is it rude for a friend/co worker to ask me how much money that my husband makes...she did and i was appalled

Answer 1

It's not really any of her business. If you had volunteered the information to her, it'd be diffferent.

Honestly, though what differences does it make to her?

Answer 2

Someone else mentioned this I think, but the rudeness really does depend on the context.

For example, if she just walked up to you wearing a brand new gold watch or diamond bracelet, looked you up and down, and asked in a patronizing voice, then yeah, that was pretty rude, and was no doubt meant as such.

If she was thinking about (you don't really have a way to know this - but that's why I always try to avoid getting upset at rude comments, since the spoken bit might be out of context considering the 'inner dialogue') what her husband makes, and how much she hates her job, and how she wished she could quit but they can't afford it, etc...she might blurt out something along the lines of asking you how much your husband makes without really thinking about it. While that might be considered a bit rude, in that case it was NOT meant as such.

Now if you two were talking about finanaces and she had just ended a long discussion of how much her household income was and what they had been doing to make ends meet budgetary wise, and you were thinking of possibly doing some of the same things, her question might have been very relevant and only an attempt to help. In which case whether you think it was her business or not, you led her to beleive it was by the topic of conversation, in which case I would judge it not rude.

Of course even the phrasing of the question makes a difference:

"Oh dear, HOW much does your husband make a year?" is pretty rude.

"Say, if you don't mind me asking, what is your husbands salary at XYZ company?" - might not be really rude, since she leaves it quite open for you to back out politely, and might have a very good reason for asking, such as her own husband looking for a job at XYZ company.

In any case, I wouldn't get appalled at a friend even for asking such a question. A co-worker, well that would all depend how I felt personally about the co-worker.

Answer 3

I agree with a few on here that it's not rude all of the time. Context AND the source should be considered. Maybe she gets asked all of the time by her friends and other peers so she figured it's all right to ask you, in which case I would think she just trying to be friendly and get to know you better. Now if this woman is renowned for being a gossip or bitchy to people, then I would assume she has malicious intentions. I don't think you can get clear answer here. It's up to you. You were appalled then YOU think it's rude, and that's fine.

Answer 4

It only seems rude if you're white.

It's such a contradiction that we live in a very classicist society, where how much money you earn dictates how you get treated; but actually discussing it is considered offensive. It's like the pink elephant that everybody sees but nobody admits to.

Keep in mind that just because you are offended doesn't mean the other person did something wrong. Being appalled means that your world view is small because it doesn't allow for other possibilities.

Answer 5

It is extremely rude and inappropriate for a co-worker/friend to ask how much your spouse makes. One's salary is a very private matter. It is treated as such because people make assumptions based on the answer. People assume that someone who makes $20,000 is less intelligent and less diligent than someone who makes let's say $50,000. Society has created this notion that the more money you make the more intelligent you are. We all know that assumption couldn't be farther from the truth. Teachers are very intelligent and hard working people but they don't get paid nearly what they should. Next time someone ask how much your husband makes just say that he makes more than enough to support me and my family.

Answer 6

Yes, I'd think it was rude, just on the surface. It depends a lot on the preceding conversation, though. If she was telling you about how she's having a hard time making it on her and her husband's combined salaries because he only makes $xyz year, and then she just slipped in the question about how do YOU do it, how much does your husband make...? It's still not a question I would ANSWER, but it's less rude if there's a context.

Answer 7

Cultures are very different, I lived in India for 10 years and acceptable topics for random strangers are how much do you weigh?, who is your parents favourite child? and how much money do you earn?
I would never dream of asking these questions but you must take into account where this person is from and whether they see it as being rude or just being friendly. Don't answer any question you don't want too.
Some people are just more tactless than others, gently say that you would rather not answer the question, that it is personal.
If a good friend asked me though, I would tell them.

Answer 8

Its rude but some people don't know any better. Some people really don't think its any big deal to know how much money people make. Honestly, I don't see why it is some huge secret. Unless of course your embarrased because you make a lot of money or not enough. My experience is, the richer the person the more secretive they get.

Answer 9

I'm only in high school and have never had a job, but I still believe this is extremely rude (as do most people on this thread). I have been raised on the idea that income is a private matter to the person(s) who it is attributed to. If you had offered the information, then it would be a different story, but she is invading your private life, and I would be highly suspicious. But, of course, that's just my belief.

Answer 10

It is absolutely rude! I would have told her right away that it was none of her business! Any personal information is no one's business unless you yourself volunteer the information, period. Too many people today feel they are entitled to ask you these questions, I don't get it?! It's none of their bloody business. What makes a person think they can ask such personal questions? I don't even do that with my own family.

Answer 11

I think it is rude if she is just an acquaintance type friend/co-worker. I would feel very uncomfortable if I was asked this type of question.