Military Wives, girlfriends, or fiances!?

Question

Hi, well I am 21 years old and my fiance is 19. He is currently away in Missouri for his army basic training. We have been dating for 11 months and have basically been inseperable. He graduates Nov. 9 and I live in North Carolina but I'm gonna try and fly out there. What I wanna know is, are any of you of how have you dealt with your significant other being away from you? I am sad cause he's not around, but I am happy thinking of him, and getting letters, and getting his call. What do u ladies do, to not feel so sad? Please answer only if you have a military spouse please!!

Answer 1

My husband just got back from deployment, and really, the closer to time for him to get here, the harder it got. The key really is to find others in your community who are married to military... form a support group. When you get married, it might be a good idea to live on base, because then you are surrounded by those who understand.

Answer 2

Hi. I am not a spouse, but I grew up knowing this situation really well. Being a military wife takes a special kind of woman with some well developed skills. That is, if you are going to make a success out of it because it is a very demanding life. To cope with separation you need to develop inner resources. Remember those two words and cultivate them. Inner resources are the strategies you have created to help yourself grow during the weeks or even months when your spouse is away. The worst thing you can do is just sit and vegetate. Or try to look busy. You need to be doing things that truly interest you and give you a sense of fun and of challenge. Take a class. Do an online course. Learn something to do that you have always wanted to do: from auto mechanics to flying a plane. Be confident. be patient with yourself. Have a TLC hotline and a network of family and friends to call and email. Let your friends and loved ones know how helpful it is to hear from them. And never feel alone. There are thousands of other women out there, just like you, stretching back over generations. They are the wives of fighting men. And they are used to waiting because it is the least they can do.

Answer 3

I'm not married but my boyfriend has been in the Air Force for 11 months he is currently in Iraq. We've been together almost 3 yrs. anyway boot camp was really hard I sent him a letter every day and he loved getting them. I did get to talk to him almost every weekend which helped. But I think while he was away we grew closer. The only thing I can tell ya is to sent lots of letters and as hard as it might seem try to do things to keep you busy. I'm having a hard time with that right now. I haven't talked to him in 2 wks and I'm going crazy. This will either make you or break you (at least that's what people tell me) Good Luck

Answer 4

My husband is in the military. I wish I could give you some good advise, but there is nothing really you can do to make it better. Everytime I drop my husband off on base, I cry. I don't ever want him to get on that plane and go. Sometimes it's for less then a week sometimes it's for severl months. But it's always hard. Poeple ask me all the time how I do it. I love him and I would wait for him forever. If you really love this guy it will be worth it to wait for him. Just don't be one of those hoochies that goes and messes around with someone he works with when he's gone. Unfortantly there is nothing you can do to not be sad. Just keep writing him and taking his calls and think how great it will be when the two of you reunite.

Answer 5

My hubby and I met in high school. He was a senior, me a junior. He left for bootcamp (USMC) three days after he graduated. He came home for 10 days. Went to MOS school for a few months, came back for 27 days. Then he left for Japan for what was suppossed to be a year. It ended up being two and out of that, he was only home for 25 days. Then he came home last December for 17 days, which is when he proposed and then four days later we got married. Then he went to 29 Palms, CA in January and about two weeks later, I drove from Ohio to Cali to be with him... knowing that in February he would be leaving for Iraq for 7 months. We spent about a month living together before he left and he just got back from Iraq about 12 days ago. It's really hard sometimes and even harder the rest of the time, but if it's what you really want, it's 100% possible. The trick is to occupy yourself. Get a job, go to school, whatever... and in the spare time, write to him, send packages, make websites, talk to other spouses... I started a website when he was at boot and have kept it ever since, updating it and changing it. I also find Yahoo! groups aimed at spouses/gf's/fiancees really helpful. It's comforting to know you aren't the only one going through this. Even though it still sucks going to bed alone at night, no matter what, if you're sticking through it, then it's worth the wait. Good luck.. and here's my website... http://www.freewebs.com/semperfi8487

Answer 6

Ohhh sweetie its just getting started and it never gets easier! The best thing to do is keep busy busy busy with none stress filled activities. Since you guys are getting married go out with your girlfriends and look for wedding stuff to pass the time anything that doesnt add stress. Thats exactly what I do during deployments. remember wives have the toughest job in the army, after you guys get married and he's in for a while you'll understand what I mean,you'll also understand how important your "job" will be! take care and stay strong and if you want to talk feel free to email me!

Answer 7

Do a search on yahoo groups for military wives and other support groups like that. My DH is in Iraq and before he left I joined a few sites. I dont' use them daily, but it is nice to have a place where you can vent and share your feelings and others know what you are goign through. Other than that I try and keep myself as busy as possible, I don't dwell on the danger he is in. Always stay positive! And pray!

Answer 8

alyce 04:

Your fiance is fortunate that he is not taking his basic at Fort Leonard Wood in the winter time, it's not called "Little Korea" for nothing.

You've received many excellent comments, and there isn't much I can add except this. Be brave and confident when you are around him. FOR HIS OWN SAFETY, he needs to keep his mind on the mission at hand, and not worrying about how the folks back home are doing. He will be just fine, and although it will be hard, and you'll miss him, so will you

When you do see him on November 09, please tell him "Thank You" for his service and sacrifice to the country from me. My family and I sleep safe and sound at night because there are brave young men and women in our military keeping watch over the nation. And "Thank You" to you for sharing him with the country for a while.

ps: I was one of those GI's who DIDN'T cheat.

Answer 9

The hardest thing about being apart is how much you grow everyday. Everyday we grow and every experience shapes us, remember this and apply it to you there and him away. Your in for a tough ride but nothing that can't be accomplished. Since you've never been in the military it might be hard to try and understand what he might be going through when he has his bad days but communication is the key and will ultimately see you through your long distance relationship.

Answer 10

military wife, military mum as well. so have been dealing with this from two different angles.

Stay as positive as you can and keep your life as smooth as possible............I keep my self as busy as I can, with work etc but also in doing some new things in / for the house whilst he is away, so he comes home to something new, or it at least gives you something extra to chat about in your letters......when hubby was away alot UNLESS it was totally life threatening and complete dire then he did NOT get the bad news..........the car blew up the dog died etc etc you suck it up deal with it and then tell him ONCE you have solved the problem, he can NOT be there to help so overloading him with bad news does not help you or him.

As for the person that went on tales from her EX finance hmmmmm maybe he was just telling you the stuff HE was up when you was not around but its always the few bad ones that give the rest a poor name..........most men do not fool around and if they are that type they are going o do it period and you deal with BUT you do not start off thinking he WILL be doing it otherwise it is pretty pointless to get married