Mother problems...mature responses only.?

Question

Ok, I have a problem. My mother and I have recently had ANOTHER big fight. My mother has bi-polar disorder and her mood swings have worsened in the last few years. I am trying to be understanding, however, she gotten to the point where she is yelling horrrible things at me in front of my child. She tells me repeatedly how stupid I am and how I do not do anything right. I am 26 years old and she still tells me what to do, how to raise my child, and what I should eat. She has been saying and doing these things to me since my parents divorced in 1991. I am tired of dealing with this problem. I want to distance myself from he, but I do not want my daughter to lose her because she does love her. What should I do?

Answer 1

i know this is a difficult decision for you bc you don't want your daughter to miss out on her grandmother, but do you really want your daughter around that? just sit down and ask your mother to get some help and if she declines or it is not working tell her that you will only bring your daughter around maybe once a month or not at all.

Answer 2

I am having the same problem right now too! My mother does not have a disorder, she is just mean. My daughter is 6 months and it seams like my mother has gone crazy since she was born. But in your case, I guess this is one of those things were you need to decide what is more important. The way your child veiws you or the relationship between you child and your mother. Not only should your mother not down you in front of the kids because it embaresses you, but they learn from the people that they are around. It hurt me not to take my baby over to my mothers, but I had to stop. When we have kids sometimes we have to do thngs we don't want to do. You need to set some rules for you mother about what she can and can not say around YOUR kids. And also let her know what willhappen if she steps past your boundries. STICK TO WHAT YOU SAY!!! It really worked with my mother. Good Luck!!!!

Answer 3

First off, getting away from her could be the best thing for your daughter and yourself. She's not well, clearly, but you are suffering and your daughter could suffer as well sooner or later. I have a friend who went through terrible times with her mother, and each time she would forgive her mom and sooner or later her mom would act up once more. It made my friend physically and mentally sick. She had to get away from her in order to heal and be happy. Sometimes it's not easy to distance yourself from people you love and possible want to continually help, but you have to think of your daughter 1st. Who's to say your mother won't start screaming at her once shwe gets old enough? Youwouldn't want that would you? Do what you need to do for your child and yourself. Love your mother from a distance.

Answer 4

Sounds like you need the help of your family. Are you an only child or do you have siblings that can help you? Any family at all? If she is getting to be to much you need to get away. Your daughter needs to grwo up in a loving house. Would you stay with your spouse if they treated you that way? She will treat your daughter the same way at some point. Sounds like she needs to be in a place that can help her. Look around, talk to poeple, check out the internet. Good luck and God Bless You!!!!

Answer 5

Not only does your mom have medical problems, but also it seems that she is just plain unhappy. You are a grown woman now, and although we need to respect our parents, you cannot allow her to be abusive to you. Respect is a two way street, and for her to behave in this fashion in front of your daughter makes it even worse. I don't know if you can talk to your mom and tell her that her behavior is disrespectful, abusive and unacceptable in front of your daughter, or if you are just going to have to put some distance between the two of you. As a parent yourself, you have an obligation to your child not to subject her to this type of environment, Grandparent or not. As long as you allow your mother to treat you in this way, she obviously is going to continue. My Mom USED to be the same way, she wanted to run everything, tell everyone what to do, was unhappy, ect. She believed that only her ideas were right and everyone should live their life how she would live hers. One day she called me and started her complaining and belittling me, I finally snapped and yelled right back at her. I told her that I would no longer speak to her if she were going to be so rude and disrespectful. I was tired of the insults and being hurt by my own mother. I was so fed up, hurt & upset with her I was crying while yelling at her. After that telephone call, my mom has never since treated me like that. Now she seeks out others in the family that will allow her to be so rude to them. You are going to have to stand up for yourself.

Answer 6

You could try to sit down and talk to her if possible without your daughter there. Explain to her how you feel and maybe she needs to go back to the doctor or see a counselor. If that doesn't work then maybe only go over once a week or once every 2 weeks until she gets the help she needs. Tell her that if you can you'll go with her and be right by her side. Good luck.

Answer 7

You do need distance!! She is harming you and your child. While I understand she is bi-polar, that is no excuse for her to treat you so baldy in front of your child. I would let your mom know that she needs more help and that until she can treat you with respect in front of your child, she will not see her. This may sound mean, but your daughter could have serious problems from your moms treatment. Stand up for yourself and your child. It is up to your mom to fix the problem and when she does she can see your child again.

Answer 8

Wow- sounds so familiar to me- I have the same mother-daughter relationship - my mom has bipolar and is currently on meds-she does happen to realize when she is feeling down and goes to talk therapy, but I too have been called the b-- word in front of my then 9 yr old son and it does affect their relationship eventually as your child grows older--my son now 13 does not respect her- she has said things and the bottom line is it begins to undermine your own relationship with your child if they continue to hear these things from their grandma. Distance does help- but I told my mom that when it comes to my child/children I have to do what is best for them- if she continues this behavior then you have to have consequences for her- I hope you can talk with your mom, if she truly cares then hopefully she will comply- but if not you have to dial down the relationship you and your child have with her as a consequence for breaking your limits. I hope your child is old enough for you to talk to , so you can let them know that grandma having some probs but that she still loves them no matter what- you don't want your child to hate grandma- because hopefully with the right meds she will get better and want to continue a healthy relationship with you and her grandchild

GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 9

I would let my daughter see her on occasion. But, when it comes to conflict simply refuse to argue. " Thank you for your opinion, but I am going to do it this way." Be calm but assertive. and I would explain... I cannot expose my child to this turmoil... if you want to see her then we cannot fight. In the long run, love or not, that kind of fighting tears up children. They do not need to be around it or think it is ok. Oh, and you could set up playdates for grandma. Specific times and places for them to see each other. That way you have a start time and an end time and she will focus on the child. And if you do it outside the home, that really helps the timeframes to stay what you set up. 2 hrs at McDonalds. and then I need to be somewhere. Remember your priority is that child. Put yourself in the childs shoes, do you like what you see?

Answer 10

People with Bipolar manic depression relish living like that because they can get away with saying and doing crazy/embarrassing things. Once on meds they don't do the crazy stuff, but they don't like the way they feel and so off they go again. Distance yourself and come to visit only after calling her and telling her that your daughter wants to see her. It is hard, but sanity is worth the prize.