How do I tell my mom?

Question

How do you tell your mom something that you know is going to devastate her? My mom is extremely dramatic and emotional.... Any ideas????

I am choosing to move away from family to be with a man that she HATES. Hate is too kind a word for how she feels about him. Ideas?

I should have said moving away and getting married to him and she knows nothing (well, not yet).

Answer 1

Wow, serious question. Without knowing any details, I am flying blind. But I will share something in general. If you know she is going to get dramatic, pick a spot where that is less likely to become exaggerated. You want a quiet place where she can do what she has to do, just like you do.
Practise this in your mind. Get some good support before you go in. Talk to trusted helpers and have them ready. Keep it clear and simple. Have absolute faith that this truth is necessary and helpful. Be brave. Be kind. Be honest.

Answer 2

Start out with "Mom, I need your advice". (even if you have no intention of taking it, it will satisfy her need to be "mom", and you never know, some of what she says may be useful). Don't presume how she will react in advance, I am sure that it must be pretty heavy duty that you feel it is going to devastate her, and if you just come right out and drop a bomb in her lap, you will probably get just that kind of reaction.

Make sure that it is a private conversation where the two of you have no witnesses or chances for interruption. She loves you, you are a part of her, and she only wants the best for you. You do not want to alienate her, so come to her seeking advice. The calmer you are about it, the more likely she will be calmer about it.

Since I don't know what the specific problem is, and I can think of all the worst things any of my children could come to me with, I know how I would react, but I am not the usual mother type either. But there are some things that they could tell me that would be pretty disturbing. Usually this kind of thing is something that has already occurred and it has hit the "we have to deal with it" stage, so hystronics are counter productive.

But in most cases, if you go to mom for advice, they will usually deal with it better than if you just drop a bomb on them. It is usually the feeling of being totally helpless that brings on the theatrical and emotional response. LOL, sometimes it is all that is left to the mother!

I hope all goes well for you. I know that some things can be very difficult to go to one's parent's with, but obviously you know it must be done. Just try to be politically correct in your wording.
Good luck.

Answer 3

It depends on what you mean by "devastate her". Are you seriously ill? Or did you make a bad decision and have to face up to what you did/did not do? The best policy is honesty. Just face the music and tell her the whole truth. She may flip-out, or she may surprise you and be Ms. Calm, Cool and Collected. Either way she'll get over it one way or another. And you'll feel better after all the drama is out of the way and you can work on a solution to your issue. Good luck.

Answer 4

Well, consider what you would do if it were you being told that someone you loved was going to elope with someone you consider a pervert, or worse.

All this talk about being honest etc., yadda yadda. Walk a mile in her shoes for a minute. You already know how she reacts - and how she will react to this news.

Now imagine it's you behind your mother's eyes, watching as you come along and say what you're going to say.

She's going to break her heart, right?

Now ask yourself, what is the greater good in all of this? And who gets hurt the most if it all goes wrong?

Hate to say it, but there are some times when it pays to think, not of yourself, but of everyone else whom your decisions will affect. And what effect they will have on you.

Answer 5

I've had to tell my dad some very serious things before and each time, I just waited for a calm, quiet moment and said whatever it was I needed to say in a calm, point-blank tone of voice and let him take it and react however he wanted to.
Just make sure it's the right time, when you guys are alone and everything's calm and quiet also. Then just tell her without sugar coating it. If it is inevitable that she's going to freak out, then just let her freak out and calm down and then talk about it again.

J

Answer 6

If you are old enough to marry or move away without your parents consent then she cant do much about it. Just sit her down tell her what you need to tell her and then leave to let her think about it.
She might not like your bfd but she is going to have to accept that its your bfd not hers and she cant control your life.
My mam is exactly the same with my husband - they dont get on, he tries, she tries then she complains that hes done something like use our car (she thinks I should have the car all of the time even though it is bought under joint names and is being paid for with joint monies).

Thing is everyone has to learn from their own mistakes and I think parents should let us do that, and then be there for us if we need them and if it all falls apart.

I hope it goes well for you

Answer 7

here are following steps and suggestions as to how to break a sudden bad news.
1. start speaking loudly on the subject.
2. train some one mentally....you may wish to break the event into parts or want to play it down reducing its importance for example that you want to start a project with that disliked person.
3. once u see some signs of dialogue come to the focus and then instead of leaving the perso hurt high and dry remain in rules of engagement.

Answer 8

i had to tell my dad and mom , which my dad was a minister that i was pregnant and i was just going to be a senior the next year of school....it is not easy but if you have to you might as well get it over with...i will never forget the day i told my mom and dad and i had to leave the place i lived then and all....just remember one thing when you are telling her this...remember this to shall pass...no matter what goes on that day and time , it will pass and later it hopefully will be able to be forgotten....or not talked about so much anyway,,,,

Answer 9

Tell her to sit down and not to get too dramatic and emotional before just blurting out what it is you have to tell her? Not sure rally, you not given us much to go on.
Alternatively ponder if this is one of those things that she really needs to know. Sometimes it is better not to tell.

Answer 10

This isn't easy for any mum when your daughter or son leaves home its natural to be worried & added to the fact your mother hates him then she is going to be panicking more. Its going to be one rough ride & put a strain on the relationship between mother & daughter but over time your going to have to rebuild it & accept that your new partner may not be welcome in the furture visits home. Which may cause you's to argue! So may be put the marrige on hold one step at a time...