Is it only me?

Question

Is it only me who feels uncomfortable in "parents and toddler groups" and they are always so clicky? or maybe because I look different and foreigner?? Does anybody feel the same way I do??

Answer 1

I totally feel the same way. My daughter started JK last year. It felt like highschool all over again. It's not just you. I became good friends with one of the other mothers and she feels the same. She hosts and attends quite a few playdates with them all, but at times when we get to the school, they form their own little group and practically don't even acknowledge she's there. My daughter seems to be left out of birthday parties and everything, and I feel sometimes that she's being punished because I am unable to go to these playdates because I work night shift and need to sleep when these take place. Try not to let it bother you too much. Soon they probably will all stop talking at one point or another. Believe me I've seen it and I've only known them for a year!

Answer 2

It is not just you. I feel the same way and dont feel like I fit in. Some of these parents have been friends for a long time and dont let other people in and are very clicky. Sometimes I try to talk to these other parents and just feel that I have nothing in common with them and really dont want to get to know them? I try to avoid this situation at all costs. I even had my husband take my daugher to the parent toddler swim class this summer (I did not feel too bad about this since I am very pregnant and did not want to stress myself and have to worry about chasing her around in my condition). I am not sure if I understand you, but I assume you are new to this country? I cant believe that people keep you out because you look different? I am hoping that things will change when my daugher starts pre school and starts making friends maybe I will meet other parents that I have things in common with. I do sometimes feel that the situation is all my fault and wish it was as easy making new friends in a group as it was when I was a kid.

Answer 3

I am sorry that you have had a bad experience in going to a parent and toddler group. Have your tried contacting Pre -school playgroup Association to find out if there are others in your area that may not be so clicky or go to your local library and they will have a list of local groups. Most health Centres also will have groups either in them or advertise them.
They should be all multi cultural and have guidelines and policies since the changing of the Children Act .There should also be someone qualified within the group.
You do not have to move of course perhaps once you get used to it and talk to more people you will feel better.

Answer 4

Trust me, Im a parent and a former nursery owner. It can be horrendous! You are definitely not alone. But wait until you experience the PTA. (parent teacher asssociation - sometimes called friends of the school) My god those women are like strutting peahens! I agree that these women probably 'thought' they were the cool kids at school. They know everything, everybody and have an opinion thats none of your business - they talk in hushed voices when you're a little way away from them and loud voices when you're near them! My advice? Form your own 'clique' and start a vile rumour abour one of them!! hahaha - no dont - thats mean........ Try and strike up a friendship with another parent in the park,cafe or shops. Youd be surprised how many of us there are who are nice xxx best wishes to you x

Answer 5

I went to one and found it the same, i think maybe because i was at least 8 years younger than most of them didnt help, at the time i was 21 and my son 2, i live in a small village where some of the mums ive known since i was tiny, yet they get with the more upper class newer villagers and made em feel terrible. I never went again.

Answer 6

I avoid playgroups. The concept is the same to me as a 'planned community' - where only certain types of people and behaviour are tolerated. Why open yourself to unwanted scrutiny from other 'parenting experts' in the group - and force your child to play with kids that they may not naturally be compatible with?

Planned play dates takes the fun and spontaneity out of being a kid. Take them to the park or to the zoo instead.

Answer 7

From everything I've ever heard about them, it's like High School all over again, only this time, some of the unpopular girls run the clicks, and they are BITTER. Or it's the former cheerleaders that refuse to grow up and move on. Either way, I have heard nothing good about them.

Answer 8

I have seen some cliquey playgroups. I don't think they mean to be, but when you find some friends that are going through the same thing as you, you tend to group together and sometimes exclude people. I would either give them a chance to get to know you, or find a group you feel more accepted in. It is important for you and your kids to have friends you are comfortable around.

Answer 9

They are very clicky! I dislike going to them because I just sit there with my boyfriend and feel awkward and uncomfortable. It's not just you, I promise.

Answer 10

I do not like to go to them, just because i am a younger mother. I feel like its a relief society thing. They are very clicky, and you have to find one that fits you. I just gave up and have play dates, and go to the park. I have actually made more Friends this way, and mothers will come up to you.