Engagement Advice?

Question

Dear Ladies,

I just want to understand if a couple was going to get married. Who usually pays for what? The problem I had was that my ex expected me to pay for everything. I come from a culture where both my parents pay equal shares, but most Singaporean gals expect the guy to pay all. Could you married women give me your 2 cents worths?

Answer 1

Hi, I am married and I come from a culture where whoever has money pay for it ;)

Well, before I got married, I always told my boyfriend (now husband) that my money is my money and that his money is also my money.

And that is true in many aspects because if I wanted him to pay for everything, it would mean that instead of the money coming out of my right pocket, it comes out from my left pocket.. so if he paid for the house, then the furniture would no doubt come from me..

If I wanted him to buy me a 1 carat diamond, that would also mean no more small pressies for the next few months...

I mean, unless you married like a millionaire, it is likely you need to pull ALL RESOURCES on both sides to get married... especially if you want to make it a grand affair...

I saved $20K within 3 years of working and spent it all during my wedding ;)

But money can indeed be a sensitive issue so the two of you have to REALLY discuss it through before marriage.. it does take some time to see it as OUR MONEY when all along it was MY MONEY.

What me and hubby did was we agreed upfront tat a married couple is a team and each team member would do whatever it takes to keep the team in a tip top condition and help the team enjoy a higher quality of life.. I teach that now also to my 14 month old son by getting him to help out to clean up ;)

Good luck!

PS: If I were you, I would email me and ask for advice and then forward the reply to my future wife to let her read third party voice.. hehehe.. my mailbox is open if you need help: [e-mail]

Answer 2

in the USA traditionally the brides parents pay for the reception and everything else. the grooms parents pay for the rehearsal dinner. the groom pays for the brides bouquet, all the church expenses, the marriage license, his tux, the gifts for his ushers and best man, the honeymoon, and the brides wedding ring. the bride pays for her maid of Honor and bridesmaids gifts, the grooms wedding band.now a days with wedding being so expensive unless, the parents have a ton of money i feel the bride and groom should foot the expenses themselves especially if they want a huge wedding. the bridesmaids pay for their own outfits, same goes ro the ushers. the bride and her immediate family should never pay for or host a bridal shower. this should be done be either the bridesmaids or other relatives of the bride. the groomsmen should plan and pay for the bachelor party. when my daughter gets married i already told her that i am not going to pay for a big wedding. i am paying for college adnd that is enough and much more important that a big bash..

Answer 3

Given how expensive weddings are these days, I would say it depends on if this is a first wedding, if the parents are able and if the couple can contribute their share too.

If this is a second marriage, I'd say you and your honey pay and get help from parents only if they want to help out financially. If it is a first, have a meeting with everyone to say you'd like their imput financially (that is if you want that).

I think it is unrealistic for one person to pay for the whole thing these days. Some traditions were meant to be broken when they not longer are common sense.

BTW, any guy that expected me to pay for the whole thing...well, he'd be history!! Lol

Answer 4

When my husband and I got married we paid for the whole enchilada ourselves - just pooled our money and paid for it, ring and all.

We were both working and over 30, so that had a lot to do with it. It was a first marriage for both - but that part never entered into the equation. It didn't make any sense to have parents pay for it - we had both been self-supporting for some time and it really didn't make any sense to have one side pay more than the other - we were a team and it was OUR wedding, OUR marriage.

The best part was that we got to do it all exactly our way and didn't have to take anyone's suggestions of what we "should" do with our special event - and we had the time of our lives - great fun, great people.

Answer 5

I'm engaged, not yet married. My fiance and I have discussed & agreed to pay for everything ourselves. Traditionally, in Asian culture, the groom and/or his parents are the one who pay for the entire wedding. However, I would think this tradition is hard to keep, unless your family is rich. Thus, you probably need to talk to your future wife and let her know your financial situation. She needs to understand that you need her help in paying for the wedding. If you two truly loves each other, money should not be the only thing keeping you two from getting married.

Answer 6

In the USA traditionally the woman's parents pay for the wedding and the reception. The Groom's parents pay for the alcohol at the reception and the honeymoon.


Of course many couples choose to pay for the wedding themselves especially as many couples are getting married later in life now a days.

Answer 7

I'm Mexican and in my culture the bride pays for everything except the dress, the honeymoon, the rings, and the religious ceremony, however we compromised and my parents in law paid for some things and my mom and dad for others.
I think anyone can find a middle ground by talking it out.

Answer 8

I have been in a marriage for nine years where everything has been split down the middle. I do earn considerably more than my husband, and am employed outside the home for far more hours (55 + vs 25). However he has picked up much more of the housekeeping and childcare chores than most men do. Basically I think it is about doing what is best for your individual situation. And we paid for our own wedding, yes.

Answer 9

My husband and I paid for everything, even though it was a small wedding, it was beautiful, my mother-in-law paid for the wedding cake. But Traditionally the parents of the bride pays for everything.

Answer 10

I'm not married, but am getting marred-
my mom and stepdad are basically paying for everything. My fiance's parents don't have much money, so we didn't expect them to pay for much, if anything.

It just depends on has the money and who is willing to pay. If you mean he expects your PARENTS to pay, that would be up to them. If you're saying he expects YOU to pay- That's the rudest thing I've ever heard.