I'm 21 years old and its been 7 years since ive talked to my "real" father. he resently got out of prison and has contacted my mothers side of the family and wishes to speak to me. i hold alot of anger inside of myself for my father. He left my mother and i when i was still a baby ( less than a year old.) then when i was 14 i decided i wanted to get to know him and he got me on drugs and has never been a good role model. Should I talk to him? When he was in jail I wrote once and explained to him that I wasnt sure if i wanted a relationship with him and he wrote me back several times but i never responed. I dont know what to say after all this time. I really dont even look to him as a father. My mother married a wonderful man when i was 10 and ive always looked at him as my "dad." I just dont want to disappoint anyone and im scared of what may happen to my real father if i dont speak to him like he get really depressed and do something to go back to jail. what do i do?
2006-09-18 11:16:04 · 4 answers · asked by crystalyn129 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I think you know what's right for you and for you not to have a relationship with him goes without saying. He's been in jail, got you into drugs, and is a bad role model, need I say more? On the other hand, your stepdad is the most caring dad you know and no matter which way you look at it--he is as real a dad could be in your life.
I think you should choose to do nothing. Any 'father' who would leave his child and influence his kid to take drugs is a scum. You don't need him in your life, and now that you have your own voice, you should learn how to make choices and say NO. You're better off without him. Good luck, I hope this helps.
2006-09-18 11:32:13 · answer #1 · answered by the_memory_of_ashes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The most important thing you have to do for yourself first, is to forgive him. That doesn't mean forget all the pain he caused in your life, and that doesn't necessarily mean that you have to have a relationship with him, but it just means that you no longer hold on to the bitterness and pain that he caused you. Forgiving someone is the first step to any kind of emotional healing. If you aren't ready to build any kind of relationship with him, explain to him (maybe you wrote this in your last letter) that you aren't ready for a relationship, and if he loves you and wants to build a good relationship, it's going to take some time, and you'll contact him when you are ready. If you're not opposed to it, pray and ask God for strength to forgive him, and guidance in building a relationship when you are ready.
2006-09-18 18:23:49 · answer #2 · answered by The New Mrs. Nguyen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He was never there for you and when he was he got you hooked on drugs. what would happen if you did get with him, a life of crime? I think you have to accept that he is the one who planted that seed inside your mother but your mother and her new man ( you're dad) have nurtured that seed with love, i think if you get with your birth father, then the thorns he has carried around with him in his life may sting you and do damage. i can appreciate your 21, but you're still vulnerable. I say forget him, he sure has forgotten you mate.
2006-09-18 18:29:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him the truth about how you feel. The only one you should be scared to disappoint is yourself.
2006-09-18 18:35:10 · answer #4 · answered by soccergirl12280 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋