what would you do?

Question

please dont get sarcastic with me because i am really confused. my boyfriend got involved with drugs, i made him choose between the drugs and me and my daughter, so he chose us, we booked him into a rehab and for 2 months he was doing really well, know it is just going down hill, he started the drugs again promising he will stop for us again but still has not, do i carry on keeping faith in him that he will stop and go back to rehab or do i leave him now and walk away. i have taken verbal abuse from him as well it is called physcosis, it is from the cocain it is a medical thing but i am tired of him calling me a tart and having affairs left right and center. i dont feel sorry for myself as i got myself in this mess but my dayghter does not deserve this. what do i do? please dont be sarcastic i really dont need it at the moment.

thank you guys i think i knew it all aloung i just needing people to tell me to stop being stupid and get out. thank you it is going to be hard to choose the best answer because you all helped. thank you again

Answer 1

ok dear one im so with yah my husband is in rehab now ,and the same here cocaine ,but the physcosis is when they are very ,very dangerous my husban got like that when he mixed something along with cocaine ,like pot made him like that he would say Iam going to kill someone today ,so I do understand .my husband had used over a year now ,I only found out 6 months ago ,and he has relasped 3 times they say it takes a while to really get over it .but all seriousness Im worried about you they can hurt you and your child my sister was living with me thru the worst part and she is in the mental health field .so she kind of helped in that area as to what to expect .It is awful we call it the devils candy I have done so much studing on this drug ,you can let him read this maybe it will help my husband used and he saw death and he screamed for God to let him live he told me good bye and he new it was death ,he was in crituial care unit for 2 weeks his heart almost bursted ,the cocaine had posion in it ,and it showed up to be high in his blood .he has had it with glass and baby power and baby laxetive .that stuff is like I said only devils candy ,and the addiction is so strong they say until someone looses all they have or something brings them to rock bottom they will not stop ,now me and my husband is still together I have given him 3 relaspes and if he does again I am filing for divorce .he has only been clean 16 days ,and even tho he almost didnt live he still takes that chance the drug makes them that way .so now he did loose his job because he snorted to much and wrecked company truck.yes bottom !!!!and he is totally aware im gone if he does it again .he was not verbally mean to me but at the time of physcosis he was very dangerous ,his cousin murdered a man because of this very drug .so given that he is abusive to you already he could go to far and also the other women ,now I cant take that ,so I wish you to wait until time is safe and go stay with a family memeber .please I dont feel good about your situation ,get that baby and you out .if he loves you he will get the right help but here is my lession learned they have to do it on there own you are enabling him buy staying with him I have also .but mine is working on it and doing well .but Im always ready .and you will forever be scared by this Im going to have to have conseling over this .and your seems worse .and no fault of yours its a choice yes hard but they can over come it in time but they have to really want it ,you can email me if you wish .God Bless you and get out soon as possible .study about physcosis it controls them and very dangerous my hubby would not even know where he was .ok please leave .I would like to here from you again maybe we can help eachother .my email is [e-mail]

Answer 2

Well for your well being and that of your daughter's I would tell him that it is over between you both. You can't feel guilty with yourself cause you gave him a chance explain to him that you still want to be there for him but the drug's makes him turn into a different person. It is going to hurt cause in the end you are going to wonder if there was anything else that you could have done to help him. In the end though maybe if he realizes that he is going to lose you if he doesn't get help maybe he will want to try rehab again.

Answer 3

You made the right choice............it is you or drugs. He cannot have both. You and your daughter's welfare comes first. I believe that you love him and I even believe that he loves you BUT
you will NEVER be able to compete with drugs. Drugs will ALWAYS be more beautiful, sexy, calmer,nicer etc than you are.

Drugs are very dependable and an easily accessible lover. He will choose them over you day or night.

Sounds like he is an addict. Most of us do not quit drugs our fist time doing rehab. There are groups like NA and AA available. If you really do love him and want to give him another chance, call your local NA office and talk to them there to find a support group for you as long as he is in rehab and making a sincere attempt to recover. If you feel lij=ke giving him a chance.

If not DO NOT feel guilty, you have to save your own life FIRST and you have a daughter to think about too.

Answer 4

This is obviously a very hard decision to make on your end. You should think about you and your daughters future and how he fits in it... can you see him treating her badly in the future...she doesn't need to see her mother being verbally abused and you dont deserve to be verbally abused either. Sometimes you have to make desicions you don't want...but this is coming from a outsider and I think you should leave him and concentrate on you and your daughters future. Besides if he's not even faithful then what are you holding on to? Memorys of how he used to be? It's time to let him live with his decisions and time for you to start a new life.

Answer 5

Your daughter should come before all. No man /woman is worth the way a child is raised and what they witness.
If you feel you are being less of a mother because you are tending to his problems, then he needs to go. What are you teaching your daughter? She needs to learn respect, and how men need and are expected to treat her. She also needs to learn consequences for naughty actions. Your boyfriend is being naughty in every way right now and he needs some consequences to come his way. Life is too short hon to waste on someone who has so little respect for you or the little girl to put you thru this and he is just absorbing more of your time and taking that time away from you to move on with a man who cares and is healthy. Bless you and your daughter, youll be fine

Answer 6

As much as you may love him and feel the need for your daughter to have a male figure in her life, there are times that you must ask yourself at what cost are you willing to give it up. As much as you may love him, I would suggest that you need to let him know that you can not help him overcome his drug addiction unless he is willing to help himself. You also need to think about your daughter. My daughter is 5 years old and I would not want her to think that it is o.k. to be yelled at or called names or accused of something that I did not do. One thing to consider, are you afraid that if you tell him that you are leaving him that he may become physically abusive? Can you get his family to back you up about him stopping the drug use and get him back into rehab? In order to beat the drug addiction, he is going to need the support of all of his family and friends behind him every step of the way. In the meantime, I would suggest maybe contacting a womens shelter and see if they can give you a referral to some free counseling. If and when you decide to leave him, you may need that shoulder to lean on to help you get through this tough time. Above all else, be there for your daughter. You will both need each others love and support as you go throught this time in your life.

Answer 7

Your answer is clear and simple. Get yourself and your daughter out of this situation as fast as possible. You said it, your daughter does not deserve and should not be in this situation with a man who has an addiction to drugs. I don't doubt that you love him, and I truly believe that once you love someone you will continue to love them forever, but that does not mean that all loves are good and healthy for us. This is clearly not a healthy relationship for you. He needs help, and unless he can commit to getting help from rehab, he has no business committing to you or anyone else. You've tried to help him, now he has to help himself. Take care of you and your child. That is and should be your only responsibility.

Answer 8

Give him an ultimatum and tell him that if he does not straighten up his act and get clean ..you are out of there and he will loose you for life, no one has to live with abuse whether it is physical or verbal or emotional.....it is not fair to you or your daughter.....and as far as him cheating on you......well that is a whole other story, can you live with a man that cant be faithful to you.....he called you a tart it might be his guilt of cheating getting the best of him!

Answer 9

You really have to move away, for your sake or your daughter's sake.

In fact, I feel you have done the best for your relationship and for him, trying to salvage by asking him to go for rehab and withstanding the verbal abuses. But life has to go on and there's a long way for your kid.

Think again!

Answer 10

You need to make your daughter the priority and get this drug addict out of your and her life. For God's sake, it isn't even her father. You cannot make him better. You can only raise your daughter in a safe, loving environment AWAY from this guy. Do it tonight or at least the first thing in the morning.