I have started to live with my bf abt 2 yrs ago. We r 3 yrs together. I previously moved out before i got to know him.
I have been wondering as these days people around me are getting married and their gf dont live together with them.
Does this sentence "Why buy a cow when u have a milk free?" applies to men?
My bf is 35 and im 22. He is currently having problems with the business as the business is left down by his sick mother, and there are disputes over assets. Things are not that stable.
But honestly im not v happy and feel short changed for doing a role as a wife, doing the housework etc.. when im just a gf!
He doesnt get along with my family as there were misunderstanding ago and i personally feel he doesnt respect my mum or make an effort to be closer to my family. I admit im nt in best of terms with my own family. But nevertheless, his mother is not the best either and yet i have been treating her like my own.
I am wondering if he is even going to marry me!
2006-09-18 16:47:06 · 27 answers · asked by Joan20 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Moo! You're the free milk.
After two years, he is NOT going to marry you.
Dump him and find someone more romantic and stable. Please.
2006-09-18 16:55:07 · answer #1 · answered by urbancoyote 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that living together may make it easier for you to know a person, however, it also makes men comfortable. They get all the benefits of having a wife in the home, but without actually having a wife. When people are comfortable, they do not like to change the current situation because it works for them. Soon you start to feel like everything you are doing is for nothing or like you are doing too much that is taken for granted because at the end of the day--you are still just a girlfriend but you have been endlessly feeling the shoes of another job description--WIFE. I have heard that saying, "Why buy the cow...." However, I do not think all milk is the same...Some brands just do not compare to others. Also, milk that sits on the shelf too long expires and becomes spoiled goods. I'm being silly, anyhow, also if y'all are having all these problems or issues before marriage--it probably is not the best time to say I Do...especially if you do not think you can continue to deal with these hassles if they continue throughout the marriage and drive you crazy. You will be one of those couples divorcing after two-five years. So you better make sure you are strong enough and able to deal with All the things that you hate or don't like about him and continue loving him for the rest of your lives.
2006-09-19 00:18:57 · answer #2 · answered by Christa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not like I'm any expert, but the biggest issue with living together before you get married is that people aren't willing to make the same sacrifices when they're just living together. Marriage means more obligations, you can't just split up and call it quits. People will work their marriages out (and that's how they learn, and grow, and start families, all that good stuff), and will try really hard to do so. People who are living together (in general, I'm not saying that everyone living together is like this) don't have the same level of obligation and commitment to each other as those with legal vows. There's less security, more risks.
To answer your question directly, it doesn't mean that you're not getting married. Some people see living together as a vessel for testing out marriages and seeing if they can really stand living with someone else, but it's obviously not the same thing. If you really don't feel right about living with him and doing the housework, ask yourself...would you want to get married and be obligated to do the housework for someone you're not even sure loves you enough to ask you to marry him? He should see that you treat him and his family like your own already. If he's not ready for a commitment (even though he's definitely at the age to be thinking about it...), you might be better off finding someone who appreciates what you do, and someone who you'd be happy to do wife stuff for even though you're not married. Hope that helps!
2006-09-18 23:53:49 · answer #3 · answered by Dumblydore 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marriage can't succeed unless there is good communication. If you don't feel comfortable enough to come straight out and ask this man about marriage, then you shouldn't even be thinking of marrying him anyway. If you are truly in love with each other, you should be able to discuss stuff like this.
Your bf is 35. He grew up in a time when many people regarded marriage as just a piece of paper, unless you are religious. Many of that generation didn't get married until they were expecting their first child, sometimes years after they first met. I notice that younger people are swinging back to a more traditional view and regard marriage as important again. So it may just be your different upbringing. Then again, he may think you are too young to make that commitment yet.
Bottom line is, if you want to know, ask him. If you can't ask him, then there's something wrong with your relationship.
2006-09-19 00:02:21 · answer #4 · answered by Kylie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don´t marry him. I think it is better for you because I see you are having some problems. Maybe it is better like this because so you don´t get involved too much in everything and whenever you feel that you can´t stand it anymore you just leave and you are free without any compromises. Anyway, the lawers are always the winners and charge a lot. A "married paper" is not a guarranty at all and won´t resolve anything. But listen: I don´t wanna say that he is not good for you. Maybe he is the one for you and everything will just be fine with the time. See what happen and decide.
2006-09-18 23:54:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give him an ultimatum. I agree, he should not be so selfish towards you.
Here you are, doing all the housework, caring and supporting him like a wife for three freaking years but there's no commitment from his side. It's right that your alarm bells are ringing. Chances are, he is just using you for the company and has no intention of getting married.
Men who are 35 and single usually means that they have issues (sorry, not being ageist here but it's often the case that they are commitment-phobic), either with themselves, with marriage, with their family. Whatever it is, are you sure you want to go through all this **** with him? At the cost of your own youth and life?
This sounds tough but I think if he fails the ultimatum, you should really leave him. Don't, no, NEVER shortchange yourself. He's not going to call you when you are 50 years old (in future) to apologise for wasting your time now. You get what I mean?
Leave this sorry piece of crap. You are so young. There are better men out there who will want to be with you and give you the security and commitment that you deserve.
2006-09-18 23:52:31 · answer #6 · answered by syrope 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hmm ... I wouldn't be worried about getting married to someone when you see him as disrespectful to your family. And by the sounds of things, maybe he is in turn being disrespectful to you. Its hard to open your eyes and take off the rose glasses when you truly love someone. Take a good look at this relationship. You are YOUNG. Just remember everytime you see young people around you getting married that the divorce rate is higher than ever before because people are getting married for the wrong reasons. I wouldn't be jumping into a lifetime of vows if I didn't feel 100% about my man.
2006-09-18 23:53:05 · answer #7 · answered by Crystabella_BC 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are being short changed. Sure, it could end in marriage, but your chances are better if you're not already pretending like you are.
If you've been together 3 years, put your foot down. Tell him you either need to get married or you're moving out. You're giving him too much. He has absolutely no reason to marry you at this point.
2006-09-18 23:52:29 · answer #8 · answered by all1g8r 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Listen your being short changed.I have been with my boyfreind for 5 years we broke up once too.I lived with him for about a year and I was very unhappy.Whether he will ever propose doesnt matter what matters is that your not happy.You are doing the work of a wife and not receiving the respect of a wife.Make plans to move out.If you love him dont dump him.simply move out .Keep dating while you think of what you want.
2006-09-19 00:01:48 · answer #9 · answered by butterflyspy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1st off it depends on the man, each man is different. 2nd off , you need to discuss that with him. he must know how you feel, if he doesnt know you want to marry him, then im not sure what your doing this whole time asking this question. talk to him! if he doesnt want to marry you, well that doesnt make him a bad person, he just doesnt feel a piece of paper is priority, maybe he thinks love is enough. or maybe its something else. age has nothing to do with it. its what you want. if u want to marry him and he doesnt, then find someone else, if u dont care as long as your together then that is what life is about
2006-09-18 23:53:45 · answer #10 · answered by mel 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all if your boyfriend does not respect your family he will never respect you. Secondly, if he did love you he would do the right thing and marry you instead of living immoral. Why would you want a man who has already placed you in "the wife roll" but doesnt feel he should committ himself and marry you. I dont get it.
2006-09-18 23:51:40 · answer #11 · answered by willk_500 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋