Dealing with Girlfriend's Extremely Controlling Mother?

Question

I have been seeing this girl for a little over 4 months now. Everything is great between us and we couldn't be happier together, but there is one problem... her mother is controlling beyond the level that anyone would consider normal.

Now, she's the only child and daughter in a family, so it makes sense that they might have a few rules, its normal for teenagers to have boundries, but the girl is 20, almost 21 and she still has to call her mom to check in when we get somewhere. Her mother recently flipped out on her because she told her mom that she was going to my grandmother's with me for dinner... her mother expected her to ask instead!

Its getting to the point where this lady almost seems to be trying to tear us apart. I'm not some drop-out kid either, i'm graduating college soon, i have a job lined up, all the stuff that most parents would want, but for some reason this lady hates me.

I can't come up with any more ideas to make her relax her rules. Any suggestions?

Her parents are together, but her father is much more relaxed about us. He is not controlling at all, but he also doesn't want to stand up to his wife, despite admitting to my GF that the mother does need to let go.

I've told my GF about all this and said that she needs to stand up to her mother. She realizes it too and completely agrees, but whenever they argue her mother uses some twisted sense of logic combined with the thought that the loudest person is right. She recently said that we couldn't go up north from their shore house(i'd be dropping her off at their main house with her dad) because around holidays the roads are full of bad drivers so it wasn't safe. The world doesn't fall apart because it's the friday before labor day...

It's hard to argue with someone who doesn't listen to reason.

Answer 1

Dump that B*tch


24/Los Angeles
"premarital sex creates broken families, broken families creates broken society - a vicious cycle only you can stop."

Answer 2

The mother has some other kind of agenda. It might be that she doesn't want to be alone, and she probably sees you as taking away her "baby." She probably has issues that may not have to do with you being a good provider...maybe she realizes that if she lets her daughter grow up, she has to confront the fact that her life is "over" considering she was a mother for 21 years. You don't mention the father at all...Where is he in this?
I would try to keep my job within a couple of hours of her mother...close, but not too close...There's something going on that is interfering so you are going to have to look for a reason why she is acting this way.

Answer 3

I once went out with a girl who had contempt for me because I wasn't strong with her controlling mother. I think that you need to first tell the girl to stand up to her mother, but that probably won't do much good.

Depending upon the circumstances, you might want to get into the mother's face yourself, if the opportunity presents itself. I say this because of the experience I just mentioned.

The lady above did make a point though, about the girl getting her own place. That would really be advisable, and all of this could be a sign that it's time to move.

Answer 4

I completely believe you, her mom is a the thank you to controlling. you're the two adults and you will additionally make your guy or woman judgements. you're patently in a tricky concern. You and your female buddy may well be close, yet don't be round her mom. pass someplace else the place she isn't around. truthfully there is no longer lots you're able to do, i think of you will purely could wait till you have won her have confidence, she would not choose her daughter to make the comparable errors. each and every thing will paintings out for the superb in time. Goodluck =]

Answer 5

She is losing her baby to you. She won't relax her rules. Talk to your girlfriend and tell her how you are feeling about this. She needs to stick up for herself and be the adult-to just do what ever she wants. It's her life. And I suspect they will accuse you of her defiant behavior I'm sure. She needs to set the record straight. That she is an adult and she doesn't need to ask anymore where she can/can't go. If your girlfriend can not do this and you're getting fed up, you may need to move on because it'll never change. Good luck!

Answer 6

Try to analyse the situation here.
Your g/f's mother has been taking care of her for the past 20 years, making all the decisions for her. Naturally she would consider any one who's going out with her daughter, to be competing against her for her daughter's attention. Hence her "dislike" of you.
The only way to gain her trust, is for you to show that you love her daughter, as well. Since your g/f is used to consulting her, she should continue to do so, as long as she's still staying with her parents. Your behaviour with your g/f must show that you are reliable and can be trusted, ie. you keep to your words. if you tell her you will bring her back by 12 mn. then by all means make sure that she arrives home by then.
Once you understand her motives, you will be more accomodating to her wishes, which can't be detrimental for your g/f. Your lifes will be more pleasant then. Remember, it takes two to clap!

Answer 7

This is how it works: If you live under my roof, you do what I say. If you want to do things your way, get your own place and do them. Sorry, that's just the way it is. Maybe your girlfriend should think of getting a place of her own if she doesn't like her mom's rules and regulations.

Answer 8

say good bye to her and mom