Hi all, I need help because I am at a crossroad here. I have a boyfriend that I have been in an intimate relationship over 2 years.
I think I found my husband, no I know know I found him. But we are having problems in the friend department. I have some friends that I have been cool with for a year or so....co-workers.
I am glad were are friends because I really didnt have too many.
We hang alot and have fun. But my boyfriend is from my hometown but he works out of state but not too far because we can drive back and forth to see each other, which we have. But he doesnt like the fact that my friends are single and they go out alot he thinks they dont respect our relationship, he doesnt mind us goin out but he doesnt like that we go bar-hopping, he says we should do something else. Because of his work I see him 2 or 3 times a month. I dont like how he wants all of my attention when he comes home even if I want to do something with my friends. Continuing on next line!!!
2006-09-19 03:31:25 · 10 answers · asked by trulynluv06 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He thinks that my girls should understand that I am in a relationship and that I shouldnt do certain things that they do because they are single. I agree but I like my friends and he seems a bit controlling or are his request just things I should be abiding by? To sum it up he feels he should be put first before my friends because we are in a serious relationship.
What should I do?
2006-09-19 03:31:37 · update #1
give me as much advice a possible i need so hit me billy F
2006-09-19 03:41:49 · update #2
If he only sees you 2-3 times a month you Should be focusing all your attention on him and not worrying about going out with friends that you see everyday! That isn't too unreasonable of a request for him to make of you. If your relationship was that serious and you missed him soo much while he was gone that wouldn't even be questioned. Seems you are probably making him feel like you don't care if he comes to you or not. How would you feel if the roles were reversed and you came back and all he wanted to do was run around with his friends?
2006-09-19 04:07:46 · answer #1 · answered by babygirl_k2001 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't agree with him, that is not right thing to do! He can't demand you just like that, I understand that you seldom see each due to time and place constraint but you know what, its just a matter of having a really good and serious conversation regarding that matter. You both have a point that's why the best thing that i can think of is to really have a serious talk. Let him know how you feel about his demand and at the same time try to analyze his side. By doing that, you can meet half way and agree on whats best to both of you. having an open line communication is vital in every relationship. Let him know what you feel, before its too late.
2006-09-19 10:41:36 · answer #2 · answered by Bartypurple lass 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you only see him 2 or 3 times a month, you should want to spend time with him rather than going out with your friends. If you don't want to just hang out with him after having so much time apart then maybe something is wrong and your relationship isn't as good as you think. My husband has to go out of town a lot with work and he has as long as I have known him and when he's gone I miss him like crezy even after 8 years of being together. I couldn't imagine wanting to go out with friends rather than spend time with him when he gets home. It is good that you have those friends and you shouldn't let you boyfriend try to control when he's not around but I can see his side of things and when he is there your priority should be him. If you really love him you should enjoy every moment you get to spend with. In my experience, my only REAL friend is my husband and my family. They will always be there for you. If you were to quit your job, I bet you and your friends would probably drift apart. Anyone I have ever worked with would get along and pretend to be everyone's friend but when someone's not around everyone likes to talk about them behind their backs. So keep that in mind. Also if you really think this guy is the one, have you thought about moving to where he is? Is he willing to move for you?......
2006-09-19 11:40:23 · answer #3 · answered by a d 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, I know, what I would do, if i were in your place! My husband, when he was my boyfriend, was(and is) the most important thing to me, and I'd die if I saw him just 2 or 3 times a month. And it is ABSOLUTELY normal, that he wants all of your attention, when he comes home. And why can't you give it to him? You have 27-28 days to spend with your friends, he is alone, and wants to spend that very little time that you two have at your disposal only with you. Don't you miss him?
I seriously think, that you put him behind your friends, and that he feels, he is not the most important person to you.
If you marry him, it will be HIM with whom you will have children, and with whom you will live your life, the person who will love you and take care of you, no metter what.Think of that.
You have to decide priorities.
2006-09-19 10:54:20 · answer #4 · answered by charmed 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You man is insecure honey. He also apparently doesn't trust you either. He is trying to control you in a way.
Now he is working in another state and there are times when i am sure you wonder what he is doing and who he is doing it with. But you somehow feel secure enough in the relationship not to let it bother you. He however thinks that if you are out with your friends, they will influence you to do something that you are not suppose to do. You said that you have found husband but i do not see how that is possible when he is trying to dictate pace in your life to point of telling you that you should pick somewhere else to hang out.
Who is to say that when you two actually get married he isn't going to tell you that you should stop hanging out with yur friends altogether and that you should find some married women to hang out with.
There is this saying friends are forever but men are never. It means that once your friends are true you will have them forever no matter what but men are dogs and change their minds easily. They also have a very strange way of show that they love you. Cheating is one of those ways. You are suppose to love your husband and cherish your friends.
Never make a man come between you and your friends, they were there before him and he has to respect that. That being said, i think that you know what to do. I am not saying to break up with him but i am not saying not to either. Talk it out with him first and then move from there.
2006-09-19 10:50:11 · answer #5 · answered by Osunwole Adeoyin 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you need to ask yourself is it that hard to spend time with him when he comes home if its only a few times a month or tell him that its him you love even if your friends go out all the time you don't have to be doing things you shouldn't you go out to have a good time not to pull. Or maybe hes the one who has the problem a problem with trust tell him if he loved you he would like you to be happy and go out with your mates good luck;-)
2006-09-19 10:39:15 · answer #6 · answered by serena h 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being as u only see him a few times a month, then u should be there for him
Do u know ahead of time when he'll be home or does he just show up?
If u know when he'll be there then u can plan to be home, if he just shows up then try to include him in your plans.
2006-09-19 10:36:48 · answer #7 · answered by koleebear 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he comes home two or three times a month and you want to go out with your friends?
no you are not in a serious relationship, your dating
2006-09-19 10:34:58 · answer #8 · answered by brinlarrr 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well you can have your friends and your future husband too. if your friends wants to go bar hopping it should be ok unless you try to pick up a guy at the bar. that is what he might be afraid of.
2006-09-19 10:36:50 · answer #9 · answered by party_2_hearty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok
there is so much that I can say. Do you wish to talk?
2006-09-19 10:37:42 · answer #10 · answered by Dead 2 Self 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋