I was molested at the age of 5 (25 years ago) by a friend's 16 year old brother. (something I never told even to family and friends) He shoved my head down on him. Every time I'm in an intimate relationship, I always have to explain that I won't go down on him and I will when I'm ready. As hard as I try, that time never comes. Eventually they get frustrated, the intimacy is no longer there and eventually we break up. I have tried and it just disgusts me even though it comes naturally for normal people. I want to do it but I gag when I try. Has anyone ever been through something like this? What have you done that will help? It was a very long time ago but I still remember it like it was yesterday.
2006-09-18 10:50:46 · 15 answers · asked by real_sweetheart_76 5 in Health ➔ Mental Health
I have not had the experience that you had at such a tender age but I still don't like to go down on men. What you have to realize is that if a man can not understand that this is something that you don't like then he isn't worth your time. The reason being he has no respect for your feelings. Instead of telling them that at some time you might so it tell them straight up no. Then later down the road if you can it will be a big surprise and treat instead of a disappointment of possibly never coming. PS think about some counseling it may help to. Your local Rape Crisis Center will be able to help you.
2006-09-18 11:01:34 · answer #1 · answered by newspapermaker 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I want to know why everyone keeps saying "your PROBLEM" this is something that happened a long time ago...you are intimate w/o restriction accept you don't happen to enjoy putting an object in your mouth that makes you breathe through your nose and chokes you JEEEEZ that is not a problem ! it is a preference. No one needs an explanation as to why you don't do it ...EVER just say" nope that's not 4 me if its a problem see ya..." It doesn't matter how many other girls/women are willing (he says) or " love to do it " (right) It simply isn't 4 U If this guy (any guy) cares 4 U it will not matter! beware of silly individuals who try to make you think differently...and it wouldn't hurt to talk w/ a professional regarding this past molestation...if you want to! Oh and by the way you are as NORMAL as anyone else...
2006-09-18 18:39:56 · answer #2 · answered by red heads ha! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact is that there are a lot of women that do not perform oral sex... regardless of being molested in the past or not. I think it is really sweet that you feel you can share the details of why you won't, but the only thing that you should have to explain is that you don't do it, because you don't like it, and doubt you ever will. Any decent, understanding, respectful man would accept your hard limits without pushing you. Don't push yourself into doing it just to please a guy. I happen to know that there are men out there who don't even care for it anyway.
2006-09-18 18:03:01 · answer #3 · answered by live ~n~ let live 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well honey, This is a very delicate situation. Its going to be in your mind for as long as you live, I mean you can't forget something as serious that fast. I do however reccomend that you talk to a psychologist to help you get over that feeling you get every time you try to be intimate with a guy. Listen I may not know anything about sex or how its done but I do know that if you don't feel comfortable doing it then just don't. Until you feel comfortable then you should go ahead and try it again.
2006-09-18 18:00:49 · answer #4 · answered by Khat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should get help regarding the trauma you've been through and how to get over it but I don't think it's absolutely necessary that u do this in order to go down on somebody,I haven't been molested and I hate doing it and if the guy really cares about me he won't break up with me, I've had a lot of boyfriends who understood
2006-09-18 18:01:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one who has been molested as a child can get over it without therapy. Please talk to someone and help yourself to heal. And it's not too late to report your molester. Who knows how many other kids he has hurt?
By the way, oral sex is not for everyone. If a man insists although he knows you don't like it, dump him. He's an insensitve creep who's only interested in his own pleasure.
2006-09-18 17:54:34 · answer #6 · answered by notyou311 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Please tell someone about this. Get counselling, get the man sent to prison, it sounds like you need the closure. If you can't bring yourself to do that, explain to your partner that there's a very personal reason why you can't do it...A nice enough bloke should understand. Some men don't even like oral sex, maybe you'll luck out and find one.
2006-09-18 18:04:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not something that you can really do on your own. You need the help of a therapist to resolve your intimacy problem.
2006-09-18 18:02:26 · answer #8 · answered by Kainoa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you any desire to go see someone who treats this kind of problem? I think anything that deals with sex and abuse is a complicated issue for anyone. A good trauma therapist good help you through a problem like this one. I wish you luck with whatever you decide is best. Thanks for sharing your problem.
2006-09-18 18:03:25 · answer #9 · answered by mike t 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really need to tell someone about this so you can get help because if you keep hiding this you might have trouble with future relationships.
2006-09-18 17:54:52 · answer #10 · answered by Dee I 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋