Girls are always using my brother and treating him like crap?

Question

They all milk him for everything he has and then leave him heartbroken, He treats them too nice and they seem to take advantage of this, Do other nice guys out there get treated like this and how have you dealt with it. I am so angry and wanna belt some of these bitches but he wont let me. Hes 30 and has been treated like this for as long as I can remember. Am I just an over protective big sister.

Answer 1

Sometimes some people have to learn things on their own. However, if you feel that he's been falling into the same pattern each time and chasing after the same type of girl, then perhaps some sisterly advice wouldn't be too bad if it will help him avoid a couple months or years of heartache falling for the wrong women.

One of the problems with nice guys is that they tend to sell themselves short. Whatever level an individual sets the bar at becomes the standard. This pertains to business and just about any relationship.

For example, if your brother starts out showering the girl with gifts, that becomes the standard. Because he's the one giving, he has set himself up to have to maintain that level.

When you apply the Supply and Demand Model of Economics to Relationships, you'll see two things manifest:

- Law of Diminshing Returns
- Theory of Rising Expectations

The Law of Diminishing Returns is something we experience all the time. The more you do something, the less of an impact it has compared to the first.

It's seen with Substance Abuse. The first time someone takes a drug, the initial high is powerful because the body has never encountered it before. However, through repeated usage, the same dosage eventually becomes weaker.

That's what Drug Dealers count on when they get people hooked on their products. Because they need more in order to get that high, they are able to establish a market.

In regards to your brother, if he keeps showering affection in the form of gifts, those gifts or whatever he does starts to become routine or less impressive. It means that if he wants to maintain the interest of the woman, he has to buy more expensive gifts or something that will win back that interest.

That's where the Theory of Rising Expectations tends to kick in. The women he's with start developing higher expectations of your brother, which in the end becomes pretty much futile because it's almost impossible to do that.

I work in the Film & Entertaiment Industry and one thing I've learned is that it's all a matter of perspective. I've seen cases where you'll get really "bratty" individuals that think that they're entitled to a lot of things. They'll even go so far as threaten law suits.

Sometimes you have to knock them down a peg and show them where they've screwed up or breached contract or else they'll develop this attitude thinking they're superior.

With the women that are walking all over your brother, they most likely think they're God's gift to men because your brother showers them with so much affection without expecting much in return. So it sets up room for failure in the relationship because the women he's dating keep on expecting more and your brother keeps on giving.

That's the number one flaw of all Nice Guys. They're too accommodating and project themselves as "Easy Conquests" ultimately losing the interest of the girl.

Imagine if you could have any man in the world and this man could be anyone you wanted. He could transform into any personality type and never argue with you because he's so perfect.

Most women would think that's the type of man they want, but you'd find that if it came true, they'd most likely get bored with that male and dump him like a toy. You see it with children. When they get a new toy, they play with it.

However, once they've explored every facet of the toy, it ceases to be interesting to them and they toss it in the closet with the rest of the old toys. That's what is happening to your brother much like Nice Guys.

People wonder why women always go out with jerks. It's because the jerks who treat women badly know how to establish Intellectual Dominance and Superiority to keep a woman off balance and feel like she needs that man. They are able to tap into the Insecurities of that Female making them self-conscious.

Nice Guys, ironically enough, go in the other direction of building up a woman's confidence to that they're more prone to leave.

You see this in the Parent-Child Model. Ever notice how children who have really supportive parents that nurture them and build their kids up are self-confident and leave the nest?

Conversely, children who have domineering parents that are really controlling and micromanage every aspect of their child's life develop children that are dependent and clingy. Those children are insecure and unable to think for themselves and lack the confidence to make decisions on their own.

That's why you see all these really beautiful women that are captivated by jerks. Those men that mistreat them or keep them mentally off balance tend to keep those women longer or until the relationship gets so bad that they finally leave. However, you'll still see cases of very insecure women that will go back to the guy even though it's so obvious he's a loser and treating her badly.

You see the same thing in Corporate America. Ever notice how bosses tend to criticize their employees and point out everything they've done wrong? They're unconsciously setting a bar or expectations that keep the employee off balance. If a really smart employee realized his or her full potential and had the confidence to go into business for her own and be an entrepreneur or find another job that pays more, they would.

The way people cling to their jobs and are afraid to branch out into the unknown are worried about failure. So they stay with their job settling for whatever level they're at or finally leave when things become intolerable in teh workplace.

With your brother, he needs to do some introspection and figure out what kind of woman he wants. He needs to also practice on being firm and establishing his own set of boundaries. A lot of nice guys never set boundaries or are afraid to reinforce those hard set lines, which is what allows them to become pushovers.

Most nice guys tend to be "Acommodators" and "Rescuers." They accommodate others and they rescue people in trouble. The problem with rescuers is that after you finish rescuing a person, they no longer need you. Your brother exhibits the classic traits of accommodating his girlfriends and becoming an obsolete rescuer. So they don't need him anymore or treat him badly.

He just gives and gives and gives.

Corporate America exploits fresh young college graduates in the same way. They're all eager, bright-eyed, and bushy-tailed when they enter the working world.

Because they lack any real work experience, their self-confidence about their skills and abilities remains low. So they work and work and work.

Their bosses just pile more and more work as long as the new college grad as an employee doesn't complain. Amusingly enough, those new employees fall into a psychological trap because as soon as they complain, it's defiance.

"The Devil Wears Prada" with Anne Hatheway and Meryl Streep is a really good example of really bad work places where a new employee is overworked and where it dominates her life.

Your brother is setting himself up as the eager employee with his ex-girlfriends being the boss. It's not an equal partnership. Businesses are like Relationships. You want an equal partnership where both profits are shared. Your brother is the one who ends up doing all the work while the girlfriend is the boss collecting all the Emotional Profits from your brother's hard work.

In reality, since your brother is the one doing all the work, he should be the one who is boss in the Relationship or have more leverage where he's getting "emotionally paid" for his efforts. Because he doesn't realize that, he ends up short-changing himself.

It's like Biff in "Back to the Future" who is being mean to George McFly at the beginning of the movie. He's making George McFly do all his work to submit to the boss, using George's car, and getting it wrecked.

You see Biff saying he's not going to pay for the wreck on George's car and is bitching about the food stain he got from when he slammed on the breaks.

- George McFly = Your Brother
- Biff Tannen = Your Brother's Girlfriends
- George working his *** off for Biff = Your brother working hard to make the relationship work with his ex-girlfriends
- Biff thinking he's not to blame = your brother's girlfriends thinking they're not to blame
- Each Car = your brother's relationship with the each girlfriend that he spent on
- Damaged Car = bad things happening in the relationship caused by Biff (brother's girlfriend)
- Marty McFly = you as the sister complaining

That's why the "Back to the Future" Solution for your brother is where he (George McFly) has to stand up to his girlfriends (Biffs).

He's not standing up for himself. So he gets treated like a doormat. If you want to go help him, tell him to go watch "Back to the Future" and see if he realizes the parallelism between his love life and that of poor George McFly.

Everybody's got a Biff, George, and Marty character. The names change, but the player are all the same.

I see this all the time in Business and Love Relationships. Most people though just keep walking around with Blinders on and committing the same mistakes.

It's like the saying goes, "Stupidity isn't making mistakes. Stupidity is making the same mistake over and over again and expecting a different outcome."

Your brother should try analyzing:

1) The type of women he's attacted to
2) The behaviorial traits they exhibit
3) How he tends to treat them
4) How they react
5) When the relationship starts to fall apart
6) What are the warning signs

If he tweaks his approach, he may be able to do some preventative maintenance and finally establish himself as the Master of his Domain rather than getting his heart trampled on all the time.

Answer 2

You are doing the right thing by being protective. But i think you have to know that you bro is independant now, so i think you should let him sort things out himself. He shouldnt let girls just get things out of him eitherm, tell him to stand up for himself!. Everyone has their own faults, just try and help him through the hard times.

Answer 3

I empathize with you. However, it is not the girls fault...its his. One can be nice without being a fool. He needs to choose better and become more assertive. Self confidence will help also. You might try borrowing a few books from the library that deals with self assurance and gaining self confidence. The librarian sill help. Try and get him to read those.

A new man might emerge.

Answer 4

No. You are acting like a sister should who loves her brothe. 1st off he needs to find compatibility with some1. Money should be the warning sign. Yes a gentleman is always great, but women are coneiving and want to feel as though their man has it all under control, not that he will give in to all of her WANTS

Answer 5

in my opinion i think yes! just leave the guy alone i mean he already has his own life!

Answer 6

Helping him will not help him to help himself

Answer 7

HE'S GOING TO HAVE TO LEARN IT THE HARD WAY. B/C IM THE SAME WAY WITH MY DAUGHTER . I WOULD LIKE TO BEAT HIS BUTT.

Answer 8

advice him and leave him to his life