My neighbours cuts his hedges to look like big erect penises. What can I do to stop him (I have kids)?

Question

I asked him nicely but he refused to change them and said I should stop oppressing him and celibrate human fertility.

Answer 1

Why fight it.
You should make a socially responsible statement of your own and cover them with giant condoms.
Try using a garbage sack.
And be glad he didnt trim them into flaccid ones, at least erect is aesthetically pleasing.

Answer 2

If you live within a neighborhood, there is more than likely a deed restriction or city ordinance that deals with this issue. Please do not take matters into your own hands (although there have been some punny suggestions on how to do so). Take photos as evidence of the hedges, document your conversations with the neighbor and what has been done so far, find out when your next city council meeting is and perhaps speak with some others in the neighborhood who may be in agreement with you. Then go to the next city council meeting to present your case. They will have an open forum, but if you can actually get the issue on the council agenda, it would be oh so much better!

Again, please don't take measures on your own to destroy/crop the hedges. This can result in legal action, and which is worse, your children having to observe as you go through legal action for something so petty, or having your children observing the bushes?

Answer 3

Ignore your neighbour, short of a court injunction or calling in the media there isn't anything you can do about it. It might be a good time for you and your kids to share some open dialogue about the phallis in your neighbours yard. Besides, you can't shield your children from everything they see and hear. There are worse things in the world than erect penises.

Answer 4

Tell him that if he wanted to celebrate fertility he should cut his hedges into the shape of a pregnant woman. He's not celebrating, he's compensating. Every year, after the first big snow fall, I go outside and make a giant snow penis.

Btw...don't damage his hedges. All that'll do is escalate the situation. It could make you look bad and it would be setting a bad example to your kids on top of the penis issue. If you can, let the authorities handle it...I'm sure you're probably not going to be the only one who complains.

Answer 5

Celebrate human fertility? What a complete selfish bastard! He's an oppressed pervert. Cavemen did things like that. Inform the local council. Failing that, plenty of liquid weedkiller my friend in the dead of night. Throw a brick through his window, if he objects, tell him to stop repressing a brick worshipper and he should celebrate brick sharing. What a complete w****r! If he's married, you could send him and his wife an 'anonymous' letter saying how much you admired his hedges 'signal' and would he be interested in a swinging session with him and his wife. His own wife would do the removal job for you! Ah well, good luck with the bastard.

Answer 6

Take a photo of his wife. Take a photo of the hedge. Photo shop her face on a porn star's body, the take that & make it look like she's riding the hedge.

Blow the whole thing up on a banner & string it up along the hedge, preferably facing the street.

Alternatively, you could use his photo. You'd just need to turn the hedge sideways.

Let's see how much celebrating he does then!

Answer 7

There is not any way you can make your penis when it is flaccid, this is because when a penis becomes erect the cavities fill with blood and it is obviously larger. The only thing that can be said is that if a mans penis is 4 to 4.5 inches long when flaccid it will only get say up to 6 inches long when erect , where as a penis that is 3 inches long when flaccid will still get to 6 inches when hard.

Answer 8

Call your local news station and call your newspaper they will pounce on such a story. This is exactly the type of news, filled with sexual innuendos, that attracts viewers and sells newspapers. All the attention and probably a car load of hate mail pouring in from the community will probably pressure your neighbor into give the hedge a proper neutering.

Answer 9

I don't think there is anything you can do to stop him. If it's his hedge, his property, he has the right to use at as he sees fit so long as no one is hurt(offended or concerned doesn't count as hurt.) If the only vaguely sexual thing your kids see from time to time is a hedge shaped like a penis, you should count yourself lucky, and still a better parent than many.

Answer 10

I would like to say that you should have him remove it but then I think to myself as a homeowner that what if you didn't like my lilac bushes or my grass wasn't cut short enough. As much as you don't like it you can't do anything about it. It's freedom of expression. Buy a fence and get over it. Your kids won't be kids forever.