In the last two years my husband has had a really bad temper. He has cursed at me, thrown and hit things in anger, he yells at me....living in this makes me feel bad and not close to him, and I have pondered the thought on being with him or not. Often I feel like something is wrong inside, I claim its with my husband or I think it is so I ask him "Do you feel distant from me?", "Do you feel like we have an emotional connection?" "Do you love me?" He gets really frustrated and angry at me when I ask these questions because its ALL the time, and I ask him even when he is on his best behavior and we are ok. I cannot figure out where the questions are comming from and if they are really meant for him and about him, or if they are actually for me? WHY do I keep asking these questions, are they meant for me from God? Their has to be a deeper reason I keep asking these questions, please help.
2006-09-18 13:57:56 · 19 answers · asked by ilih2006 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Hon, the questions have nothing to do with God. You self esteem is damaged so much so that you cannot believe for longer than a minute that your husband loves you.
He reinforces your low self-esteem by be verbally abusive. His abusive temper is further damaging your self esteem. You do not want to live like that.
Your husband is supposed to love and cherish you like Christ loved the church and if he is not doing that, he has abandoned the marriage and that is grounds for divorce in the eyes of the church.
You need counseling, you cannot do this on your own. Call a hot line and get advice on what to do. If you continue asking for his reassurance all the time, he will only pull farther away - that is human nature.
Your questions are a cry for reassurance, but you are so dis-functional at this point, the reassurance does not work.....like a fix for an addict, you need more and more.
Please please get some help before you suffer permanent damage or your husband ends up hurting you.
2006-09-18 14:06:16 · answer #1 · answered by chris 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This definitely isn't something you should ignore, and you're right to try to fix things with your husband. I'd suggest doing everything you can to make things better before you consider separation or divorce.
It must be frustrating that he doesn't want to answer your questions when all you're trying to do is help. But maybe you could begin differently, so he doesn't feel like the conversation is all on him.
Start by telling him how much you love him, and that you want to be even closer to him, but you need his help to do so. Give him some specific examples of how he has hurt you, and how it makes you feel. He will be able to help both of you better if he understands exactly what you aren't getting, and what you want. Once you've spoken for a while, give him a chance to respond to what you've said or to make some observations of his own. Make sure you're both getting to say what you want to say without being interrupted or insulted. It's important to keep the conversation calm and respectful. Any time one of you starts getting angry or upset, it's a good idea to take a break or to backtrack. Nothing can be accomplished when either of you is vulnerable to extreme emotions like this.
If conversation doesn't seem to help, you could consider seeing a counselor either together or separately. Sometimes it takes an outsider to see what's truly going on, on the inside.
It's good that you want to bring God into this, and it's important that you continue to do so. If you let Him, I'm convinced He will be able to help you, and keep you strong. Let Him guide you and let you know what to do, and remember that no matter how things end up, He will continue to be there for both of you.
Don't let this overwhelm you. There are plenty of people who go through rough patches in relationships; you're certainly not alone. So long as the two of you are committed, you'll definitely be able to work through your issues.
2006-09-18 21:15:03 · answer #2 · answered by corny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl....... LEAVE HIM! I'm sorry but if he treats you like that I would not put up with it.The first mistake you made was marrying him to begin with, they even tell you at church "do NOT marry unequally yoked" which means if your a christian and he's not don't do it! Especially if he's yelling and cursing at you and throwing things!!! You don't have to listen to me but from what I read it sounds like he abuses you. And that is not a healthy way to live! If he can't even answer a simple question for you, or even tell you that he loves you.... Then how do u know he even does ? I'm really sorry to hear that your stuck in this kind of relationship, But you can get out any time YOU want.... You need to PRAY big time ask your pastor or whoever they'll probably tell you the same thing. Well I hope that I was of some assistance and good luck I'll be Praying for you!
2006-09-18 21:30:12 · answer #3 · answered by Jess* 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Okay let me ask you this....What else is going on with your husband that may have caused this behavioral change? Has something happened at work? Has something tragic happened in the family? If this is out of character for him, then there is something wrong and it is probably not you, but you are making it about you and it is making him more angry. Is it right, no, but such is the life in a marriage.
Dont keep asking him questions of that sort because you are setting yourself up to hear something that he may not mean but because you keep asking will say to make you stop asking.
Instead of asking him, get on your knees and ask God what needs to be done in order to get our relationsip back on track. There is no room for blame or petty childishness, only room for love.
Stay blessed...
2006-09-18 21:27:31 · answer #4 · answered by â¤??? ?å???? 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
God has nothing to do with your questions they are a response to the fact that your husband has a problem controlling his temper, and he clearly needs counseling (spiritual or otherwise).
You probably fee llike there is something wrong inside because you live in an unhealthy environment where you are not appreciated and loved. Your husband needs to deal with his problems or you need to leave him. Everyone has stresses in their life, but that is no excuse to behave like an animal or an infant.
2006-09-18 21:08:10 · answer #5 · answered by roxy667 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I recommend you read the book "Dianetics the Modern Science of Mental Health"
This book is about why this is happening to you and also how to fix it. There is a hidden part of your mind that stores all painful experiences, then uses them against you. t You are right, there is a deeper reason, it is called the Reactive Mind. This part of your mind stops you from being who you want to be.
Dianetics gets rid of the reactive mind. It's the only thing that does.
2006-09-18 21:24:08 · answer #6 · answered by thetaalways 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you have to ask then the answers are not good.
If your husband gets violent, you both have problems.
Quit asking questions that you know (don't want to hear) the answers to.
Get counseling, get help.
No these questions are not from God.
God does not ask questions.
Get professional help (not religious help)!
2006-09-18 21:05:47 · answer #7 · answered by JFC I No 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Friend and sister, we are often more perceptive than we imagine. You are upset and troubled with something in your relationship with your husband and this is sad to hear, I am sorry. But the case may be that you are picking up on something he is not telling you. Send me a private mail (if you want) and we can discuss this in more detail.
2006-09-18 21:03:21 · answer #8 · answered by Rabbi Yohanneh 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
leave him...absence makes the heart grow fonder. If you stay...its what you want you will have to accept the consequences. Please just leave for a while at least, dont go screwin around in my opinion cause he'll blame and accuse you for it anyway but just go.let him see what he's missin.
or...get marriage counseling but DO SOMETHING. but as long as you put up with it its gonna get worse.
I'm a guy...i know
2006-09-18 21:10:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think I am qualified to give you "spiritual" advice, but my practical advice is GET OUT AS SOON AS YOU CAN!
He is mentally and emotionally abusing you. Seek counseling -- with him if he will go, without him if he won't. And start packing your things. Don't wait until the next thing he throws is you.
2006-09-18 21:03:22 · answer #10 · answered by Chickyn in a Handbasket 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋