*SECRET DIARY OF A CAT
DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from shredding on the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant and cough it up on the carpeting.
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair... must try this on their bed (again).
DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in
attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was ...Hmmm. Not working according to plan...
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth and the tiny bit of flesh under my claws.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured.
But I can wait; it is only a matter of time....
2006-09-18 11:02:23 · 15 answers · asked by LAUGHING MAGPIE 6 in Pets ➔ Cats
Actually two my cats do have opposable thumbs, they are POLYDACTYL CATS
2006-09-18 11:09:37 · update #1
First I've seen this....it's hilarious!
And it makes me wonder what lovely little plots my two cat children have cooked up for our demise.....Blaze wasn't too happy with those baths, and I think Lotus was rather upset when we chased her in the complex hallway, caught her, and put her back inside....hmm...
2006-09-18 11:16:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You don't have anything to worry about. It took your cat 774 days to figure out that the bird is an informant.... it should be a matter of years before he lashes out and causes significant bodily harm to you. However I would consider putting a bell on him. At least you would know if he is trying to trip you on the stairs again.
:o)
2006-09-18 11:09:56 · answer #2 · answered by annika_grace 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
hi, I had very comparable concerns as you once I have been given my kittens, somewhat over protecting. they are actually 8 months old have had all their inoculations and been neutered. They the two positioned on collars, ancol snap of protection ones. whilst they have been little they could come out into the backyard with me yet whilst i replaced into at artwork and at night they could stay in and that they have been pleased with this at first. Now they are older we positioned a cat flap in and that they arrive and bypass as they please. they do no longer stray so far now they have been spayed and if I call them they arrive abode, i will hear them coming by their bells. in case you prefer too shop you cat in at night, which I in all probability will interior the wintry climate i could provide it a meal on a similar time each and every night so as that they study what time back in and get an incentive for it. sounds such as you're putting a selection of of concept into getting a cat it is sturdy, they could stay for a protracted time so it extremely is to no longer be undertaken gently. superb of success once you do get one.
2016-10-17 05:42:05 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My dog Beamer (shown here in my avatar) said this sounds like a trick some dogs play so that their owner will get rid of the family cat.
He (Beamer) said he would never do it to our cat because what would he terrorize then?
Don't worry, your cat is fine.
2006-09-18 11:18:37 · answer #4 · answered by tarro 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm. Someone has forwarded me that same email at least a dozen times. You should give credit to the person who actually wrote it.
2006-09-18 11:05:38 · answer #5 · answered by . 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes I would be very worried. But is is also creative. KUDOS to you for such lovely work.
2006-09-18 11:11:23 · answer #6 · answered by mikeae 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
cute! But yes I think that you should be very afraid!!
I have to ask why you were reading your cats diary? That's just wrong!!! ;-)
2006-09-18 11:12:26 · answer #7 · answered by suequek 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is really funny, did you write it yourself?
2006-09-18 11:10:27 · answer #8 · answered by ask the eightball 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This has been going around the Net for YEARS.....
2006-09-18 11:10:15 · answer #9 · answered by zen 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋
I think you are bored, but it is a good story.
2006-09-18 11:09:16 · answer #10 · answered by shardf 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋