Should I push my husband to prove paternity?

Question

My husband had a child with another woman, but he has doubts. Sounds typical right? no. he loves this child and wants so very bad for him to be his son, at the same time, the child has a diff blood type than both parents, a different hair color and eye color... the boy is tow headed and blue eyed, both parents and their families are all brown hair brown eyed... It is something that my husband agonizes over, and she does use my step son as emotional blackmail to try to get him to come back. She dangels visitation and other fatherly priviledges in front of him to try to lure him to her house and back to her. It's sad, and I feel so sorry for this little boy, he deserves so much better. My husband knows he should find out and make a decision from there, but he's scared to find him not his son afterall. I'd really appreciate feedback, as I've been considering getting a home collection kit and doing it without his knowledge. His heartbreak is mine.

Answer 1

OK, you should tell your husband to get the DNA test. Whether the boy turns out to be his son or not, he can still get visitation rights. Since he is the only father that the boy has ever known, the court will acknowledge that there is a relationship between the man and boy and that it would only hurt the child to have the only father that he has ever known to be denied him. The court will take in all the information, but will do what is best for the child. So unless your husband has a criminal record, is a wife/child beater, or something of that nature then the court will most likely find no reason to deny visitation between the two of them. It may not be as often as you like, but at least it will be court ordered, and the ex can not decide that he can't see the little boy, and she will have nothing to use to "dangle" in front of your husband. And the stability will benefit the child, because all children need stability, and with the ex letting your husband see the child when she gets good and ready is not good for the child. A set date and time is something that this child can count on, and he needs that.

But basic biology tells you that if the child has a blood type that matches neither of the parents, then most likely the "father" isn't the biological father.

Answer 2

First, I think that doing this test without his knowledge may be something you should really think about some more. He couold be furious with you for doing that. I think I would be. BUT, I would definitely push him into getting the test done. I really give your husband props for loving this child and it's a very manly thing that he's doing. I think the answer here is to let your husband know that no matter what the results are, that this child in a way will always be his and that you'd have no problem with him still continuing to see this boy. And that's not for his mother's sake, it's for the child's sake. Because he wouldn't understand how all the sudden, his father isn't his father. I think that if it's not his, and she has no claim over him or reason to use visitation as a black mail type thing, she'll probably stop after the test if it's proven that he isn't the father and probably glad that he is going to continue seeing him. Maybe after so long, if your husband doesn't get the test done, you can go ahead and do it, just make sure that you don't have to draw blood or anything like that, OK? That could be a violation of some type that you may need to ckeck into. I wouldn't be too surprised, however, if this ends up being his son, though, because you never can know how a child will turn out with genetics and what family features can all of the sudden pop up. It doesn't sound like you really want the child to not be, it just sounds like you question it and would like to know for both you and your husbands sakes. I think you're probably a great step mom and this boy is lucky to have you as well. But if you can find it in you to let your husband keep seeing him even if he's not his, I think that would be the best in this situation.

Answer 3

First things first let me thank U for being a stand up WOMEN. You have supported this man and have loved this child like his own not knowing what his status is. 4 stars to you. You cant go behind his back because it would be like the other lady is doing or did betraying him. You r better than her and that. Stick by him let him complain but don't feed his fire he will come around. When you do have a chance let him know this can open new doors for you, him and the babies future. It can give you a peaceful future and a new beginning. Remember always and forever DNA can make anyone a father but a dad is the person who has made memories and continues to. This does not have to change after the results and if it does then consider having a kid or adopting. You both have great potential and any kid will be happy to have you and your husband. Good Luck.

Answer 4

1st of all I don't suggest going behind his back and doing it maybe make an appointment with an attorney consultations are free all over and ask the attorney for their opinion. I'm positive the attorney will tell him to get a blood test done, but this way you have a professional person backing your opinion up. I think you should definately push the issue and maybe it is his cuz alot of times hair color, features and eye colors skip generations and it maybe from her side or his. But if both parents don't have the same blood type and than the boy then it's obviously another mans. Good Luck sweetie

Answer 5

A test isn't going to change the fact that he loves this child, but it will give closure to this doubt that haunts the both of you. He needs to take the test! Offer your support, and ask him to put an end to this situation by being tested. I truly believe that you will both be glad he did no matter what the results prove. That child is one lucky child to have the love of a good man. He may not be the father, but he sure is a good Daddy!

Answer 6

Im not sure where you live but I know for a fact that state of California will pay for the DNA test to prove paternity. The best thing to do here is go through it legally. Plus she doesnt have the right to dangle rights and visitation. It needs to be decided legally and then there wont be any drama about it. Best of luck!

Answer 7

This is something you and your husband must agree upon. Its good to know he has love in his heart for the child, he may already know this child is not his and is willing to accept it . At this point, legal advise should be in the mainstream for visitations and the other perks..It will give your husband some levy to work with. I strongly advise talking it over with your husband, and attorney...Sounds like, there's more to this than meets the eye!!! Tread gently, there's a child's best interest at stake...

Answer 8

well they are two ways you can handle this. Push him to get a paternity test and remind him that it does not matter the out come since he loves the child anyways. If he turns out not to be, he can adopt him to make it emotionally bonding. 2: If all his feelings is because of his son's mother. If she is a bad mother he can also file for custody of the child. If she has been lying, she will brake down.

Answer 9

Oh man.
I hope he is not saying no to tests just so he can keep playing with you.
ONe of my good friends guy was doing the same to her. The ex kept trying to use the kid to see him and one day it worked(actually several days)
My brother once told me."guys will always sleep with their ex's if
they have kids together..all my friends do it"
I dont think all do it but..well ..I think the #'s are high.
BUT definitally he owes it to you also to get a test.You are married right?
You are considered ONE and this child may or not be your step-child.IF he keeps saying no, he is sooooo being selfish.That child has the right to know who his biological father is.NO DOUBT.

your husband should face his "fear".
I'm sorry but this sounds kinda fishy..Are you sure he doesnt have other reasons?uh..okay..you asked the question...
wish you luck & peace
God bless.
may things look-up for you.

Answer 10

I truly wish I knew what to tell you. I know that if I was agonizing over something, I'd want to know the truth. If he truly is the father, maybe he could get custody so she can't play games with him, or the child. Especially the child. Good luck in whatever choice you make, and God bless you and yours.