What do I do about my hateful mother?

Question

OK, y mother hates my new life. She has never once had anything positive to say about any of it. My husband and I bought our first house last winter when I was 19, she had nothing good to say about that. I have college work I am doing from home, nothing incuraging about that at all. She only has negative things to say about my husband, and she is always looking for ways to get me to go back "home". Were she lives now never felt like my home, and when I talked to her a few days ago, I told her I was happy with where I am and that it felt like a home for the first time in my life ( I moved around a lot as a child.). All she had to say about that was, Your only happy because your with your husband. you would be happy anywere with him huh? And said it with the worst tone she has ever used. She only has good things to say about my older sister. She is 22, living at home with two children, and none of them have their fatheres around. They can't even find out who the father is for the secondV

Because the guys are refusing the court ordered paternity tests. She is saying how my sister is getting her life together and so on and so forth. She is always telling me that she doesn't want me to get pregnant again. I have a son who is almost two. She is always saying, You better not call me to tell me that you are pregnant again. We want another child soon too. She even had the nerve to tell me, If only you and Bryan had stayed together, you would have had the most beautiful children. BRYAN IS MY EX! What do I do about her? I can't stop talking to her, she is my mother, but I am so feed up with her.

I DON"T EVEN LIVE IN THE SAME STATE AS HER! She just has nothing good to say about my life! I love my life!

The worst one was when I was in labor with my son, my husband was making all the usual phone calls to family about it, and she wanted to talk to me. My husband gave me the phone and left the room for a few minutes, then she said, you don't think he is going to run off on you do you. I hung up the phone, told my husband what she said, she called back, he told her we didn't want to speak to her. A few hours latter both her and my dad called up yelling about it. She only told my dad how my husband was being disrespectful, and didn't tell him what she said. They yelled at me for about 10 min till I hung up and started crying. The nurse came in and said, whats wrong, hormones? And I told her. She said she was sorry and she went to get me some tissues. That was the worst one by far.

My fahter has been awesome tho. He loves my husband. They have so much in common and even talk to each other now and then. He has been very incouraging and has been very happy for me from the beginning.

Answer 1

Listen hon...She IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE! After the first few sentences I knew EXACTLY what you were going to say next because my mother is the SAME way.

Look, I know you want to have a relationship with your mom. You want her to feel happy for you...you are doing all these great things that make you happy and you want her approval and love. I have been there...I am still there....and I will never get it. No matter how hard I work or what I do she will always be the bitter, angry, hateful, nasty, sneaky witch that she is now.

So here's what I have learned...Keep contact limited to short phone calls and emails. You have to keep the exposiser to the poison as low as possible. When she starts (and you know what I mean) you have to get off the phone. Use what ever excuse you can think of...the baby needs changed, someones at the door, you have to finish the laundry...WHATEVER. Do not let her NEGATIVE NASTY WAYS ruin your day/week/month/year. Becasue if you let her...she will. She is a CONTROL FREEK and you are good to be away from her.

Enjoy your child, your new home, your job, your friends, your school and your husband. Be happy and healthy and most of all AWAY from her. She may regret what she is doing someday, but I doubt it. Personally I don't think they see what they are doing at all. If it helps, you are not alone with the witchqueen mother problems....there are more of us.

Answer 2

I had the same problem with my mother. And it caused a lot of hurt. The only person who ever did anything right in her eyes was my sister. No matter what I did, It was never good enough. I finally gave up trying to get some approval from her. I stopped crying about it and focused on the ones around me that loved me unconditionly, I wish you the very best of luck..
Been there.

Answer 3

I can totally relate to your situation. My mother is the exact way .I used to let it bother me but I just realize that she is just miserable herself. It sounds like no matter what you do in life shell always think it is not good enough. The thing is she is still your mom. You just have to tell her that you are happy and it hurts you that she compares you to your sister. Tell her that no matter what she thinks you are happy with your life and things are going to stay the same no matter what she says. She just has to deal with it and just love you for who you are. If she calls and bi.tches about it tell her only call you if she has something positive to tell you anything else you dont want to here so if she is going to be negative she might as well hang up now.You have accomplished a lot and should feel proud!

Answer 4

You love your life that is great, now how about to tell your mother that and also explain to her if she can not be supportive maybe it will be best if we don't communicate as often
to have a healthy life we sometimes have to remove certain people from it, as hard as it might be you might have to stop talking to your mom call her for the holidays only
If you feel that you can't tell her to back off on the phone write her a letter
I am betting that she is doing the same thing to your sister you just don't know it
Be strong

Answer 5

I am going to tell you something that life has taught me.

Every buddy isn't a friend and every relative isn't family.

You have to decide wether you want that kind of negativity in your life. If not then remove her from your life. I know that is hard with your mom. TRUST ME I KNOW. Start slowly. Stop taking her calls if she calls. When you hear her on voicemail don't listen to it delete it immediately. Stop calling, going over and inviting her over. Don't allow her to show up unannouced. YOU ARE AN ADULT act like it. Don't let her tell you what to do in your home. Or speak to you in a manner that your feel is hurtful and disrespectful. She is jealous of you and sometimes you just have to know when to cut someone loose.

Answer 6

You know what i think your mom needs therapy to get over the resentment she feels towards you . Why at this point in your life do you feel you need her approval? And you will probably never get her approval so why bother trying? She obviously has played favorites among her children all your life. Next time she says something hatefull use this "mom if you keep talking like this I am going to hang up",Im sorry you dont approve of me or my life ,but that is definately your problem you need to deal with it". And if she keeps going at it then simply hang up. Good luck in dealing with her.

Answer 7

from your statement i can conclude that your mother never had a beautiful marriage let me believe that as your mother want the best for you and that is why she thinks that becos she failed you will fail.i want you to prove to your mother love actually exist and true happiness is being in your home with your husband.try your very best not to confide in her ,distance your self from your mum and your sister always remember that bad manners corrupt good manners. never allow her bring your spirit down.be focus on what you want to achieve and make up your mind that you will makes it becos when you finally become successful that same mother will turn around.make your mother know that for 18 yrs of your life you have never known the kind of joy and love that you are experiencing.baby be strong and determined becos i had the best of life as a kid but i have come to realise that marriage life is simply beautiful.always have it in mind that your marriage has no choice that to be successful your mother failed does not mean that you will fail.good lucky and i wish you the very best

Answer 8

Your mother is jealous of you. Her hateful, spiteful remarks towards you are a form of abuse - and you should not tolerate it.

It is obvious that she has her own issues - and isn't happy with herself. This is why she tries to drag her daughters down. It is too bad that your sister has fallen into that trap.

My mother is the same way. Over the years, her issues with bi-polar disorder / manic depression / and obsessive-compulsive disorder have made her behaviour far more erratic. I accept the fact that she is mentally ill - but for the sake of my own sanity - I have kept very limited contact with her. It sounds like you and your husband may have to do the same.

Answer 9

Seems like mom is playing favourites between you and your sister, and also your husband and your ex. It's your life. If she is making you unhappy, keep your relationship with her limited (as in holidays and special occasions only). You only have one mother, so you don't want to completely cut her out of your life, but don't let her negativity affect your life. And as for your sister...she just has ISSUES!

Be happy...even if it means happiness without them.

Good Luck.

Answer 10

I know how you feel.Except I disowned my mother 5 months ago.All she did was interfere,moan moan moan.I had enough.She couldn't stand my man,and he is very polite,well mannered,hard working.Nothing I ever did was good enough.She would swear in front of my children continually.The woman is pure evil.She has done a lot of nasty things to me which I am not prepared to put down.But getting rid of her was the best thing I ever did.I have a happy life with my partner and kids now.