My uncle is a devout Catholic. My husband and I were both raised Catholic, but left that religion when we were both young adults. (We're in our 30s now.) We have a very strong belief and ethics system of our own, and some serious disagreements with certain tenets of the Catholic faith.
My uncle was informed of that decision many years ago, but persists in lecturing us every time we visit. Not only does he lecture us about religion, but about all sorts of other things, too.
Visiting him is no longer enjoyable. He shows little interest in learning what is important to us or our goals. He never comes to visit when invited for holidays and seems to always expect us to come to him. He shows l
With that being said, he is a kind, generous man who can be fun at times. Our kids love him, and they miss him. He stopped returning our calls or e-mails at the beginning of this year, so I suspect we have somehow offended him, but really don't know what to say or do at this point.
2006-09-19 07:19:17 · 8 answers · asked by Phaedra_C 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
These are very kind answers, so thank you everyone. I didn't realize how painful this was for me until I put the dilemma into words.
Regarding the age question, he is in his 60's. That's an interesting thought about the potential of Alzheimer's. I hope not!!
He's exhibited some bizarre behavior, though. A case in point: He had a heart bypass and didn't even let us know until a month later!! We're his only close relatives, too!
2006-09-19 07:47:20 · update #1
What a sad situation. I also have trouble communicating with a close family member. It sounds like this is really hard for you.
Have you considered writing him a letter or card and telling him exactly what you told us? It could be something as simple as, "Dear Uncle Joe, I know that we don't see eye to eye on religion, and often when I go to your house for visits I feel like I'm being lectured. That makes it hard for me to visit you because I don't like that feeling. Nevertheless, I care about you and want to continue a relationship with you. I haven't heard from you in some time, so I'm worried that something might be wrong, or that you've been offended in some way. My kids miss you because they haven't talked to you. I'd love a chance to talk to you so we can work it out and find a type of communication that works for us. Love, Stephanie."
I hope that this will open the way for you to have a talk with him about how you both feel. Maybe this alone will cut down on your feeling lectured. Nevertheless, if it does start, you can always say something like, "I'd rather not talk about this right now. Could we change the topic?"
I can't see how he could be offended as long as you do this with the utmost kindness and respect.
The previous answerer's suggestion that there might be something physically wrong with your uncle is something to check out. If you are his closest family, he might not have anybody looking out for him. Perhaps you can find someone who knows him well, like a neighbor or friend, and check with that person to make sure he's okay.
2006-09-19 13:56:59 · answer #1 · answered by drshorty 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Keep inviting him, eventually he will see his own errors. If he does not, at least you know you are doing the proper thing by inviting him and trying to keep him in your life. My in-laws do not understand why thier ex- alter boy son no longer attends a Catholic church either. He diagrees with some things about that church and chooses to server Christ in another denomination. What your uncle does to you is wrong and although you may never bring him around to your side of things, just live your life and continue to be good people.
2006-09-19 07:27:59 · answer #2 · answered by Lov'n IT! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Leave it. If he wants to get back in touch with you, he will. Oftentimes devouts of ANY religion cannot handle dealing with "others" and inevitably estrange themselves from family. That said, if it is incredibly important to you to maintain the relationship, pick up the phone and tell him that your kids miss him. Nothing pulls at heartstrings like neices and nephews!!
The next time you see him and he brings up his lecture, stop him when he starts and simply say, "Uncle Buck, we know how you feel about this and you know how we feel. Let's just agree to disagree and not discuss this subject again." If he refuses, you know what is most important to him.
2006-09-19 07:27:58 · answer #3 · answered by Goose&Tonic 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was raised catholic. My belief's are different now too. I think your best bet is to call him and explain to him how much you and the kids love him and don't want something like this to come between you. If he doesn't respond, you cant feel guilty, at least you tried. Maybe he will come around. Good-Luck and God Bless.
2006-09-19 07:33:02 · answer #4 · answered by Blue Eyes 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's a tender situation, I'm sure. I would try to explain to him that you're living your life as you see fit, and even if you aren't following his ideas of what is right, your family raised you well, and you'll pass those morals and ideas along to your children.
Also, If you don't mind my asking, how old is he? it sounds like he may be in the begining stages of Alzheimer's.
2006-09-19 07:36:33 · answer #5 · answered by pastor of muppets 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is not going to change.. so you have two choices..
Deal with it, go see him and let you children enjoy him while he is here..
or stopping visiting him and remember him fondly..
2006-09-19 07:28:02 · answer #6 · answered by limgrn_maria 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Then don't visit him anymore. Visit him only on big family occasions if he has any.
2006-09-21 00:21:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm wondering why you insist on going to see him. How do you stand to benefit?
2006-09-19 08:26:34 · answer #8 · answered by beez 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋