How can I tell her no without hurting her feelings?

Question

I'm getting married in a year, i have 1 matron of honor and 2 made of honors. I have this part time best friend who feels like she's the made of honor. I did make her a part of the wedding as a brides maid but I'm not sure how she's going to take that. We have been through ALOT good and bad throughoout these last coupke of yeas but I don't feel like she will be able to do all the things a made of honor is responsible for. I love her to death but I don't want to have to take on her responsibilities in the end. How should I or can I tell her without necessarily causing her to not want to be in the wedding at all?

Answer 1

I don't know if there is a way to tell her without hurting her feelings. If she's a true friend, she'll understand and continue the duty that you had planned for her. Honesty is always the best policy. And it is your wedding and you do need things to go the way you want them to go and to be as stress-free as possible on the big day. Good luck!

Answer 2

You can have a maid of honor (unmarried) AND A MATRON OF HONOR (married)
otherwise its you wedding and tell her you will need her for other important thing and you other freind has more time on her hands
other than that tell her the truth its your wedding and it is going to go on the way you want it to although you would be heart broken if she wasn't in your wedding that she is still very important to her

Good Luck

Answer 3

Well it's your day and whatever you want is the main concern. Perhaps your friend may be hurt but she should understand that it's your day. My friend picked me as her matron of honor over a lot of other friends who were equally pissed. Funny thing is I could of cared less I'm the one who had to spend all the money for the bridal party which I didn't want to do to begin with. I'd be happy if I was never another matron of honor as long as I live! If you like you can have two matrons of honor and let them share the duties. My friends excuse for picking me was I was the only one married and traditionally the matron of honor is suppose to be married.

Answer 4

Simply let her know that you love her to death, she's a wonderful friend and very important to you but you already have a maid/matron of honor. Just let her know that,.. if she's a good friend then she should understand.

I don't get why it's such a big deal anyway. I would not be hurt if a friend of mine chose someone else as a maid of honor. I just don't understand why that makes/breaks friendships sometimes.

Answer 5

It's your wedding. You should have it the way and w/ whom you want, doing what you want them to do. That being said...just tell her.

If you could...even though there are specific 'duties' that the maid/matron of honor is responsible for...maybe you could provide your own 'special' duties that the bridemaids are responsible for...it would enhance your wedding/reception and may help keep the focus on you...the bride, not the bridemaids! (note, the latter part of the word, 'maid'...they are present to be of service to you)

Hey, this concept may work w/ the grooms and groomsmen...

Best wishes!

Answer 6

It's all in the wording. You say, to her, you know I love you all very much, but I can only have one maid of honor. I wish I could have four then I wouldn't have to choose between anyone. I want to include you as a special person in my special day and so I would love for you be one of my bridesmaids. You just mean so much to me that I can't see getting married without you there with me at the altar.
If she has any maturity about her, she will accept. Do not make any excuses or explanations as to why you chose someone else to be the maid of honor. If anything, just say, It just seemed like that was what I needed to do.

Answer 7

There probably isn't a way to tell her that you have already made someone else your maid of honor without hurting her feelings. Just let her know gently and take whatever it is she is going to say because she'll be hurt & angry.

This is your wedding and you can do whatever it is you want to do. There's already enough stress as it is I'm sure, you don't need this to be an added on top of it all.

Good luck!

Answer 8

Acting out the scenario:

You: Hey Friend, I would like for you to be a bridesmaid in my wedding.

Friend: But I was thinking that you were going to have me as a maid of honor.

You: I want to have all the people I care about to be apart of my special day and because I have chosen another person closer to me as maid of honor, I would like for you to be a part of my wedding party as bridesmaid.

If she does not want to be a part of of your wedding because you decided to have her as a bridesmaid then maybe she shouldn't be a part of your special day. If she was a true friend, she would be excited that you asked her to be apart of your day. Remember this if YOUR (including hubby to be) day and you call the shots and have the wedding the way you want to. Good Luck and congratulations.

Answer 9

You had better read an etiquette book. There is one position for the person standing up first for you. That is a Maid of Honour, or Matron, of Honour, if she is married. However, that is ONE position. Any others you have as attendants are your bridesmaids. Don't cause problems where there aren't any.

Answer 10

are you having a family member as your matron of honor? if so you can tell her that it is a family tradition, and you want her to be included as a brides maid. explain all the things that the matron of honar is expected to do and that another family member is also going to help that person make sure that everything is done so that all the brides maids can help you with your big day. if you think she is going to be upset tell her you want her to help you with planning something. make her feel important too.