I didn't make up these so don't give me the credit. I wish I did cause they're hilarious. The more offensive, the better.
Why did so many blacks get killed in Vietnam?
Because every time the sergeant said "GET DOWN" they all stood up and started dancing.
Jesus walks into a Holiday Inn. He places three nails and a hammer on the desk. Jesus asks
"could you put me up for the night?"
What’s the difference between an oil painting and Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang an oil painting...
What is white and falls from the sky?
the cuming of the lord.
What do you call a black priest?
HOLY SH1T!!!!!!!
Q: What's that useless piece of skin around a vagina called?
A: A woman!
What do blondes and noodles have in common?
They wiggle when you eat them!
Why couldn’t Helen Keller drive?
Because she was a woman
There was a blonde on her way to the airport
when she saw a sign that said "Airport left" ........
So she turned around and went home.
2006-09-18 22:21:26 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
A man comes home from work one day and tells his wife that he just bought a pack of Olympic condoms. His wife asks which ones should they try first and he replies "we'll try the silver medal condom first ok?" and she says "yes that’s fine, at least that means this time you WONT COME FIRST!!"
Man sitting by a lake, when a guy in a flowing white robe walks by... “who are you asks the guy?”
”I’m Jesus”, replies the man
”prove it”, says the guy
So Jesus walks out on top of the lake. First it was ok but slowly but started to sink.
See!! Shouts the guy, “I knew you weren’t Jesus.”
I used to be able to do this before they put these holes in my feet...replies Jesus.
What’s the difference between a blonde and a and a mosquito?
When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking
How do two gay guys settle a dispute?
They go outside and exchange blows.
Why does Barbie have trouble getting pregnant?
Because Ken always comes in a box!
2006-09-18 22:22:04 · update #1
Chuck Norris took a trip to the Virgin Islands. When he left, they were just the Islands.
what is better than winning the gold medal in the Special Olympics? not being retarded
Baby you need to let me get into your pants.
Lady replies: Why?, there’s already one *** in them
how do you turn a dishwasher into a snowblower?
give the ***** a shovel
what’s the difference between an Ethiopian and a pair of jeans
the pair jeans only has one fly on it
Why aren't black babies allowed to play in the sandbox?
The cat will bury them
what are the similarities between a brick and a fat chick?
eventually they will both get laid by a Mexican
2006-09-18 22:23:22 · update #2
Q: What three things are common between the sun and woman's underwear?
A: Both are hot, both look better while going down and both disappear at
night.
Q: Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?
A: Because they are tired of using their own.
Q: What's common between men and video?
A: Both go
backward...forward...backward...forward...backward....forward...stop and
eject.
Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5-7 days and if it
doesn't come it means you are f*cked !
Q: What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives warm satisfaction?
A: A teabag.
2006-09-18 22:39:58 · answer #1 · answered by shoosh_b 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Beat these ones......
Once upon a time,there's this guy who's got a really small penis.His wife hates him and there's no fun in his sex life.So he goes to the doctor and tells his problem.The doctor gives him a bottle of pills and tells him to have one pill daily and let his penis reach regular size in a few days.But the man's way too excited.He goes home and drowns all the pills in one gulp down his stomach.The next day his penis becomes as huge as an oil pipeline and a few hundred metres long.His wife doesn't mind any penis as long as it's BIG and is OK with it.The next day they set out for a morning walk,the penis ahead and the man and his wife behind.There's a railway track ahead.The man's penis falls on the railway track and the man sees an approaching train.He screams to his wife,"Do something quick or my penis will get cut in half !!".His wife begins to strip dance.The man's penis becomes erect,goes up,and the train passes below it.
One day there's a man and his wife driving in a car.The man is a real bore and is constantly ranting about how bad the weather is,how sad the politicians are and so on.His wife gets sick of this and threatens to cut off the man's penis if he continues to talk trash.The man keeps quiet for some time but then again begins to bore his wife.His wife's furious and cuts off her husband's penis with a large knife and throws it outta the window.The penis is carried by the wind to the car coming behind that of the couple, the car in which John Smith,his wife and his three little kids were travelling.John Smith sees the penis fall on his windshield and fearing that his kids might see it,turns the wiper on and removes it.
Suddenly his youngest son Jim asks,
"What was that dad ?",
John replies,"That,Jim,was a butterfly."
,"Wow",replies Jim..."Did you see what a big penis it had ?"
Pleeeeeeease choose me for the best answer...I havent even had one yet !!!
2006-09-18 23:10:45 · answer #2 · answered by ajay v 1 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Little Boy Blue.
Little Boy Blue who?
Michael Jackson.
2006-09-19 02:49:22 · answer #3 · answered by tangerine 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What was the last thing the Roamns said to Jesus before they cruxified him? "Hey buddy, can you cross your legs, we only got 3 nails left".
2006-09-18 23:17:46 · answer #4 · answered by yuntaa_dba 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Question: What do men and beer bottles have in common?
answer: they are both empty from the neck up.
2006-09-19 04:35:51 · answer #5 · answered by Bling Bling 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Gawd, you have more than a few. I can't or won't tell mine on Yahoo! Answers .
2006-09-18 22:30:22 · answer #6 · answered by no nickname 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
how do you confuse an archeoligist?
give him a tampon and ask him what period its from
2006-09-18 22:27:04 · answer #7 · answered by itlnstln6 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋