Do all adults harbor emotional wounds from childhood?

Question

As a parent of two young children, I worry about their adult futures and how they will reflect on their childhood and my parenting. I am not chronically worried but just interested in knowing if any parents get it right and never fall from grace...so to speak.

Answer 1

I think almost all adults have some kind of emotional baggage from childhood. Even if their parents were kind and loving, the child may have gotten picked on in school, gotten in fights with siblings, etc.All we can do is raise children to the best of our abilities and teach them to be tough, but loving individuals.

Answer 2

Every person has some emotional wounds from childhood. There is no escaping that. That doesn't mean that all children grow up to be "damaged" adults. Most adults are perfectly psychologically healthy and well adjusted, despite some painful memories from childhood. If a mother tries to be the perfect parent who always gets it right, than the child will pick up on that and think that THEY have to be perfect to be okay...as much as you may tell them otherwise, they will never feel secure that they can make mistakes and still be accepted if their parents don't give themselves grace and allow themselves to make mistakes. This is not to say that we shouldnt all strive to be the best parent that we can be, but becoming overanxious and perfectionistic in parenting won't provide the environment for the child that they are striving for. It will create an environment where the child is anxious and afraid to make mistakes. Everything in moderation. In psychology, we use a term called "the good enough mother"...what that means is that the most well adjusted children have mothers make mistakes, but are "good enough"...they don't physically,verbally, or emotionally abuse their children. They provide a warm, safe, loving environment (even though they sometimes blow it as a parent).

Answer 3

huh? didn't really get the last part of your question, but I get the first one! YES adults do harbor emotional wounds from childhood. I know several that are still in counseling in their 30's b/c of crap they had to endure as children. I am one of them! I'm 34 yrs. old and still have issues with my parents b/c of VERY POOR decisions they made when I was a child. The biggest issue that leads to all others for me was NOT putting my needs above their own or their partners. (they both let my step-parents abuse me and my siblings) I only guess because they felt they couldn't be w/out a spouse, and just put up with anything to keep from being alone. Therefore being very selfish, and technically speaking----"shitting" on their kids just to maintain their own happiness. I have NO respect for either of them to this day!! So......dont do that, and you should be ok. Just put your kids first!

Answer 4

Sure, I have two older brother past 60 still harboring wounds mostly because they never grew up anyway...and I know and believe it was detertrimental to their maturation because they are still whinning about it. Tough jocks, 4 lettermen and all and can't get beyond being chastized for this, that or the other...all necessary and well deserved by the way. Yeah, arrested development has stunted their mental growth.
Fear not, just be loving, firm and very consistent and spend time making thier homework interesting...learning is the best way out of any traumatic childhood. (My brothers never learned that).

Answer 5

Your relationship with your parents, especially your mother, plays such a huge part in your life and has a profound impact on who you become as an adult. Now that I'm a mom I think about that all the time. About every month I look back and wonder - Have I done anything to screw her up yet? So far, I think we're doing okay! But remember, you can't expect to be perfect and not make any mistakes.

Answer 6

Yes, I think all adults harbor some kind of emotional wounds from childhood. There just aren't any perfect parents or perfect kids anywhere on this earth.'

Answer 7

There is not a parent (or child) out there who is always "right." We all have are good days and bad days. Emotional wounds from childhood are generally caused 1 of the following: 1)by a traumatic event (for example sexual abuse, death of a caregiver, etc.)- even in situations such as these, a child may not ever forger the event and pain that went with it, but can heal with appropriate help, or 2)abuse of some kind over long periods of time (can be something a simple as constant put-downs, making the child think they are not "good"). As long as you always strive to put your best foot forward, and when you make a mistake discuss it openly, your children will love and respect you. I love my kids, but will admit that I make mistakes. For example, I yelled at my daughter tonight for being too loud after bedtime. I was frustrated, as my husband is out of town for a week and it is difficult trying to meet the needs of 3 young children by myself. I had just gotten the baby to sleep when my 3-year-old got out of bed and started playing loudly by her door. I felt awful that I yelled at her and quickly sat down with her and apolizized for yelling and explained why I was upset. She then said "It's ok mommy, I sorry too" and went to bed. I feel all parents are going to make mistakes- parenting is all trial and error, as no matter how many books you read or advice you get- all children and parents are different and make mistakes. As long as you admit your mistakes, discuss them (to a degree) with your child, and don't make a pattern of it, you should be fine. Good luck! We all need it sometimes!

Answer 8

As long as u're a great parent I'm sure that's all that will matter. My husband he holds a grudge against his parents cause they were never there for him, my mom has been there for him more than his has ever been, she says that she tried her hardest which we know is not true, she just didn't want to try for reasons we all know. Now she lives with us and gives us a hard time and tells my husband don't dwell on the past, well it's hard to listen when she's the one that ruined his childhood, I on the other hand know my dad did try his hardest to raise me and I love him for that, my mom on the other hand didn't but she's making up for that now so i hold no grudges. just try ur hardest and that's all u can do ur kids are individuals so there's no predicting how they'll end up.

Answer 9

You'd be kidding yourself if you though that no parent ever made a mistake. I think the things that have affected me from childhood are not big things that my mum regrets but just tiny things. Little comments on others and then having gone on and found myself in the situation that she criticised and feeling wrong. I truly believe that off the cuff remarks can be more powerful in a childs mind when they don't have the skills to interpret them than say sending them to their room without dinner. Always tell them that you love them, are proud of them and that they are beautiful/handsome. Can't go wrong.

Answer 10

We hang on to the emotional wounds that we can use. If a person can't use it as an excuse for their actions - why bother. Even if you love for all you are worth and love unconditionally you may still have a child that grows thinking you loved everyone else more. Just do your best and know that this too shell pass.