My ex-husband decided that from the 2nd week of sept he did't want anything to do with our two boys who are 4 and 3. I do receive CSA (which took along time) from him but he doesnt want any involvement. The reason behind it is that, my eldest has now started primary school and I do live quite a fair way from it, which yes cost me money but its worth it as it is a good school. His excuse is that it would cost him to much money to take them there and back. But I even offered to take them to school so he will only has to pick them up.
Ive always let him before now to have them from monday afternoon to early wed afternoon (his choice because he was paying CSA) but he said that he wants them when he wants them, which is unfair to especially to them and also I don't want him to be a part time dad. To be truthful I don't think he is that bothered. Basically I like some advice I am at my wits end and because of this my eldest is lashing out at me. Which is being sorted.
2006-09-18 10:10:06 · 12 answers · asked by MAKALA A 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Sounds like you both are trying to keep sanity together for the kids but if their dad does not want to be with them as much then you cannot force it on him. If he is paying you then do what you can to follow your plans and just let it go. Explain to your oldest that his father cannot always be with him and that he can call whenever he wants. It's hard to explain these kind of things to your kids so just reassure them that they are loved very much and you will try to do what you can to make things right again. Sounds like you are one very loving and concerned mom so keep up the good work and just focus on your life with the kids and maybe their father will reevaluate his thinking soon. Just sounds like he's a selfish person so there's no use fighting him on this.
2006-09-18 10:24:24 · answer #1 · answered by peg 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to the court to have them set up a custody arrangement. As adults, the parents should talk it out. If you've sent your children to a school that is not convenient for him, it's not fair that you ask him to pick them up, since it wasn't a mutual decision. However, child support should cover at least part of the cost of sending them to the school since it only directly affects the children, not you in any way.
2006-09-18 10:16:02 · answer #2 · answered by sillylittlemen 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need a court ordered visitation schedule. ITs not fair to you or the kids that he is being a jerk. Go to your local Family Sevices office, and start the paperwork for support payments and a visitation agreement and a custody agreement. Unfortunately he's the one that is going to lose out. But if that's the way he is going to be fine...I'd rather not haev him around at all, the away your kids won't get out of control
2006-09-18 10:49:07 · answer #3 · answered by mommy_2_liam 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, sweetie, but you cannot make a man WANT to be a dad. Maybe in time he will wake up and see what he is missing. You can only make him pay support. Just love your boys enough for the both of you and they WILL understand when they get older. My boys had a monetary dad and absolutely resented him not wanting to spend time with them -- I now have wonderful grandkids and 'grandpa' doesn't care about them either. Just FYI - deadbeats are deadbeats. Good Luck.
2006-09-18 10:17:42 · answer #4 · answered by GP 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
unfortunately you need a court order and you should set limits for when visitation can happen or not such as from 7am-6pm during like the summer. to let you know child support orders and custody/visitation are two different cases. just becauses he pays or doesn't pay doesn't mean he can't visit. it will be hard but try to make the bestand don't talk about him badly in front of the children it only makes things worst.
2006-09-18 14:45:58 · answer #5 · answered by Jamie M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
take him to court and have them finalize a schedule for him. keep the schedule simple. every other weekend and one weekday a week for a few hours. If he objects, too bad. if he doesn't follow the schedule, take him back to court and reduce the amount of hours. if he still doesn't follow, reduce those hours by half. get a court order!!! don't let this man walk all over you. if he does it, your boys will see it and think this is an okay method to treat women. CSA doesn't cover visitation rights. you need to do that. your oldest will understand one day.
2006-09-18 10:45:53 · answer #6 · answered by Bella 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
first things first get your child in some type of therapy to deal with his dead beat father and secondly you can enforce visitation petition the courts to order him to spend time with his kids then if he doesn't he will face paying higher child support and/or face jail time. It sounds to me like he is afraid you may start a new life without him if you are given a chance to be without the kids. Good luck!
2006-09-18 10:17:59 · answer #7 · answered by frogbfound 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. By he wants them when he wants them, I'm assuming you mean that he decides which of his approved days he wants to take them and not just whenever he gets the idea to take them he comes and picks them up.
If he wants to take them just whenever then you have a case against him stating that the divorce decree states you get them these days and that's that.
If it's he just decides that on one of his weekends he doesn't want to take them, I don't think there is much you can do about that.
Unfortunately right now your child is lashing out. But as he gets older, you child will see his father for what he is. Just remember not to bash your ex in front of your children and when your eldest is angry because he can't see his father. You can calmly say "I know you're sad and miss your father and want to see him, but that's not possible right now, but guess what... I'm here and I love spending time with you as much as I can, is there a game you want to play, or a puzzle you want to put together with mommy?" Or something to that nature.
My mother never bashed my father, and I treated her very poorly growing up because my father always bashed her. He'd forget to pick me up on his weekends. Now as an adult, my mother and I are the best of friends, and I want nothing to do with my father. Who loses in the end?
2006-09-18 10:17:01 · answer #8 · answered by Heather S 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
its not fair on the kids if he is only a father now and again it unsettles them. he needs to have an established routine and if he doesnt stick to it then i wouldnt allow access. if he really wants to see them then he can go to court but by the sounds of it he will not even bother. the boys do not need a dead beat dad in their lives.
2006-09-18 10:14:49 · answer #9 · answered by A G 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think that even tho he pays child support he needs to go to parenting classes what a f in jerk he is. Fill in the blanks. He sounds like a dead beat sperm donor. You need to ge to an attourny and get sole custody. talk to an attourny. He just sounds like a looser.
2006-09-18 10:16:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋