I've got 4 girls involved. I thought they would be the perfect 4. 2 of them are less than excited and 1 actually acts like it's a chore. I've asked them to help me pick out their dresses. No one wants to - they all say they will wear whatever I pick out for them. They don't have time to look with me. My best friend lives in another state and is being more helpful than the other two here. The other one is my 16 year old daughter. I wonder....how terrible would it be to tell them to take a long walk? :) Only perhaps in a nice way?
2006-09-18 11:07:12 · 23 answers · asked by daisylane 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
of course my daughter wants to help out. :) She's a size 2 and only 16. I thought the other girls (all almost 40 and NOT sizes 2's) would want the opportunity to choose their dresses. They don't have to do ALOT...just pick out their own dang clothes. Is that asking too much?
2006-09-18 11:14:19 · update #1
and of course - just my luck, they aren't friends...but family. Ugh.
2006-09-18 11:15:14 · update #2
I'm sorry. Didn't give the correct impression. I would be super happy to go to Vegas and get married with JUST my groom. Make my day. I've never been married. Don't want to wear white. And have no large wedding plans. Just a wedding with a few friends and family. Small cake reception. I thought the girls would expect to be in my wedding as that's what we'd ALWAYS talked about as girls growing up. We've all always been in each others weddings. I had no idea I had a deadline I guess.
2006-09-18 11:22:19 · update #3
tell em like it is
u cant beat a good wedding punch up.
2006-09-18 11:15:17 · answer #1 · answered by Jason A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever came out and asked them how they felt about it?
I know we are two separate human beings, but in discussion, I individually would ask something in the form of this, with a little critiquing of course.
I would ask the girls in a nice and conversationally manner: "You don't seem excited and I am a little hurt by that. However, if you truly do not want to be involved, I understand and would still love you to attend the wedding"
I don't know if they simply purposely not putting any effort or if they truly not realizing they are not when they feel being in it for you is enough.
If you feel it isn't working out with them and they are not giving you the support you need, I would kindly tell them that you decided that having your daughter and best friend in the wedding turns out to be the bestest things and thank them graciously for accepting in the beginning.
Will they be hurt? They might or become a little "cold shoulder" about it. I just don't see any justification for them to be that way though and you shouldn't either. A bridesmaid isn't just someone who puts on a dress and walks in front of you at the wedding day. There is a lot more to it and if not putting in the effort, then they truly are not a bridesmaid in the begining.
I am not going to have any bridesmaids myself. Not due to just this reason, which is a little part of it, I am also having a destinational wedding in Hawaii. Most people would want me to pay for them to fly out and stay on top of it all. I can't afford that. Plus, only people who is helping is my mom, myself and my fiance. That is only when he is able to research due to being in the military.
This is your day and should be one you will look back and be happy about the choices you made. If you are not happy now with their behavior, I believe you will be the same on your wedding day. That unsupportive (don't want to be involved) void that you feel will carry into that day and might not make you happy. I personally speaking would feel that way. You might have a chance as well.
Do what you feel is best. Even if others on here disagree. They will or had their own chance to do it their way. It is time to do it yours.
2006-09-18 19:38:41 · answer #2 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, I have the same problem. I have three bridesmaids who I thought would be able to help out with stuff...one is my best friend, one is my oldest friend, and the other is my old college roommate...my best friend lives outta town and can only make it down every once in a while. The other two live in town but are super hard to get a hold of. my old college roommate didn't even make it to my bachelorette party, then again, why am I surprised, she's always flaking out on me. I wish there was a nice way to tell her to take a hike. I figure if she decides to flake on my wedding, I'm making my fiance's sister a back up bridesmaid.
Anyways, back on track. It's ultimately up to you. You can tell them that their lack of enthusiam is bothering you and that if they don't want to help out or take part in making your special day special then you would rather they step down as your attendents and you can find some others who would be more than willing to do so. Just keep the girls that are doing their best for you.
Good luck!
2006-09-18 12:25:33 · answer #3 · answered by J 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately being in a wedding is a chore, epically if they are just relatives, are you paying for their dresses or are they? I have been in many wedding parties and did not want to, I was afraid to say no as I didn't want to hurt their feelings. It is so much easier just attending as a guest and obviously some of your girls are feeling the same way. Talk with them about this, sounds like they want to be a guest, like I did. I do hope you have a wonderful day.
2006-09-18 11:29:29 · answer #4 · answered by Gabriele 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they are doing the other bridesmaid duties, like throwing a bridal shower, then I wouldn't worry about it. I was just in a wedding where the bride had us help pick out the bridesmaid dresses; honestly I thought it was annoying and would rather her have picked out the dresses. It's hard to get 4 women to decide on anything-if they have to pick it out they will complain about the cut, color, price and all 4 of them will want drastically different dresses. In my situation one girl wanted a short black dress, another wanted a tealength dress in burgundy, another wanted a full-length dress that covered her legs. Eventually the bride chose a dress and it was much easier!
If you un-ask them to be bridesmaids, they will be hurt. Maybe you could talk to them and ask for more help. Be specific in asking for help-say I would like help choosing flowers or choosing cake. However, keep in mind that they have lives and could be busy on their own.
If the only problem is they don't want to shop for a dress, I would just pick a dress for them.
2006-09-20 07:39:40 · answer #5 · answered by newjerseygirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to the wonderful world of getting married. Get them all together if you can and ask them point blank if they want to be in your wedding, if they do, take them at their word and pick out a bridesmaid dress. Alternatively, call each one individually and ask them do you still want to be in the wedding. Make sure they understand that you won't be mad if they don't. You could just decide to have only one attendant and tell everyone else that you just wanted a smaller wedding.
2006-09-18 11:10:40 · answer #6 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is your wedding. You can do whatever you want. I understand you are trying to please everyone, but when are you going to start pleasing yourself? I would say keep it to a minimum. Stay with 2 bridesmaids to keep things simple and it's much less stressful believe me. Everyone's got their own thing to do, so if they are less liekly to want to help you, then don't bother having them a part of the wedding party cause you still have to get them gifts too. I'd say, save yourself the trouble and cut 2 bridesmaids if you want to and save yourself the money.
2006-09-18 11:24:33 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been a bride and I have been a bridesmaid more than I care to. If you want to lose your friends, yes unask them. Even if they really aren't all that interested un-asking them will get you nothing but grief from them, as they will take it personally.
Relax.....it is just a wedding. I know it is your wedding, but the wedding day is only one day....you have the rest of your life as a wife to look forward to...which one do you think is more important?
2006-09-18 11:19:02 · answer #8 · answered by littleflower_57 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No woman around 40 wants to be in a wedding. You are overdoing this thing. Your daughter should have been the only one you asked. It's not like you're a blushing bride. Your 40 something with a 16 year old kid. That means you're probably divorced. I certainly hope that you don't plan to wear white. Tone down your wedding plans. I'm sure your friends are talking.
2006-09-18 11:18:50 · answer #9 · answered by sheeny 6 · 2⤊ 3⤋
As for your 16yr. old daughter you can't expect her to think on the mature level that your thinking on.
Her mind is so far from such things. She's not doing it on purpose. She's just being an adolescent. Forgive her
I know that you were giving her the opportunity to be a part of something special. She's just not as focused as you are right now. I don't know what to say about that other one.
She could be another topic.
2006-09-18 11:14:23 · answer #10 · answered by Shantel J 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
choose the dresses yourself, i have 2 bridesmaid that are trying to organise my whole wedding and im not getting a say, your lucky. i no it all sucks, but yeah otherwise and have a 1on 1 talk and subtly ask what's happening. i'm sure they all want to help, but maybe dont know where to sstart. or otherwise are you wanting too much help from them. depending on how old they are and what is already happening in their lives, they may not have as much time as you think they should help.
anyway good luck and hope it all goes well :)
2006-09-18 11:17:39 · answer #11 · answered by trandru 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋