how do I get my 3 & 4 yr olds to listen without constantly yelling?

Question

my kids don't seem to want to listen to me or my husband. They think that we are kidding with them all the time. If we try to discipline or yell, they just sit and cry, but still don't listen. They do what we tell them not to 5 min after they got in trouble. We are tired of constantly yelling at them

they are both in school now, and the biggest problem is their attitudes. Other parents there are having similar problems but don't have any solutions either

Answer 1

Hi I used to yell and then realized that because I was yelling and spending so much energy doing that I was not being consistant and that everything I yelled went in one ear and out the other. So, I started to give time outs and make them stick and tell them what they were in time out for and ask them the reason why they did what they did. I also sterted counting 123 and that worked like a charm. But the biggest thing was to be consistant and make sure the discipline is equal to the crime. hard time going to bed make it 15 min early everynite until thay get the message. oh and the other thing that works ell with that is a goodite snack a half hour brfore they go to bed and a warm bath. also have a calendar and stickers so you can say when you listen you get a sticker and a reward at the end of the week try to stay away from giving money go to the park or something. get extra time for tv or outside time. good lick
my sons are 10 and 13 and 123 still works like a charm and believe me the older they get the more stuff they want to do so if you instill it when they are young it will remain.

Answer 2

Basically, stop doing what doesn't work
Most kids will listen if they know you are ready to take action.
So, don't yell - ever. Speak softly to them - make sure they understand the request AND the consequences (make the consequences doable because you will have to do them in the beginning and for heavens sake make the consequences appropriate! Beating a 3 year old is almost never appropriate - the exception perhaps being an intensely dangerous situation)
It will take time but if they know you love them,and want the best for them and WILL act if they disobey, then they will learn to obey quickly without you raising your voice.
BTW, a child's attention span is only about 1 minute per year of age so they probably won't be able to concentrate on a task much longer than that. Try substituting something to do that is acceptable (positive) instead of telling them not to do something (negative).
They are worth your effort. Keep trying. Each child is different and what works for one may well not work for another!

Answer 3

I am the father of 3 kids: 16,15, and a 3 year old. So I have learned from the mistakes I have made with the 1st two kids. The problem with the small kids of today is that they are constantly be entertained with video monitors: at home, in the car, at the store, they even make personal video games and players for kids under 5, with headsets. Parents think they need to entertain the little one by popping in a DVD when they go 15 minutes up the road to the store. I see it all the time, so the kids of today, NOT ALL but a whole lot of them have noise around them all the time. Turn everything off: The Wiggles, Spongbob, the DVD's in the back seat, the radio the mp3 players, and talk to your child in a normal tone of voice maybe a little lower. When you are in the car there are plenty of things to see other than a video screen strapped to the back of the seat. Teach your kids about colors and sounds and learn to count while riding down the road. You are probably trying to yell above the sound of all the noise around your child. Speak to your husband in a low tone and the kids will pick up on it and when they start using a quite voice praise them even if they do it 1 time gather everyone around and make a big deal about the 3 year old using their "quite voice". It works believe me I have been on both sides of the fence. At our church you can always spot the kids who are raised in a loud, overstimulated home, after about 10 minutes they are screaming a want to play and make a lot of noise, it is not their fault it is the fault of the parents. So turn off the TV and watch what happens when they start listening the 1st time they get it back for 10-15 minutes at a time, at a very low volume. Cover your dining room table or coffee table with brown paper bags taped together at let them color quitely whatever they want, as long as they are "quite". The problem is you are having to yell louder and louder and that doen't work. Reward good behavior, punish bad behavior and in time the good behavior will take over. They feel like they are always in trouble and never get told, thank you, and get praised for the things they do right. They know what wrong they do, they need to be told more what right they do as well. It is hard I know, but you have to stick with it, and it will pay off over time.

Answer 4

I know that so many people don't like this idea but it seems the only thing that WILL work for you and for so many other parents too as well as for the kids and no this is not abuse either.
Has anyone tried to give your children a spanking?
Yes, an old fashioned spanking and not a beating either but a real spanking that will be remembered for awhile and no bruising either cause that is abuse.
Use the flat part of your open hand and carefully and gently but firmly aim for the butt of the child and hit but not so hard as to hurt the child but enough so the child feels it.
Do this a couple of times and save your yelling for something else like when you and the kids are playing football or something that really does require yelling.
And again I say that this is NOT abuse is done gently but firmly because see where it's gotten you and your children already without spanking. Your children are out of control and all the yelling and screaming in the world isn't making them mind is it? THEY are in control and that's not a good thing cause it will lead to really bad things when they grow up and no parent wants bad things to happen to their children so a bit of a spanking won't harm them as some idiots think it will because they don't respect a parent who just talks or screams or yells at them but they will respect a parent who in control and knows how to handle them with a bit of a spanking to their butts.
It's called "tough love" and see if you love your children enough to be tough but not mean to them.
If you spare the rod and spoil the child you are not in control and the child will be the one who suffers later.

Answer 5

Do your kids attend day care or stay with friends or family ever? Are there discipline problems then? If not, what is different? How is the interaction different? If these children are not around others, they need to be...... with discipline stressed to the kids and the caregivers. Yelling does not work....... it's composed of threats that have no consequence. Maybe you need to start telling them of swats to the backsides and carrying then out when they " laugh off" your words. You can not be "best friends" with children....... they need discipline and will respond to discipline when they know they are expected to do so. My Mom was a disciplinarian in her day.......... when she promised to introduce you to a switch... you met the switch! I didn't need too many "switches" until I learned to be a good girl...... and I'm a better person for it today. If you can't get your kids under control by yourselves, you need to seek professional help. I find that the tone of my voice and the structuring of questions age appropriately for the child in question, yields me great results. Good luck!

Answer 6

You have to start training kids early. Most kids today are whiners and crybabies. It is not the kids' fault, but the parents. From the time they start to talk and understand what you say, you have to take them in line and let them know who's boss. Most kids think they are the boss and from what I have seen, they have good reason to feel that way. I worked as a nanny for 2 1/2 years. I loved those kids like they were my own, but they were some of the most spoiled kids I have ever seen. They were completely different with me than they were the parents because they knew that I would not let them get away with everything like the parents did and no I did not spank them or yell at them.

IIt is like training a dog, and don't get me wrong, I love dogs, but they have to learn from the start who is the boss.

Answer 7

How to get them to listen without yelling?? The answer is to simply stop yelling. They have learned to tune you out, it is not that they think you are kidding- it is that they have learned who is really in charge in the house.

Write down what didn't work for you.
Write down the other parenting methods you have tried and pick whatever is left. Look at what options you have left in managing your child's behavior, if you don't see any then get outside help.

In a nutshell, you have to decide what the rules of your house are going to be then enforce them with natural consequences for bad behavior & rewards for good behavior. Children learn what they live and it takes time to develop a pattern of negative behavior. It will take an equal amount of time to redirect and show your child what they need to do.

Be consistent in whatever way you decide to go with this. And don't forget most vip of all to let them know you love them every day. PS at this time of year with children that age they may have started a preschool or toddler program - talk to their teacher. If these negative behaviors are new ones consider pulling out your kids till they relearn your home rules.

Answer 8

Kids are not dumb at all. As soon as crawling and standing starts, so does the discipline training to listen. Here's the deal. Use the 1,2,3 rule. If you say come here and they don't respond, then start by asking if they want to be popped..... Come here...1 come here 2 come here 3.....each time speaking more firm and a little louder. After 3...pop. Never pop them with your hand....and you don't have to pop them that hard, but they need to know you mean what you say and you must be consistant. If they cry, fine. Tell them "you better come to me when I call you!"......after a while.....all you have to do is asked..."do you want me to pop you?"....and they should come running. BUt you have to follow through. I promise my kidz a spanking and I spank them.....most of the time....It's lightly done.....and then warn them that next time it might not be so easy.....of course, this is after they've learned the 1,2,3....also.....after a while....stop the 1,2,3 and then go for the immediate results......come here.....you want me to pop ypu....if they don't move....pop away....they'll learn quickly. My oldest 2 are 9 and 11 and I can't remeber the last time I had to pop them for anything at all....also, they've seen other kidz get popped....so they know they weren't alone. When they were 6 and 7.....they were taken to a fish fry. So well behaved, they were welcome to come back and were enjoyed. ANd they listened.

Answer 9

I believe consistancy is the key. If you say "if you do (whatever) I'm going to do (whatever) then DO IT! NEVER say you are going to punish in some way and then dont do it. That is the most important thing! And it's good for the punishment to always be the same thing for the same offense - always time out for hitting, always not playing with a toy for throwing it - something like that. Different things work better for different kids & you have to find out what makes them tick - some kids "die" if you give them timeout & others don't care. Find what hurts THEM and use it. LOL Good luck!

Answer 10

have you considered adoption?

just kidding.

they probably enjoy the (negative) attention that they receive. instead of yelling at them or (in case you've tried) don't ignore them but speak FIRMLY AND MEAN IT. if they don't do as they are told, and decide that sitting and pouting is a good substitute, physically pick them up and put them where they should be. then, FIRMLY (but not yelling) command them to do as they are told. next, declare a punishment for not doing as they are told. finally, follow through with the punishment swiftly and stick to it... for example if you say time out for FIVE minutes and they come running down the stairs acting like nothing happened time out starts over. it might take them a while but they will learn that you mean business. give them the directions. tell them the consequences of their actions. physically move them if needed. follow through with discipline.

be firm and be patient. i know that it is hard but it is the only way that the child will RESPECT you. it is all about RESPECT. they must RESPECT YOU. YOU ARE THE ADULT.

and you love them. they will come to learn that love isn't always hugs and kisses. good luck and stick to it. punishment when bad and praise when good. hope this helps.