I see a mighty whale, what be the best way to catch it, as harpoons are not to be found?

Answer 1

Yarr, ye wantin' to be lurin' that there mighty whale to yer vessel. Here be what ye be wantin' to be doin':

Ye get yer lovliest wench an' ye be makin' her sing. Yon wench's dulcet tones be lurin' the whale right near yer fine ship.

When yon mighty whale be right next to yer furner, ye be sendin' yer sprogs over the side with golden sporks ye plundered from them high falutin' ships. Yer sprogs will be carousin' with that mighty whale and that's when yer mighty whale be submitting.

When this plan be not workin' ye be needin' to get more sprogs as yer sprogs be wi' Davy Jones.

Answer 2

Reason with it. Explain that, although you haven't got a harpoon with you at the moment, you could always come back later, armed to the teeth with several of the biggest and best. Ask the whale it's aquatic name, get friendly with it. This way the whale would follow you into harbour where you can extract it's blubber and sell it to the Japanese!

Answer 3

It be International Speal Like a Pirate Day today bain't it me hearty? I would be going a hunting something smaller if you have lost your harpoons already! Maybe the Black Pearl me hearty? She be a mightly prize. Worth far more than all that there whale blubber and more environmentaly friendly too LOL

Answer 4

ARR, matey , yee bound not to catch any kind of toona fish
so ye might be better not to think at so ridiculous things like catching a whale! OH Jesus, Mary 'n Joseph what'd'ya be
thinkin' you turnip , this job only for men is to be, no broad is going to set foot on me ship when huntin' yee should know that
bad luck it is , and no crue is going to set sale with ya.
A true seaman would rather bring a sack o ' wabbits on deck and
go harpooing around seagulls instead of goin' with a woman on sea.
ARRR that is.

Answer 5

Avast, I chased a whale around Vegas! They be crafty things!
If ye can find one to catch, I would not employ Patrick Stewart! Yarr, he be baad at whale catching! I should dress one of ye seamen up as a female whale, (probably the cabin boy, or the pirate with a peg leg) and tie him to the bow!

Answer 6

Well I once caught a gudgeon and I bet the principle is the same. The problem would not be catching him (or her) but would be in working out just how heavy it was once you caught it. For this I would suggest taking it to the Whale Weigh Station.
Rgds
Jonathan Ross

Answer 7

Well, by popular belief, you need really expensive equipment to deal with whales, e.g. harpoons, an authentic Japanese accent, or Sir David Attenbruff (sp?) in the foreground,

Nothing's further from the truth.

Whales can hear sounds across thousands of miles of ocean, so to control them, just wrap an iPod in a plastic bag, tie it up tight with a bin-liner twist, and lower it into the water on a string.

Exactly what behaviour you can evoke from the animal depends on what you have loaded on the iPod.

Below, I've given you a handy reference guide, with suggested songs. You might like to print this out on water- & seagull dropping-resistant paper.

IF YOU WANT THE WHALE TO...

...Beach Itself With A Wail Of Anguish Heard 3,000 Miles Away:
'London Bridge' by Fergie

...Mutate Into A Sperm Whale: 'It’s Ecstasy When You Lay Next To Me' by Barry White

...Skip The Light Fandango / Turn Cartwheels Across The Floor:
'A Whiter Shade Of Pale' (Procol Harum original only, the Annie Lennox version just makes them sing along)

...Mutate Into A 'Bicurious' Sperm Whale: 'I Want Your Sex' by George Michael

...Throw Its Hands In The Air Like It Just Don't Care: 'B-Boys & Fly Girls' by Bomfunk MC

....Break Wind Loudly And Spectacularly Through Its Blowhole:
Anything by James Blunt.


Hope this helps!



PS: Oooh, oooh, by the way, I just have to do this : )

'GRRRRRRR!!!'***

Hee hee, sorry, couldn't resist!

Answer 8

I just love the way hearty how you always enter into the spirit of the occasion...especially on this momentous day when we celebrate Talk like a Pirate Day. Oh matey use your imagination I would be using a whale net...me Hearty!

Answer 9

I would send Al Gore and the greenies and they would talk reason to the whale so that it would catch itself. Now if they can't the whale could just laugh itself silly and then we bring in.

Answer 10

Maybe a stick of dynamite or other explosive on a line thrown over its tail. That would disable the steering as well as cause lots of blood loss that would weaken it.
what were you planning to do after you catch it?. It is kind of tough to tow and tough to hide it from the authorities. If you are going to make whale steaks to sell to restaurants you had better slice them up and hide them really quickly, You would also need the mother of all on-board freezers to hold those packaged steaks and a really big at-sea burial site for the bones (maybe with concrete overshoes on those front flippers).