladies,I was looking through my daughter's things and I found a bottle of liquor. I can't believe my daughter drinks!!"

The Blonde said, "I was looking through my daughter's things and I found a pack of condoms. I can't believe my daughter has a penis!!"

Answer 6

A kid was sitting on a curb playing with a can of turpentine. A Priest was passing by and asked what the kid had. He said "it's the strongest stuff in the world, turpentine." The priest said "No, Holy water is the strongest, I rubbed some on a sick mans belly, and he passed a kidney stone." The kid said, "Oh yeah? I rubbed some of this on a cat's *** and it passed a Harley!"

Answer 7

one day two men who are driving thru Ohio expirence some car trouble in the middle of nowhere. the first one says to the other "I think i saw a farmhouse a few miles back, maybe if we start walking now we can make it there before dark."
Darkness falls and the men reach the farmhouse. they knock on the door and are imediatly greeted by a kind old farmer. He hears of the men's troubles and offers to put them up for the night. "You can stay under one condition," he said. "Don't even think of f.ucking my teenage daughter."
"No problem."
The teenage daughter then walks doiwn the stairs and the men thought she was the hottest girl they'd ever seen.
Well one thing leads to another and the girl ends up sleeping with both men.
The next morning they are awoken up by the farmer with a shotgun pointed in their faces. "Wake up you little bastards! I know what you did!" He leads them to the back yard the gun still pointed at their heads.
"Are you gonna kill us mister?" one asks
"Not if you can complete a task for me." says the farmer. he tells the men to go and collect a hundred of one kind of fruit and bring them back asap.
The first guy comes back with grapes and the farmer tells him to shove all 100 of them up his butt.
he gets 20 in starts laughing and they all fall out.
he tries again and gets 40 in before laughing.
he tries one last time and gets all the way up to 60 grapes in his as.s, starts laughing and they all fall out.
"What the hell's so funny boy!?" the farmer asked as he cocked his gun.
"I'm so sorry, but my friend is back there picking watermelons"


also, how can you tell if a blonde is having a bad day? when her tampon is behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.

Answer 8

Ah, Little Johnny again:

Teacher:- "Right, there are five birds sitting on a telephone line. A farmer comes along with his gun and shoots one of them. How many are left?"

Little Johnny:- "None Miss".

Teacher:- "Could you tell me why?"

Little Johnny:- "Well Miss, when the farmer shot the bird, the sound of the gun would have frightened the other birds away".

Teacher:- "Well, the answer I was looking for was four. But I like your thinking."

Little Johnny:- "Miss, while we're asking questions, could I ask you one?"

Teacher:- "Its a bit irregular, but go on then"

Little Johnny:- "There are three women sitting on a bench in the park, eating ice lollies. One of them is licking the lolly; one is biting it; and one is putting it in and out of her mouth. Which one is married?"

Teacher (rather embarrassed):- "Err... I suppose it was the last one."

Little Johnny:- "Well I'd have said the one with the wedding ring. But I like your thinking."

Answer 9

what do bleached blondes and planes have in common ; both have black boxes


why cant you tell a blonde a knock knock joke , she'll go and answer the door


how can you tell a blonde sent a fax , it has a stamp on it

how do blonde brain cells die : alone


how do you confuse a blonde , you do'nt they are born that way

Answer 10

On her way home from an all night party,a blonde girl was stopped by the traffic
cops and breathalised.
Looking at the results one of the cops said, "You've had a few stiff ones
tonight,miss".
"How amazing" she said "i didnt know you could tell that as well".