I just returned from the wake of a cousin. I've attended many wakes and memorials over the wakes. The question is: since there usually are several of the deceased's family members in the receiving line, what is an appropriate sympathetic thing to say? After saying, over and over, "you have my sympathies" or "I'm very sorry for your loss" it all seems to become trite and meaningless. It's not that I don't mean it, it just feels inadequate. Any ideas? Thanks
2006-09-18 17:07:59 · 10 answers · asked by Apex 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I try to think of some trait that the person had which I will really miss -- maybe their sense of humor or a very caring nature.
I tell the family member something like, "I'm sorry for your loss. I'm really going to miss Cousin Tim's sense of humor and the way that he always cheered me up when I was down."
That just feels a little more personal and warm than the usual condolences speeches.
2006-09-18 17:12:31 · answer #1 · answered by Wolfeblayde 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that way. I do not think it is trite or overused, it is a comfort to know other people care enough to dress up and come to a wake, either to express their sympathy for the deceased, or to lend support to the living.
Expand your comments a little, like "Jim was a good man, he will e missed." or "I worked with JIm for 10 years, I never saw a time when he wasn't smiling." If you are religious, or you know they are, comment in that direction:" I will pray for JIm and the family"
A wake allows more time then standing in line at the visitation, you get the opportunity to say more than I'm sorry. You may find yourself explaining what you were to the deceased to out of town relatives and friends. "JIm sat in the next cubicle for 10 years, he always took lunch in there so he could call Joan and see if she and the kids needed anything,and were alright. I always admired that devotion."
Just do one thing next time before you go to a wake, take a moment to analize what that person, or those left behind meant/mean to you. And comment accordingly.Shake a hand, touch a shoulder, look the mourner directly in the eye to convey your sympathy.
2006-09-19 00:32:24 · answer #2 · answered by riversconfluence 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard knowing what to say at a funeral/wake but my thoughts are that if your relationship with the person you are speaking to does not prompt you already to say something, than a simple "I'm sorry for your loss" is fine. I am sure you said something more personal with those family members you're closer to, or spent times together along with your cousin. You should not try to force it. People who are recieving your condolences are overwhelmed, too, and it really all becomes a blur after a while. They may not remember exactly what you said, only that you were there.
2006-09-19 00:12:47 · answer #3 · answered by dcgirl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I always say something like, "If you need or want to talk, I'm here for you." Then, if they do, BE THERE, heart and soul.
And for God's sake, please don't ever say,"He/she's in a better place",(which they may well be), but it sounds idiotic and heartless when the grieving person obviously believes that the best place would be right there with them.
If you can't think of anything but trite BS to say, just give their hand an extra squeeze and say nothing.
2006-09-19 00:16:11 · answer #4 · answered by stargazer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be very kind if you could share a pleasant memory you had of your cousin. That would always be welcome at a wake or memorial.
I lost an aunt I did not know real well but when we were together she always had a way of making me feel welcome and comfortable around her. I expressed these feelings to my uncle and they were honest feelings. I think the memories are what help family's through difficult times like these, not just the sympathy.
2006-09-19 00:20:26 · answer #5 · answered by JAN 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my son is dying from brainstem cancer and no matter what you say its not going to change anything . just let the family know that you truly care and you are there for them should they need you . also , talk about the person who has died , about happy memories , things like that . the family will like hearing your stories, atleast i would
2006-09-19 00:14:22 · answer #6 · answered by sindi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"I'm sorry" give them a hug, kiss or a handshake. Just for being there is the best respectful thing you can do.
2006-09-19 00:48:47 · answer #7 · answered by piglet564 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't say anything, just say hello/hi. They know you are there to show support and sympathy even if you don't say it.
2006-09-19 12:07:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
there really are no words to express to someone over the death of a love one i usually ask if you need me to do anything just ask i'll help anyway i can ;you have my prayers
2006-09-19 00:14:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why can't you just give them a hug instead of saying anything?
2006-09-19 00:10:55 · answer #10 · answered by vik 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋