I was engaged 6 months before her (set my date then!), and now not only is she getting married 3 weeks before me, she's going on a 2 1/2 week honeymoon and coming back on the WEDNESDAY before my wedding. She's going to the same place I am going on MY HONEYMOON, because she thought it was a good idea. My question is, obviously, she's not going to be able to plan all of my bachelorette party stuff and bridal shower stuff, which is fine. My other bridesmaids are totally stepping up, even though my MOH hasn't even acknowledged anything. Should I still be expected to plan all of her stuff? I mean my wedding will be right around the corner. She had mentioned before that even though I'm not her MOH (her sister is, which is fine!), she wanted me to do all this for her, and I think I need to put my foot down this time. What do you think?
2006-09-19 06:05:18 · 45 answers · asked by Lisa H 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Her sister lives far away, that's why she asked me to do all this for her.
2006-09-19 06:10:55 · update #1
WHOA! The only thing I am putting my foot down about is me planning her bachelorette party and bridal shower! I'm not the MOH. I should have mentioned that both weddings are over a year away too, so she really could have picked another date.
2006-09-19 08:51:32 · update #2
Wow, that's lousy.
Just explain to her, as calmly as you can, that while you had hoped to be able to plan all that stuff for her, it is too close to your own wedding date. You think her sister should take on those responsibilities.
If you are too annoyed, write it down. Wait a day, and read what you wrote. You don't want to estrange her - hopefully you are really good friends and can survive this stress. After all, our girlfriends are important in our lives.
Best of luck!
(About the suggestions to change her out - it depends on how close a friend she is. Really, my guess is she must be close to you for you to pick her, and while this is lousy timing, the friendship is important. Probably more important in the long run than making a point about this.)
2006-09-19 06:09:26 · answer #1 · answered by tigglys 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You should have a talk to her and ask her to stand down as MOH. 3 weeks before the wedding is too close. You should allow her to bring her newborn to the wedding. There is a huge difference between babies and older children, for several reasons: (1) they don't need a seat and meal, (2) they don't run around so it doesn't matter if the venue isn't child friendly, (3) it is very, very difficult to get them babysat by someone else. Not only is expressing milk a pain, but newborns can be really fussy, wanting only their mother. (The person who gave a long lecture about being able to leave the baby, I am almost certain from her previous answers she is not a mother. I am a mum of 3). So yes, you CAN say yes to her newborn and no to other families. There is a huge difference and families who already have children will understand.
2016-03-17 22:57:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is definitely trying to one up you and what a selfish and inconsiderate Maid of Honor she is. I thinks she is personally doing all this to psych you out. I would tell her I'm sorry, but i cannot take on any more responsibilities at this moment and that it is obvious that you have a wedding to plan. Let her know that there are duties that a Maid of Honor is suppose to perform and she cannot expect you to fill that shoes. Maybe she will get the message and realize what a weasel she's being for walking out on her duties and doing this to you.
She is being totally Single White Female like.
2006-09-19 06:53:37 · answer #3 · answered by solgiver 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think that you should have a heart to heart talk with her and let her know your feelings. However, if her sister is her MOH and is living far away then that is an issue she has to deal with on her on and is fair to you. You have your own special day to be concerned about. Your wedding day is your day to reign and shine. Needless to say, I think that it is pretty selfish for her to even considering have her wedding day 3 weeks before yours and wanting you to step in, in her sisters absence knowing when you're to wed. Personally, to me I feel this is all an act of jealousy and wanting to be the first. Hell, the bottom line is she's not your friend, because true friends love at all times and stick closer than a sister. POINT! Let it go! And I pray that your wedding is blessed and full of love forever.
2006-09-19 06:28:55 · answer #4 · answered by Radiance 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi there, well, technically since she will be married by the time she is in your wedding, she won't be a MOH anymore. She will be a matron of honor. I think that you should appoint someone else to be Maid of Honor, but still let her be in the wedding somehow. (if she wants to that is) Have a real heart-to-heart talk with her and see what she wants to do. Good luck with your wedding, and it will all work out for the best.
2006-09-19 06:09:17 · answer #5 · answered by aloneinga 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but you are being a bit of a brat. What would you put your foot down about? Why do you care if she does the same honeymoom you are going to do?
You should know how hard it is to pick a date and you certainly wouldn't expect her to delay her wedding a whole year! She probably had plenty of other things to plan around, including your wedding.
Unless she has told you she cannot do your shower and bachelorette party, I bet she is still planning on it. It is just fine to have both events before her wedding. In fact, I've never heard of either being that close to the actual wedding date.
She shows up Wed before your wedding -- that sounds like plenty of time to help do all the last minute stuff you should be doing yourself anyway. Plus if you really want your bachelorette party that close to your wedding, you can do it Thursday night.
If she is really your best friend, you should be able to talk to her about this stuff. If she isn't, why is she your MOH?
2006-09-19 07:25:57 · answer #6 · answered by Katherine 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋
I think it's up to you as to what you want to do. It sounds like you're a little bothered that she chose to have her wedding before yours and still expects you to plan her stuff. Since you do have over a year yet, it is possible to have a good idea of what you'd like to do for hers and kind of get things rolling. But if you feel like she's cutting into your wedding plans, remember she has every right to have her wedding (and honeymoon) anytime and anywhere she'd like, even though it may seem like she's stealing your thunder.
2006-09-19 16:01:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Jeez, this situation stinks. I would not be thrilled with it. I mean, it's okay she is getting married before you. But it's not okay that she is basically ditching you and her MOH responsibilities.
As far as you helping her plan - I suggest you tell her in a nice way (as nice as possible) that it's just too much for you to handle (not to mention the expense - heck, you're planning a wedding too!). Let her know that it is going to be too much for you to plan a shower and a bachelorette just weeks/months before your own wedding. Let her know that you will offer as much support and assistance as you possibly can, that you care very much for her and she is important to you, but you are only one person... you can't do it all.
2006-09-19 09:38:41 · answer #8 · answered by PT&L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your MOH is extremely rude to plan her wedding 3 weeks before yours, AFTER you had your wedding date already set. And it's even more rude that she's going on a long honeymoon to the same destination you have planned. It sounds like she is definitely trying to one-up you. It's too late to get a new MOH but I wouldn't do much of anything for her - and after your wedding, I wouldn't do anything with her. Best wishes!!
2006-09-19 06:42:06 · answer #9 · answered by Rachel 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think she's out to spike you, but that's really something for a woman to have done that to her friend... Scary.
You should just tell her since now that she has quit (in a way), you have to take over her duties and will have no time to do hers. After all you did state your wedding date before her. Unless she is already pregnant and is eager to have a father confirmed and booked for the unborn, you have all the reasons in the world to get nasty and cold to her.
Have fun!
2006-09-19 06:37:34 · answer #10 · answered by Geo C 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋