now that I'm back we're still going out. The problem is - she gained a considerable amount of weight each year while I was there and though this may be mean, I don't like it. How do I tell her I'm not attracted to her. Should I tell her to lose the weight or else?
2006-09-19 06:29:51 · 25 answers · asked by David F 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Hey Marine,never say or else. No one knows better than you how to lose weight. Work with her. Food was her boy friend and release of stress while you were away. If she was messing around she would be thin.
Take her on some walks and then some light runs , replace bad foods with good. Encourage her.
Semper Fi
2006-09-19 06:36:22 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you really love this girl (i dont mean physically i mean her personality) and you would consider staying with her while she looses the weight, you should try activities with her that will help her loose weight. Like going to the gym, rock climbing. Make healthy dinners for her. If she questions u if u are disturbed by her weight gain and u want to keep this relationship , lie through ur teeth! tell her -no u love her, but u are concerned for her health which is why u want to help her and be there for her. and not be the JERK A$$hole that only cares about what someone looks like. She stayed faithful while u were gone for 4 years! 4 YEARS ALONE WITHOUT YOU! gee, maybe she was so depressed without you, she missed u so much that she gained the weight... She stayed for 4 years alone missing u. gee, u think u could be a man and stay with her, show her that u are commited 2 her as much as she's been commited to u.
2006-09-19 06:42:26 · answer #2 · answered by clueless_idiot 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! You are one lucky dude! Maybe that's why she gained the weight...all those nights staying home alone.
The easiest way for you to change her would be to suggest some physical activity that you both can do together. Rock climbing, hiking, jogging, swimming, horseback riding, etc...there are lots of activities that you both would enjoy together. If she isn't willing to participate with you, you might have to gently tell her that you've noticed her weight gain and are worried about her. I'm sure she knows that she's gained the weight, and is upset about it already.
If you truly love her, the weight is a small thing that can be worked out. If you would consider leaving a girl that's been loyal to you for four years just because of a little weight gain, than maybe you really don't love her, and need to tell her that.
2006-09-19 06:37:04 · answer #3 · answered by rita_alabama 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being over weight can be a health issue that needs to be address. You can start walking with her 30 mins in the morning and 30 mins in the evenings. You can also try to cook two to three times a week and she can take that food to work. Eating healty homemade food with the walking can and will help. She is a GOOD person that loves you and care a grate deal for you, and that can be maybe once in a life time. What she is giving you many of us has never had. Enjoy her by helping her.
2006-09-19 06:51:26 · answer #4 · answered by Errolyn27 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ouch! It's a tricky one for sure! Maybe its time for you to appreciate her loyalty and realize that she was probably DEPRESSED that you were gone.
The best thing to do is somehow really appreciate the qualities about her that you love. FOCUS ON THOSE! Even though you may not like that she gained weight... do not bring it up over and over... that is going to make her resent you. Instead, love her and gain her trust again... reconnect... inspire each other....
In a few months you can do something together like go to the gym and such. If you love her, you woulnd't leave her.
BUT if you are unhappy for other things and there are things to work out, seek counseling... but be bigger than leaving her for weight... that is just wrong.
2006-09-19 06:35:48 · answer #5 · answered by Use my Yahoo! Avatar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure she was happier at a smaller size. Why don't you help her to lose the weight instead of judging her. Weight loss can be a hard thing to do but an easy thing to put off. Working out is a chore and not everyone enjoys it. Why don't you both join a fitness club and work out together. She may just need the motivation!!
2006-09-19 06:35:29 · answer #6 · answered by Cortney & Nathan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Disappointing to hear you say that. I guess my thought is that this is likely not someone you wanted to make a lifelong commitment to prior to leaving and the fact that she has gained weight simply makes it easy for you to move on. This is a woman that you apparently expected to make a very deep and very long commitment to you while you were away---one which she kept. The fact that you are so unwilling to keep the same level of commitment to her doesn't reflect well upon you.
If she really was the light of your life, you wouldn't pose the question to begin with.
My guess is that you are a young guy too. At about age 30 I realized how unfulfilling relationships based primarily on outward appearances were. While it is true that a man has to have "some attraction" physically to a woman, I do believe that, providing she is not some sort of obscenely grotesque looking woman, beauty is very visible on the inside too and with age comes wisdom and when you are a bit wiser, you'll see it for yourself.
2006-09-19 06:40:17 · answer #7 · answered by Ceroulious 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She remained faithful to you. Number 1, that's saying a lot about how she cares for you. Why can't the two of you exercise together and probably she just needs to change her eating habits and become more active - which she can do now since you're home. Discuss it with her - she will probably agree that she needs to lose - but I think if you make it a "team effort" it will help the situation and you'll get your shapely lady back.
2006-09-19 06:36:16 · answer #8 · answered by Topez 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you concidered getting active with her? That is healthy for both of you, quality time together and fun without even saying a word to her about her weight....start cooking or requesting healthy meals with her...go on walks or jogs with her...
If you truly love her, you would do everything in your power as a good man to encourage a healthy lifestyle, not to mention how she would appreciate your genuine interest in her. However, if after all the work, time, and conversations encouraging health and she refuses, then there might be grounds for reconsideration of the relationship. Take care and good luck.
2006-09-19 06:41:23 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you ever stop and think that maybe she gained the weighed because she was worried about you? A lot of people gain weight from being stressed and depressed. Give it some time, once she is happy again and sees that you are safe she just might lose that weight without you being a jerk about it.
2006-09-19 06:40:12 · answer #10 · answered by Tiffany 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋