Hi,
Ive got a 20 month old baby girl, she is amazing and I love her to bits but during her birth I suffered badly, I ended up being rushed for an emergency c-section, the numbness had not gone deep enough so I felt them operating on me, so they then had to knock me out to deliver her, when they where operating my left lung collapsed and I ended up spending the first few hours away from her in intensive care.
I didnt bond with her at all, couldnt breast feed, and ended up with severe post natal depression afterwards for the first 8 months of her life.
Ive recovered with great help and support from my fiance and family and great friends, and were as close as can be now, but its getting to the stage when Id like to consider having a little brother or sister for her and Im worried.
Not so much that the same thing with the birth will happen - as ive since spoke with the consultant - but that I wont bond with the new baby, and how I'll cope.
Any advice? I would like another
2006-09-19 01:32:07 · 14 answers · asked by Hannah 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
My fiance is very pleased I am considering another baby as I wanted to be sterilised very shortly after the birth, for obvious reasons no doctor/surgeon would allow this as I was suffering badly with depression.
He would of had another one as soon as I was better but wanted to wait for me to ask so he knew he was not pushing me. The thing is my mind changes from day to day, so Im not sure if its more down to pressure of the family wanting more grandchildren (his side not mine) or my own decision?
How do u really know if your ready for more? I was on the contraceptive pill when I got pregnant with my daughter Lily so she was not even planned?
2006-09-19 01:45:16 · update #1
Oh I also suffered with pre-enclampsia badly during the end of the pregnancy and SPD during and throughout the birth.
2006-09-19 01:47:44 · update #2
I can understand you situation. I did not have the physical trauma that you suffered, but when my first child was born, I was under a lot of emotional stress and turmoil from a family situation and I didn't feel like I bonded with my daughter either. I thought she hated me. Nothing I could do would comfort her, which made me even more depressed. 2 yrs. 9 mo. later I had my son and it was totally different. We bonded right away. Today they are 17 & 14 and they are both very close to me. I think my daughter and I have now made up for the time we lost back then and are closer than ever. Don't worry yourself unnecessarily right now. Just love her and be a good mom to her (sounds like you've got this covered) and everything else will work itself out, with her and with the new baby when he or she comes into your life. Just be sure your doc says you are ready physically. You will know when you are ready emotionally. Don't let family push you, this is your decision!
Much love to you and good luck. I know you wont need it!!!
2006-09-19 02:06:30 · answer #1 · answered by F-1 says KISS IT! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear that so much went wrong for you & its great that you are willing to try again.. Your partner must be very proud of you.. Doctors always say no 2 births are the same so you might sail through it this time!!! Just make sure you have lots of support & take it as easy as possible & things should be ok...
There is no guarantee that the post natal depression will come back again but none that it won't either... My advice to you is go for it, if the worst case scenario happens & it resurfaces you've beaten it before i'm sure you will again...
Try not to be too anxious about it durin the pregnancy if you can help it though..
Take care,i hope you'l be fine & have a healthy baby...
2006-09-20 13:36:48 · answer #2 · answered by Lola 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow you've been through so much! No wonder you're worried.
I'd echo what someone else has said, that every pregnancy is different, and every birth is different, and you'd be the unluckiest person in the world if things went as badly as it did last time!
Given that your daughter was unplanned, I'd suggest that a very positive start to your next child's life is highly probable, as you're already starting to think about it - a positive thing in itself!
When you do get pregnant next time, mention all your fears and past difficulties to your midwife - she will put it on your notes so that anyone you deal with will be aware of what's happened.
Think very positively and get your daughter involved with every aspect of your pregnancy and planning for the new arrival - that way, you're reinforcing your bond and getting your head into bonding mode with the new one.
Take things slowly and demand help from friends, neighbours and family - my son was only 19 months old when my daughter was born (she was a surprise) and I didn't bond with her either - I ended up on medication for PND and am only just getting my head together (almost 2 years later). Don't take on too much, and get as much rest as you can. Good luck.
2006-09-19 09:44:41 · answer #3 · answered by Roxy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
God bless you. That sounds like a horrific experience. Now that the medical issues are dealt with, make sure that someone deals with the fact that you had a history of post-partum depression. Many times medication can be given pre delivery or shortly thereafter to help offset it. You may also do counselling pre and post baby arrival. I'm sure that you will cope just fine. You say that you have a great support system and you are well aware of the things that can happen. How does your fiance feel about another pregnancy/child? Good Luck!
2006-09-19 08:40:12 · answer #4 · answered by Kim S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My first baby the ding dong of a MD I had didn't get all of the placenta out. Needless to say I had several trips to the ER, before I had a DNC in the middle of the night because I wouldn't stop bleeding. I guess some people just bleed a lot after wards anyhow. When I had my second baby I was so scared of this. I changed Doctors and went to a midwife. She really listened and helped me a lot. I would say if you really want another baby...then you should go for it. You just have to think of ur-self and ur health. You want to make sure that you will be around for ur other children that is what I figure. Even with my second baby I bleed like crazy. Scary enough to make my husband say that I don't want any more kids because I worry about you loosing ur life. The choose is completely, up to you and ur man. Just be careful and think about ur life too!
2006-09-19 09:47:53 · answer #5 · answered by LeeLynn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the only thing you can expect from childbirth is that the baby's coming out at the end, one way or the other. Ive had four, each delivery and baby was totally different, so i feel confident of assuring you that the second time around is more likely to be completely different rather than the same. im prone to depression as well, and when my midwife prescribed me a mild anti-depressant to take while i was pregnant, as well as after, and i had no issues with it. I also had problems with a c-section(#4), i felt the blade too and had to be violently put under and then proceeded to bleed out, while being in a foreign hospital myself without my husband or anyone because we had no one to watch our other children, but the baby's two now and i feel sufficiently "over" it that id like another myself. please don't be afraid, women are built, as far as nature's concerned, to have and care for children. the fact that you're actually putting thought into bringing a life into the world makes you a better mum than some already!
2006-09-19 08:54:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I had a very troubled pregnancy with my oldest daughter who is ten. And yes I had a hard time with her at first. It soon passed. And we had 2 children after that with no problem. I to was worried that I would have the same problems as I did with my daughter, but every thing was fine. I think it has to do with the state of mind. I believed every thing would be OK if I had more kids and it was. And having a good family support group really helps.
Go for it. And good luck
2006-09-19 08:38:17 · answer #7 · answered by Kali_girl825 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Poor you, yes you had a dreadful time but congratulations you are nearly through this as you would not be thinking about more children if you weren't. To suffer what you did was very rare, and as sure as eggs is eggs your depression came from the trauma that you had been through. Likewise the reason why you couldn't bond with your baby, you were obviously severely traumatised and who wouldn't be? I am sure you are ready to try again, just take all the support of your family with you and this time it will be the happy event it should be, wishing you tons of luck.
2006-09-19 08:39:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to hear about your traumatic story. The best advice from me s that you keep relaxed and take every day as it comes. Every pregnancy and birth is different and go have a chat to your doctor just to make sure all is in order before taking the leap. Next time have a scheduled c-section so as to eliminate the need of an emergancy one. Then they can make sure everything is completely numb! Good luck and God Bless
2006-09-19 08:36:42 · answer #9 · answered by Slk 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi there - don't let the picture scare you, I'm a mom of three (yes, really, LOL!) I'm so sorry about your first experiences, but the other ladies are correct - no two births are the same. Talk to your doctor, your husband, your family, even a counsellor so that you have a strong support network in place. Best of luck! (I'd hug you...but I think my makeup would smear, hehehe!)
2006-09-19 08:46:01 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋