jokes
2006-09-18 13:41:42 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
How many lawyers does it take to shingle a house?
It depends on how thin you slice them!
Why do men whistle while sitting on the toilet?
So they will remember which end to use the toilet paper on!
2006-09-18 13:53:29 · answer #1 · answered by Starscape 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
There was a guy drive down to road and all of a sudden he starts to hear some sirens.
He pulls over and the cop goes up to the drives window and as the guy is rolling down his window the cop says do you know how fast you were going and asks for his Drivers lisence
The guy replies..' I don't have my drivers lisence, I lost it 2 mounths ago for have 3 DUI's'
The cops say, 'May I see the Certificate of ownership?'
The guy say ' Oh, this isn't my car, I stole it After I killed the owner and stuffed him in the trunk of the car' Then he opens up the glove box and says 'But it might be some where in here under my gun.'
The cop looks at him and immedatly pulls his gun and says get out of the car now!
The guy calmly gets out of the car and walks to the side.
As the officer, hand cuffs him he begins to call in reinforcements.
One hour later the the whole police station comes as the shreiff comes up to the guy, he says 'May I see your drivers licesence, the guys says 'Sure' and pulls out his drivers licesence and shows it to the sheriff
Then he asks for proof of Ownership, and he pulls out the paper-- and sure enough, it is HIS car
The Sheriff says 'Hmm. May I see in the glove box'
The guys says 'Sure, go ahead, I have nothing to hide.'
The sheriff Opens the glove box and see that there is no gun anywhere.
'Well Okay, May I look in the trunk' Says the Sheriff
'Once again...I have Nothing to hide.' Sya the guys
So the sheriff slowly open the trunk and there is nothing there
'Okay...you can go now.' Say the sheriff as he uncuff the guy-- The guy Drives off say 'Now THATS how you get out of a speeding ticket'
2006-09-18 21:30:46 · answer #2 · answered by Some one Special 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A farmer walks into a bar and sits down, a girl sits down beside him and says "are you a real farmer?" the farmer says, :"well i guess i am, i own cows, chickens, horses, pigs, and sheep." the girl says "well i am a lesbian, i think about women all the time. In the shower, at breakfast, lunch, dinner, when i go to bed, and when i am at work." so then she leaved and a redneck comes up and asks him "are you a real farmer?" and the farmer replies, "i thought i was but i just found out i am a lesbian!"
2006-09-18 22:25:18 · answer #3 · answered by stina 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall.
A young punk walked up and sat down next to him.
He had spiked hair in different colours - green, red, orange, blue, and
yellow.
The old man just stared at him.
The young man turned to him and said sarcastically, “What’s the matter old
timer, never done anything wild in your life?”
Without batting an eyelid, the old man replied,
“Got drunk once and f**ked a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my
son.”
2006-09-18 21:16:03 · answer #4 · answered by mememe 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋
what did the fish say after hitting the wall? DAM !
How do you sneak up on a rabbit? Unique up on it !
How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way !
A horse walks in a bar, the bartender says, "Hey why the long face?"
Two hunters were walking in the woods, when one collapses, stops breathing and his eyes roll back in his head.
The other hunter panicks and calls 911:
Dispatcher: 911, how can I help you?
Hunter: IT'S MY FRIEND ! IT'S MY FRIEND !!! HELP HELP ! I THINK HE'S DEAD ! ! !
Dispatecher: ok sir, you're going to have to calm down for me to help you, OK? Frist we need to make sure he's dead so................
**all of the sudden she hears a gunshot over the phone BANG!**
Hunter: "ok, what's next !"
2006-09-18 21:27:00 · answer #5 · answered by Mike B 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
once a man was walking along the street wearing a condom on his head
his friend "hey that is not the place to wear it, it is to be worn on........."
"i know, i know i am not a fool actually there is a fancy dress competition and i am dressed up like........."
2006-09-18 22:40:29 · answer #6 · answered by stone 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sorry, I have already posted my funny jokes.
You will have to look for my picture to read them.
2006-09-20 01:42:40 · answer #7 · answered by Dew Drop 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
A father asks his young son,"So, how are your grades at school?"
The son answers,"Oh, they are under water."
The father asks , "What do you mean they're under water?"
The son answers,"Yeah, they're under "Sea" (C) level.."
2006-09-18 22:31:49 · answer #8 · answered by *ELiZaH* 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋