Seeking mature answers only please...my son is 14 and he is an only child and until he was 13, I have been?

Question

a single mother. Our nightly ritual since he was a baby was to "tuck" him in at night. When he was a baby, it was to read to him, sing songs, etc. Now, it's basically straightening his covers, a kiss, and hug and say good night and I love you. My fiancee thinks that it is rather punkish for a boy to ask me every night to "tuck him in". Is it? For the record, he's very athletic, is involved in all types of sports and constantly talks about "hot" girls, so please don't go there. Your honest, MATURE opinions please.
Thanks in advance.

Answer 1

I think it shows how close the two of you are and how much you mean to him. It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with your son, if only more parents could be as caring and as close to their children as you are! God Bless You!!

Answer 2

First of all, every family is different. At 14 years old, being "tucked in" by your parent.....your ONLY parent, no less, doesn't seem "punkish" to me. How would that be punkish? You obviously have a strong bond with your son and there is nothing wrong with that. I think it's a good thing. For all his life, this is how he goes to sleep at night: with love from his mother. I wish I grew up like that. It sounds like it has been a progressive type of thing as you no longer sing or read to him anymore.....that would be a little childish at 14. But, there is nothing wrong with a hug/kiss/I love you, goodnight. It's good for you and your son. It's what you have done all your life. It's normal for your family. Changing that just because someone else doesn't understand it would not make sense. Like I said, every family is different. And your fiance must have grown up in a family that didn't do that type of thing. He doesn't need to understand it-only you and your son do. Don't worry about what he thinks. In fact, I don't think it is his place to even have an opinion about the whole thing. Maybe he's jealous? If so, there's something wrong with THAT. That is the only problem I see here.

Answer 3

I have a 17 year old son and so when I answer its because of what I have experienced with my own son. When a boy is 13-14 years old they are going through a great deal of changes. They are too old to do some of the things they use but still enjoy and too young to do things that they want to do. Their bodies are going through a tremendous amount of change as they hit puberty. The "tucking in" at age 14 isn't really odd becuase he could be trying to hold onto something that brought him security and loved feeling from the time he was an infant. It gives him a good and warm feeling most likely. He is faced with losing so many of things from childhood as he embarks on being a young man that it probably is the last vestige for him to hold onto and still get that feeling of safety and security from his mom. I am sure he will out grow it in time. In the meantime, if it bothers you, try to wean from it slowly. Otherwise keep doing it until he decides that he doesn't need it anymore. There is nothing wrong with it. My son, at age 17 still has a blanket he has had since he was 5. He doesn't carry it around or anything. He just has it on his bed. Being a teen is hard enough, why take away the one thing that gives them a sense of balance?

Answer 4

I don't see anything wrong with it. He loves his mom and it gives him a sense of comfort and love to know that mom will tuck him in at night. My youngest son is 8 and I have a feeling that he'll be the same way. He gets upset if I don't tuck him in. My oldest on the other hand is a bit more independent in that aspect and could care less. He gets ready, gives me a hug, says good night and goes to bed.

He doesn't sound like a "mama's boy" to me. He seems like he's pretty independent, he just doesn't want to let go of his bed time ritual yet. Some kids sleep with a special blanket or stuffed toy all through school, no one seems to complain about that. I say enjoy the time you have, because soon he'll decide that he doesn't need mom to tuck him in anymore. Read the book Love You Forever by Robert Munsch. You won't feel so alone or that your son is "punkish". Good luck!! =)

Answer 5

There is absolutely NOTHING punkish about your nightly ritual and it's great that your son isn't ashamed to show and tell you that he loves you. I believe that when he grows up that he will make some woman very happy because he wont be afraid to show her how he feels about her like so many of the so called men today. I have 2 sons ages 13 and 8 and both of them still give me hugs and kisses, and when we're out they sometimes hold my hand, they both open the door for me and have no problem telling me that they love me. I believe that the way a man treats his mother is a reflection on how he'll treat his mate and it seems to me that your son will treat his wife or girlfriend no differently than he treats you. Keep up the good work!

Answer 6

I understand what you are questioning because I have just posted a question that is similar. My 8 year old always wants hugs and kisses and i love yous. I think that if we are lucky enough to have boys that still want their moms love and attention at the teenage years, we should take full advantage. I think that I would be more worried about him not wanting anything to do with me. If your finacee thinks its weird, maybe you need to sit down and talk to him about your mother son bond. I also was single until my son was 5, and we have a strong bond of being together, like a team, and sometimes my husband doesnt seem to get it, but it will forever be in our memories of us alone and working the way only a mother and son can. So, please, dont stop tucking him in until he insists that you stop (even then, I would keep trying!) Good luck, and congrats on raising a son who seems to love and respect women, especially the most important, his mom!

Answer 7

Tell your fiance to allow your son to have his nightly ritual if it stills makes you both happy. Too short are the times our children are young, innocent and loving. He will eventually get to a point where he will start pulling back from some of it. And eventually move on to be a loving man and husband. The male machismo is not a healthy way of thinking. Too many men have squelched there loving feelings because they felt it was sissy. Maybe that's why so many are quick to hit, they don't know how to deal with other emotions because they have stifled them for so long.
I have an 11 year old who still wants to snuggle with me before bed. He too is very athletic and good looking. He is not yet interested in girls too much, but does care what they think. I know he will eventually grow out of this, but for now, what is it hurting? It is comfort, and love, and you can't go wrong giving that to a child.

Answer 8

There are a few musts u should know:
1. Your child already had no role model, normally for boys the father is always the role model.
2. Though, u as a mother may have given him the best of care and affection u could but u have your life to (ie other men) which adds to the insecurity and uncertainty into the child's life.
3. He is no more a child and understands and feels insecure due to the presence of the other person (ie your fiancee).

The child needs care and lots if too, remember it not so easy to be a single mother and equally stressing for the child of a single mother. Make sure ur attention is divided to both these men in ur life.

Answer 9

This is not "punkish" or bad. It's not even weird. It is a natural extension of something you have been doing his whole life. It is a good way for you two to have a minute each day (you know - a minute with no disagreements or school stress or any other pressure), and that is very good for both of you. And, since it sounds like you've only been with your fiancee for a year or two, it is probably reassuring to your son that you still have that bit of time for him each night, so he knows that you still love him while you are in love with your fiancee. It can be very hard for a teenage boy to find that kind of reassurance, and even harder for him to ask for it, so it's great that you guys already have this happening.
For what it's worth, my mom tucked in my brother and me in just this way until we were teenagers; I think he still welcomed it until he was 16 or so. She stopped with me when I was staying up later than her every night (not staying out, but staying up in my room, reading or doing homework or listening to music or whatever) and didn't want to be tucked in. And although I work nights now, my own 14 year old son (who is home with his dad) calls me to say goodnight before he goes to bed.
I agree with other answers: enjoy this while you can!

Answer 10

As a guy myself I think I would have stopped asking my mom of that around that age. But I'm sure it depends on the relationship and the two involved. As long as you're both comfortable with it I don't see where it is a problem. In fact I'm sure its a good thing considering that it has just been the two of you and you remain so close. However, I'd suggest that you ask yourself if its for him or for you.
I have an aunt and cousin in the same (were in the same) situation you described. He's 24 now but to be honest I think she still babies him too much. He was married with a child but it drove his wife crazy and she left him about a year ago.
Again I would say that it may not be a problem yet but I would think that he would be close to letting some of those traditions go. So just be prepared when he asks for some space and don't take it as an insult or a breakdown in your relationship.

Answer 11

Sounds like your fiance has the problem, it's called jealousy. YOur son is your son and someday he want want you to even kiss him in front of anyone. (Let alone tuck him in) There is nothing wrong with it and you better take along look at your fiance. I have 9 grandchildren and have always tucked them in, suppose thats the last time you saw them alive would you have regrets from not doing it? My 17 yr.old grandson is 6' 2'' and he will say Mamaw don't tuck me in I'm too old. I tell him I probably will tuck your wife in someday day too, he laughs and says I know I would miss it if you didn't. Your all I've ever had.My 16 yr. old says gollee you got to quit doing that I'm not a baby, and I tell him you were up untill a couple of yrs. ago. One night I didn't tuck him in and the next morn. he said are you mad at me I said why? He said you didn't kiss me good night last night, I said I thought you didn't want me too, he said as long as none of my friends are around. So enjoy while you can were not sure of tomorrow and it's things they will always remember.My two oldest are big football players and have lots of girlfriends so don;t worry about that.