I've held a grudge since I was twelve years old, how do I let it go?

Question

I was adopted, and the woman who raised me is also my aunt, my biological father's sister. She used to beat me on the head with a broom stick, while calling me all sorts of names and her friends used to come over and laugh @ me, and they would tell her to send this piece of $hit home to his mother.I'm in my thirties now,and those memories haunt me till this day.Sometimes I want sweet revenge, sometimes I just go on with the hand I was dealt.She used to tell me that I would never amount to anything and often in my life these words resonate in my head. I was such a happy boy, I loved building things, I had a creative mind, she used to quote this verse in the bible "Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and deliver his soul from hell."(Proverbs 23:13-14)and beat me she did, blood used to run down my legs, sometimes I couldn't take a shower,I still see the marks on my back on my legs when I look for them. I used to ditch school so kids wouldn't make fun of me. I tried to kill her when I was 9

Answer 1

Did you get this out of a book?

Answer 2

I can understand your hatred, and hatred is what you have described.

For your own peace of mind you have to let go of this. I don't think you can ever forget it. Are you religious? Ask your minister to help you. You may also want to look into psychiatry or hypnotherapy as a possible avenue. You may not be able to do this on your own.

But however you do it, you have to move on with your life. You understand what happened. You know your value as a person. That is what you will have to build on.

This is not an easy undertaking, but you understand the need to do it and that is almost half the battle.

Answer 3

I'm so sorry that happened to you. There is a book that might help, it's called You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. It has exercises for self esteem and also for forgiveness, not for the other person but for your own happiness and so that you can move on. The author was abused growing up so she knows what she is talking about. Also therapy would really help you, I know it might be hard at first but you deserve to have a good life and this wasn't your fault. Best wishes.

Answer 4

roy, i understand where you are coming from maybe if i share a little you will understand why is say this, forgive and let go. my mom used to beat the hell out of me and i am almost 40. i still see the marks on my legs where the cords cut straight through my cordoroy pants, the broken nose still there and i was or this was up to 14. the many times she would wake me out of a sleep which i couldnt get to cause i knew she would find something i didnt do and beat me. the many times i had to act as mother to my may brothers and sisters get them ready for school and clean the house which ok i am a child but i need to have a child life. the skin she broke through using whatever she could afford to find just for no reason i would rush in the pool at school so the kids couldnt see my marks or scars that are as i said still here. but in reality in order to receive my blessing and in order to get healing within my self i had to release that and let what ever was gonna happen happen, cause also in the bible it says that the lord says that vengeance is mine says the lord, and touch not mine anointed and do my prophets no harm. your aunt nor my mother has no idea who his elect are and we would just be waisting our time hating hurting grudging holding any against them. why? they arent thinking on us. when i spoke to my mom about it she replied," you arent dead, God said spare the rod spoil the child , and i didnt know how to raise a child i thought that and me and my cousin said that whenever they cry or do something beat em" so for your sake learn how to forgive her and leave it alone she has her reward

Answer 5

I can understand why you are carrying a grudge and I know how difficult it is to forget things like that, but carrying a grudge is bad for your health; it does no harm to the person you have the grudge against. Try to think of this saying now and then: Acid hurts the pot it is brewing in more than what it spills over on.

Answer 6

I can share with you some advice that I hope will help you expel your negative emotions.

It is normal for us to have feelings of anger when people do us wrong, but the truth is that life brings many things our way, and it is up to us how we deal with it.

There is a man by the name of Roman Abramovich. I read about him once that when he was 18 months old, his mother passed away, and his father died when he was 4. He then grew up living with different uncles. As a boy living in Russia, I am sure that he dealt with relatively difficult and, perhaps, extreme conditions. Nonetheless, Roman Abramovich today is one of the richest billionaires in the world. He found strength in his struggles and used it to build a great fortune.

We have to take the negative that comes our way and make it positive, and help ourselves become happier, healthier people. We shouldn't let anyone try to bring us down. We must refuse to let anyone get the best of us. For your aunt to do what she did, she must have had many problems of her own. A lack of compassion is something she had, apparently.

Another suggestion I have is to help young boys and girls who are orphaned have more pleasant childhoods, maybe by visiting with them or by helping them fulfill their dreams. This will give you a great deal of satisfaction and will be a positive memory for the child as well.

You say you have a creative mind, Roy, and that's a great thing. Use that to your advantage. Believe in yourself and strive to become the best that you can be. Take care of yourself and good luck to you.

Answer 7

I presume you don't have anything to do with her any more. I hope not. She was a crazy lady. Crazies should not be in charge of children but sometimes they are. Holding a grudge hurts you more than anyone else but memories do not leave us. Pray for God's help to cope with those bad memories because otherwise they will eat you up.

Answer 8

that is so horibly sad how awful for u , try writing a book about it and send it to her , she sounds like a very hateful person , wonder what made her that way , wonder if she were abused,maybe that's where it all stemed from , what does she do today, is she still living ,if so now that u r grown confront her about it through a letter , ask her is she going to die one day without ever saying she is sorry,pray for her soul,she is a sick sick woman, don't let it destroy u,u go as far as u can in life , and make it good,god bless your heart

Answer 9

In the bible it also says not to hold a grudge, although what she did to you was awful. The bible also says many things of kindness and teachings of wrong doings...that verse was not meant for you.

What kind of friends just laugh when that happens? I would have told my parents and contacted authorities!

Answer 10

The best revenge you can get is to be true to yourself and not live up to what they labeled you. You are just benefiting her and hurting yourself by holding the grudge. Leave your childhood as that, you are an adult now. I applaud you for making the initiation to release the grudge. Now go for it!

Answer 11

You should have never gone through any of this,what you have to remember is there has to be something wrong with this woman and her friends,As bad as it hurts you have to just let it go and be thankful you made it through it all,

Quotes, What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
It is better to forgive and to forget than to remember and hate.