Moms, Psychs, anyone!!!.....how do I handle this prob. at school?

Question

For three years now I have had complaints from teachers that my son disrupts their class. He "speaks out when he shouldnt" is the problem.

To make a long story as short as I can, his first teacher simply sat him off to the side of the room for 6 months. I had no idea she did this. This really did a number on his self esteem and started the problem.

Next year (grade 2) same thing. This teacher "couldn't cope" with him. She would yell, kick him out of the room every day, and again had him off to the corner. My son started getting stomach problems and did not want to go to school. So again to cut to the chase I spent every day almost monitoring him, going to the school watching from the sidelines how he played with others, getting him tested psychologically (he is GIFTED). His class is a very rough group always fighting physically. My son has no problem anywhere else (boy scouts/sport teams/camp) so why is this happening at school?

I should add that his classmates are very rough and mean. They beat up on him and then blame him for starting it and the teachers believe this. I think he disrupts the class for revenge almost...what he does is he always wants to answer the questions and show he knows more than everyone else. I think this is a result of their having damaged his self esteem and I don't know what more to do. This brat was beating on him yesterday and blamed him and the teacher this year fell for it again. I'm tired of this crap.

Rvard...yes that is what I'm thinking too...a whole new school...but my other son doesn't want to move...so now I will have 3 kids in 3 different schools...but I'll do it if I have too...they keep saying the problem will follow him and that it's him but I don't buy it...I think it's the ENVIRONMENT because this teacher is new and she told me that she has a big problem with the group of kids...but mine especially because he seems to want "all the attention" as they put it.

Avid/Charmaine, exactly right on with what's happened/I've been told. Had him tested pyschologically she said no ADHD...but I think that is what's wrong he cant sit still for long and they need to help him out some....will have to meet with the school on this for sure. Great principal she really cares but just so many hurdles to overcome...it's very stressful...as if I don't have enough on my plate with my other son having cancer too. You'd think they would handle this without giving me the grief!!!! This teacher is new and I think maybe first time teaching so she sounds overwhelmed but still, if I have to be this involved I may as well get a job at that school!!

Thanks Mrs. Dave...I did EXACTLY that last year!!! And Just Browsing..I think that I have to specifically have him tested for that...I have a psychologist on record saying she didn't think he was ADHD...but I think I have to have him specifically tested and then I will know if it's not that...the problem is the ENVIRONMENT...the children there...the community...and know that my son needs to be with "his own kind".

I didn't want to think we're too good for that school...but honestly sometimes I think that is really what it comes down to. It's sad to think that because it makes me sound like a snob but what else can it be...I've ruled everything else out if so!!!

Thanks "someone" and to EVERYONE for your answers. It means a lot to me to know I'm not alone in this or that I'm not just imagining this and that perhaps I'm right in what I'm doing and how I'm reacting.

Jackie, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. This is exactly my fear, and I told the principal in TEARS last year that THAT school and environment is RUINING my child.

This year's teacher is new and I was impressed with her enthusiasm and expectations at cirruculum night. She and I spoke in great detail and I felt hopeful...but I just feel like all the "air went out of my bag" really when she hit me with this. I have to do something. How can I work and do everything I have to do when this is the greatest priority I have??? People have no idea what it takes to raise a child to be a happy, healthy and well balanced individual...and you're right...they are jealous...parents/teachers/all of them...because they don't meet those standards or won't or can't.

Richg I live in a big city and I wish that was an option. It would be a disadvantage as kids need to learn to interact to succeed, or at least know what they are up against eventually in this world!

Thanks to everyone...you each and everyone hit points that touched home indeed, and really the best environment is one of awareness and where everyone tries to work together to benefit all the children...but in all honesty...some battles are just too big to fight and life is too short. You need to do what is right for you and your family.

Answer 1

I had a problem with my youngest that sounds very much like yours. She had no problems at home or with friends, or anywhere else - except school. And I know those school phone calls, believe me... ;)

I found out she had *mild* ADD. The kids are very bright, but the attention span is very low. The reason they can function well just about anywhere else is because they do not have to sit still and pay attention to things that don't interest them for any length of time other than at school.

I did not have to medicate her, however, the school did have to come up with an education plan for her: her seat was in the front of the class, every 15 minutes she could take a 1 or 2 minute break outside the classroom, her homework was shortened but more intensive, etc. And it worked great!

Maybe you could speak to your son's teachers about a specialized plan to keep him focused and out of trouble. Whether he's ADD or not (you may want to have that checked), it seems to work with kids that can't focus for long periods of time.

Good luck to you! :)

Answer 2

If you say that your child is gifted, it makes me wonder that maybe he is in the wrong class. He is bored, and he is not stimulated enough..He is obviously looking for attention, and he is getting it, even though it is negative it is something. The teachers are wrong sending him into a corner, they should rather get to the bottom of the problem and speak to him, and make time for him. The problem with teachers today, is they have so many children in their classes that they can't give every child the individual attention that they might need. Your son does need some help before he turns into a tyrant, which would probably be through no fault of his own. If you have no problems at home and everything is fine, then I do believe it is because he is bored, and you need to take him out of that class and put him in a special class or school, for the gifted. I hope this helps you. Good luck

Answer 3

It breaks my heart to read what you have written. My son had a problem in school too but of a different kind. I tell you these problems can pass on from year to year unless something is done about it NOW. You say you watch him, very good. But not enough. You need support from his teachers at school. Most teachers do not have the patience to give a child individual attention, specially those children who give them trouble. According to me, teachers need to be trained to identify those children who have problems. It is not difficult to identify. Unusual behavior amongst children point out that they have some problem. Big or small does not matter, but it should not be allowed to grow. By punishing children or making them feel small before their class is destroying the child's self-esteem to a lifetime.

You need therefore to approach the school, speak to the teacher, counseler, princi, whoever, that your child needs support from both sides that is at home and at school. That they should give him some special attention and be gentle on him. After two years of being treated badly, if one teacher shows him some kindness, I am sure, he will go any lengths to keep up his 'good-boy" image.

Before you approach them, have a friendly chat with your son. Tell him that when you see him punished it hurts you more than anything in the world. Try to bring out from him why this is happening at school. It is possible that his earlier teacher put in a word with his present teacher who has continued to take the same stand. On the other hand, the first teacher must have done the damage to your child's understanding and does not like teachers and school. It is possible that your child is very intelligent and just cannot keep quiet. Tell him that he is terrific but in class he should follow some rules. If he feels the urge to speak, instead of speaking out of turn, he should write down what he is thinking (short answer - if he can). Surely, he can raise his hand before speaking. Teachers appreciate that and give children the chance to speak if they want to, when they see a raised hand. He is enthusiastic and this should not be curbed the way it is being done. Both teachers and parents together can make the difference. Good luck.

Answer 4

It sounds to me like these teachers don't know how to deal with the "Gifted" children. Do they have the break out program for some of his subjects? If he has a roudy class where there is allways fighting, then that teacher has a problem controlling her students. Sounds like they are using your child as the fall guy for ther own short comings as teachers. tell his teacher you are going to come to school everyday as a teacher's aid to work with her in resolveing her problems in getting along with this child. And tell her to let him answer the questions and excell and possibly tutor the other students. If she makes him feel worth while and important instead of a trouble maker, that's how he'll get positive attention. He is only doing what is expected of him and they expect this negative behaviour. Or you could tell them all to go pound sand and just home school him. (That's what I would do ) Good Luck

Answer 5

I followed my son through his classes just like your doing..
Every year teachers ( they say they don't do this BUT they do ) pick students who they believe will be troublemakers in the class and ones who they tend to "lay the blame on "

My best advice for you is to first have a face to face with not only his teacher but go right over his or her head to her boss and threaten to go to HIS. Tell them you believe there is a personality conflict in the class room that you want solved ASAP. Lay your test results in front of not just his teacher but both bosses letting them know you IF the teacher does not change their tune you will pull your child before his self esteem is wrecked anymore ..

Start hunting around for a teacher / school where he can learn to his highest potential so that you have this back up when you meet with these people ... what the teacher is doing is abusing your child don't stand for it ... If she admits to not being able to cope with a gifted child then they need to rethink her employment with that school

I wish you both all the best

Answer 6

First let me say I work in a medical office and see so many wrongly diagnosed cases of ADD and ADHD it is ridiculous. A huge majority of these "issues" can be resolved through realignment of diet, nutrition and supplementation. In your son's case I think it has a lot more to do with the fact that he is needing more of a challenge. An environment that will allow him to excel at his own potential and not that of what an administration has deemed as the "average". In my area there are independent schools that embrace these concepts, such as the Montessori organization.

Answer 7

I know it is over-diagnosed, but I would say he has a touch of adhd. You can try all kinds of dietary restrictions (such as cutting back on carbs. and no red food dye). You can try occupational therapy. Or, you can try medication. You will probably get a lot of responses on here about the evils of medicating your child, but let me tell you about my daughter. She was older when she was diagnosed (9 going on 10). She went through 5 years of hell at school because of her lack of self control (she is also gifted, and so grades weren't a problem). She wasn't making friends, and she was constantly having problems with paying attention. When she was diagnosed, and I told her we might try some medicine to help her, she was so relieved that her condition had a name, and we could help her. She is 13 now. She has a lot of friends, she has a big part in the school play, she plays two instruments, and she is at peace with our decision (which she is free anytime to quit taking the med). She is taking small doses of adderall.
ADHD has many symptoms, and not all of them appear. It's not just a focusing problem.

Answer 8

School is a soul crushing place where fun goes to die. You're son can see this and is planing for the future. I too was in gifted (altho i was more of a joke when i was in it) and they kinda tell you that you're better than the other kids, while at the same time telling us to be.. normal. I'd get him out of the class, it just ends up being more crap than its worth. I got out of it last year, and i think my grade school would have gone much better without it. I'm not saying thats whats wrong with him, but that class wasn't good for me.

Answer 9

Well, it doesn't sound like your son is doing this all by himself. Maybe you should talk to the teacher and tell her what you think. Maybe the teacher is not giving him a fair chance as all the other kids, so your son tries to get her attention. If this still doesn't work, maybe you should think about other options for school, like switching schools, or home schooling.

Answer 10

he's bored. I was "gifted" in school and because of that, my work was always completed first so I got bored. boy scouts and sports keep you busy.....constantly, so no time for boredom. Talk to his teacher, ask him/her to give him extra worksheets, keep him busy. If he/she can't and this class is as rough as you say, you may have to consider changing classrooms or even a private school. The public school system is so overworked these days that it is impossible to focus on one student but a private school has a better student/teacher ratio so he may get more out of his education there. Good Luck