He has been abusive and just today calls me a f--------sl-- and tells me he hopes i die a slow and painful death someday. I have been to helel and back with him. Had him in the hospital for 6 months for his problem (bi-polar,adhd,odd). I just can't seem to let go even though I want to. Help Please so smart-a-- comments
2006-09-18 09:54:10 · 19 answers · asked by confused/hurt/angry 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
he is only 14
2006-09-18 09:58:09 · update #1
I really appreciate alll the answers I have recieved. They have really made me think about alot of things. Yes, he is seeing a psy. for meds, he has a counselor and case management worker and a probation officer. I am doing all the things the hospital told me to do when I got him home. He seems to only have gotten smarter when he was in the hospital and tries to do the things he does when it is only me or my 13 yr old dau around. But after reading the posts I realize I can continue to love him but just find a way to let go of the situation, and learn to be strong.I just got to figure out how to do that. thank u all so much
2006-09-18 12:01:44 · update #2
You can't .. I watched my mom go through this everyday with my youngest brother ... he hates both my parents .. blames everything on everyone else but himself ... drugs alcohol ... in & out of jail ... makes people feel guilty for not loving him but at the same time he pushes their love away .. it sucks .. I think he's bi-polar & adhd .. something very wrong with the way he thinks and we're just not sure how to change him ... !
The only thing that I tell my mom .. is that she did her best .. he's choosing to live like that .. he has to figure out what he needs in life ... there's nothing she can do to change the way he thinks ... and just know that she did nothing wrong ... you can't help somebody that doesn't want to be helped ... !
I know how you feel .. and I'm sorry ... but sometimes people need to grow on their own for awhile until they're ready to be loving caring members of society .. my mom tried homes, judges sent him to camps .. and nothing has worked .. my brother is 21 ... not sure how old your son is but ... good luck and hope things work out.
2006-09-18 10:07:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but love for a child is built in, and you can't turn it off and on. It just is, and that's all there is to it.
If your son has so many problems, it's possible he shouldn't be living with you. The kindest thing you can do is ensure that he's somewhere that his problems can be looked after and dealt with properly. There are group homes for bi-polar, adhd, etc. and their supervisors are trained to recognize symptoms of outbreaks before they happen and deal with them before things reach a critical point. That's something you aren't trained to do and don't have the dispassionate approach to even try.
If you truly love your son, find him a place to live away from you. Visit at intervals, help however you can, but don't expect someone with that set of problems to live at home and be your sweet little boy. Because it isn't going to happen.
Sorry -- this isn't what you want to hear, but it's what you should know.
2006-09-18 09:59:45 · answer #2 · answered by old lady 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I purely have a son, so i'm no longer incredibly qualified to assert. i be responsive to that i'd additionally lay down my life for him, and there's a bond there that i'm no longer able to think of having with all of us else. I form of needed a woman, yet I see my sister together with her daughters and that i understand a form of a distinctive closeness. i'm no longer able to placed it into words the two, bc i'm no longer in her shoes. there's a protectiveness I actual have around my boy that I see expressed in a distinctive way together with her and her women. and that i'm so so happy now that I actual have my son, and that i had no longer purely a boy, yet this boy. i don't be responsive to, and that i haven't any theory how many mothers available have this sense. those are my strategies to share. Ciao, female Morgana
2016-10-01 03:01:19 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can relate to your problem of living and loving someone with bipolar disorder. It is true that as a mother there is nothing your child can say or do that will make you love him less.
That said, it is important that he beings to realize that he needs to help himself. As hard as it may be for you, you need to continue his treatment. What advice were you given after the hospitalization? Is he seeing a regular physician and counselor regularly? This would help him get a better grip on his situation and deal with it better.
If he is not willing to help himself, you will have to wait until he is. He is the only one who can help himself.
For yourself, I hope you are also seeing a counsellor who can make you realize you are doing what you can and this is not your fault.
Good luck to you.
2006-09-18 10:44:42 · answer #4 · answered by happywhereIam 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The things he said are very hurtful, but as you know, he has a lot of issues going on inside his head. If your afraid for him or yourself, you need to have him committed in a hospital that deals with the above issues. As far as letting your love go, don't, even though he is so hateful to you, you may be the only one he's got that cares about him. Good Luck.
2006-09-18 09:59:53 · answer #5 · answered by loser 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you may want to make an appointment with a psycologist/counselor for him. Have him go to anger management classes...self control classes...self respect/respect classes..and so on. Trust me...sending him to one class and a psycologist/counselor SHOULD work. Force himt o start writing in a diary everyday too. (if he doesnt listen..have his psycologist or counselor or class teacher assign it to him)
if any older than 16...
love him..dont stop loving him...but stay away from him as much as u can when hes 'hyper'...however, when he needs some1 by his side..dont hesittate to be there...give him love and show him that no matter how much he hurts you..ur always there..it may fix him up a little more
just ignore his words, dont take things too personally, and learn to let go..ik words hurt but sumtimes we need to learn to shrug them off even it comes from our own blood.
2006-09-18 09:57:07 · answer #6 · answered by Lina 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You cant let go of the love you have for your son. he has a mental problam, my brother is bipolar manic depressive, and we have been through alot with him too. is he on meds.? if so is he taking them? If he is and he still has these problams then maybe you should put him some where to get the help he needs. I'll pray for you I know what you are going through.
2006-09-18 11:04:43 · answer #7 · answered by breezy3835010 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't. Plain and simple. Just hang on and keep loving him in any way you can. It is built in the day he is born, you will love him and care for him until the day you die. Try to remember it's the disease talking - i know it's harsh to hear, but from growing up with something similar in the family - it is the disease talking - with proper treatment, it can be controlled. Hang in there and be strong, not only for you but for him also.
Take care!
2006-09-18 10:22:12 · answer #8 · answered by Weasel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to stop loving him, or let go of your love for him. You don't have to put up with his bs though. Tell him you love him, but until he can grow up and act like an adult and treat you with a little respect, then you would rather not talk to him. Let him know that you will always love him, would do anything for him, but he's being rude, and you don't have to put up with it. Good Luck.
2006-09-18 09:57:16 · answer #9 · answered by Becky 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Mom, you have to start with you. I don't know if you know the Lord, but you need to PRAY, PRAY, PRAY and PRAY SOME MORE! Pray for you and your son, that he be delivered from this.
Also, continue to get therapy for him and get some for you, too. Try getting into a supportive network at a church and also with parents going through similar ordeals. You have a lot on your plate.
2006-09-18 10:09:51 · answer #10 · answered by pearl101 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋