I'm actually serious: this q is about milk money?

Question

..hope I didn't lose everybody right there! I just found out today that my son (6) has not been buying milk at school, instead he's been giving a quarter a day to another little boy. He says sometimes the other boy asks him for it, sometimes he just gives it. (I should point, out, this is NOT a "buying friends" scenario. He has plenty of friends already, he just likes giving people things.)

So I told him he must not do this again. He said OK, but why? (After all the kids sometimes share a leftover cookie from lunch, a drawing, etc.) To me it's very obvious what the diference is, but when I tried to explain why it's not only bad manners but wrong, I think I confused him with abstractions that belong more to the adult world.

I would love it if anyone could come up with a good way for me to break down this concept for a 6-year-old. Thanks so much..

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Answer 1

I suspect you already asked why he gives the other boy the quarter, and that it's not because he is being bullied, and not because the boy needs it. Assuming it's just because he "likes giving things", that is an interesting one.

Maybe do a little more fact-finding to get to the bottom of why he likes to give things. Perhaps even though he has lots of friends, he is having trouble connecting with this particular boy and thought this would be a way to befriend him. Or maybe he just has a genuine altruistic side and gets something out of sharing with others. If this is the case, I wouldn't necessarily tell him this is bad manners -- maybe stick more with the fact that milk is important to your son's diet, and without it he could have weak bones and not be able to run as fast, etc etc.

If you really want to venture into the bad manners thing, I guess I would explain that it hurts people's feelings when people think they need extra money, and this boy's mommy and daddy might feel this way if they heard about your boy giving their boy money. I would definitely stress that he didn't do anything "wrong" -- because this is actually kind of a sweet thing he is doing.

I hope this helps. This is a tricky one. Good luck!

Answer 2

I don't see what the difference is or why its bad manners or wrong because of their age, if they were 15 I might feel differently. But what, these kids are in kindergarten/first grade? Come on. Kids will be kids. It doesn't sound like the kid is bullying him for it and they are 6 yrs old, its not likely that they understand what the difference between sharing money or sharing a cookie is.
I would just put money on his account at school and solve the whole taking a quarter to school concept. Every week, just take a check or cash in for as much as he would normally use and they will give him his milk daily.

Answer 3

OK I do not know what your financial situation is but I would give him an extra quarter. It is not a bad thing that he see's through his innocent eyes other people's needs. The fact that he is only six and that he is so compassionate is not something that I would worry about. At least he isn't being bullied out of his quarter. Most six year old wouldn't part with what belongs to them. I have four kids and one of them is just like this. She is forever cutting her sandwich in half and sharing her lunch. When I learned this I packed a bigger lunch. I do not want to discourage her from offering a helping hand. I would talk to his school teacher to find out a little bit more about the other child that your son is so readily helping out. I did this with my daughters teacher and learned so much. The kid she does this with gets free lunches and never brings a snack to school. My daughter takes things out of her lunch so this child has a snack. Maybe he is very poor and doesn't have any thing, then again maybe he is bullying your son out of his quarter. Go to the school and find out what the real story is and if everything pans out ask the teacher to help out with the situation.

Answer 4

My son is the same way. One day I got a reminder that he borrowed money from the cafeteria when I gave him lunch money. Well a friend asked him for it, so he gave it to him.

Although this isn't a "lesson". You may ask your school if you can prepay for milk. At our school I give a check for about 30 dollars 2x a year for milk. This sounds a lot easier than the teacher collecting quarters from everyone.
But as far as your son giving the money away. Try telling him that you gave the quarter to HIM. Not his friend. If his friend needs a quarter his mom would give him one.

Answer 5

this is tough...5-6 year olds like to share...then take it back too!
YOU prepay his milk money for about a week or two at a time so he does not have the money and that gives you time to work it out with him that you give him this money ONLY for him to buy his milk and he can take the money and purchase it himself and be responsible like big kids. giving it away means that you will worry about him not having the proper nutritious lunch to be able to do good school work all afternoon

Answer 6

Sometimes, even with little kids, you just have to put it the way it really is. I'd tell him, "Look. Mommy has to pay for your milk and lunch and all your clothes, etc. And I don't mind that at all. But Johnny's mommmy has to pay for HIS. I am NOT going to give you money to give to other kids!!"

It reminds me of when we had young teens, and we lived 2 blocks from the school, and they kept asking me to drive 3 miles out in the country to take some other kid to some after-school function. I finally said I wasn't going to DO that any more... that's why we bought a house close to the school. If they want to live way out there, let THEM figure out how their kids are getting to these events. Once in awhile I didn't mind, but it was getting to be a habit. And like you, I'd say they weren't "buying friends" but their friends certainly were taking advantage of their good nature. They were doing the favor, but I had to pay for it. I know just how you feel.

Answer 7

does he like milk? When I was young I used never to drink it although it was free (in England) as I thought I didn't like it. Maybe that's why I am so weedy today. You could tell him about this. But in the main it would seem best to ignore it and maybe tell the other boy's parents. I don't expect you're worrying about the money, but they might refund it.

Answer 8

Your kid is just a generous person and that's great. Have you ever thought that the reason why you can't break down that concept to explain it to your son is because deep down it doesn't make as much sense as you'd like it to?

Answer 9

In our school we have 'credit type cards' that the parents put money into an account and when the kids buy lunch, they bring the card and swipe it. No more money to deal with. Ask your school about it!

Answer 10

I think you are lucky to have a giving, sweet son. My son also has done this same thing(tells me so and so didn't have the $) So I try to give him an extra quarter so he buys himself what he wants and can help his buddy out too.