What do you think about a father working 2 jobs so his wife can stay at home?

Question

I read an answer on Y! A that got me thinking.

What do you think about a father who has a child, and he works 2 jobs so his wife can be a stay at home mother?

He would never see his child, what good is that?

Yeah the kid has his mother home all day with him, but then he doesn’t even know his own father!

Wouldn’t it be better if the parents work 40 hours each outside the home, and spend all of their free time with their child?

Then the child would know BOTH parents!

I personally think its hypocritical to say that a child needs his MOTHER at home, but then to have the father never home.

Some fathers are 10x better parents then mothers.

Children need a father just as much as they need a mother!

If you don’t believe me then go to a strip club, most of those women never had their fathers around!

My husband could work 80 hours a week so I could stay home, but then he would miss out on being a father and our marriage would be affected.

What do you think?

*This question isn't about me. This question is in regards to another person on Y!A!!*

Answer 1

The father in your question could be my father. He went to work at 4:00 am. and got home at 9:00 pm. There were times I only saw him briefly on the weekends because he was so tired he was always asleep, plus he was grouchy and it seemed I always made him mad. He was so distant he was honestly like a stranger that came to our house on weekends. I remember I used to cry when I had to sit behind in the car, because I thought he hated me. There were times that I would ask Mom who he was. I played baseball from 8 yr old to 18 and he only saw 2 games.

He provided for us, but the cost was WAY to much. When I was 20, I asked him why he worked so much. He asked me "Didn't you have a good childhood with all you had and all I was able to give you?" It was the first time I every cussed in front of him. I said "What the hell are you talking about? All I ever wanted was you. I could have done without all the stuff." I'd never seen him cry till then. I'm 41 now, and he has told me over and over and over what a mistake he made.

PS. I'm a stay at home dad for my 4 sons. My wife works 7-5 at a great job. I've learned from my dad.....

Answer 2

Is this a question of is the man being “less of a man” by having his wife work when he should be the provider or the man just not allowing the wife to go and get a job? There are many men out there who believe – whether it is a noble cause of being the tradition provider of the family or a far less noble cause of just wanting the woman to serve the “at home” needs of the family….

Let me preface this to saying that I do not have kids. But I have thought very hard about this issue mostly because we live in a different society and world than the generation 30+ years earlier than us.

Here is how I was raised by what I feel are what as looked at by society as traditional values. The father works as many jobs as it takes to make ends meet and the mother stayed home with the kids and did the house work. There are people my age (30s) who still believe this is the best and only way to raise a family – not to mention people, like my mother, of my parent’s generation who still look down on people who stray from the tradition values – “…Why doesn’t she be a good mother and stay home with the kids…” or “…why does he allow wife to get a job when he should be taking care of his family…”

To me, this traditional family thinking is complete BS is today’s world. There is a part of me that thinks that it – if it were an option to have a parent (mother or father) to stay home with the kids 100%...But the parent who stays home also needs to get out and have some adult responsibilities of a job for many reasons: the sense of contribution, real-world adult interaction, and not to mention a career because you never know what tomorrow may throw at you – death of the “breadwinner”, divorce, injury, etc.

I know there are financial reasons that make it logical for the father to work a second job over the mother getting a job. But don’t let the traditional look at the family members roles and responsibilities deter you to take a job and have your husband stay home in the evening with the kids while you work…or even, you take a job while your husband is working which may require day care for the kids (and this would only make sense if the finances are logical). I know there are many out there, who have bad ideas about day care, but at least both parents would be around in the evening and you can have more time to interact as a family.

Answer 3

I think it all depends on how long he is gone from home. Is he working 2 full-time jobs, or a full-time and part-time one? If it's part-time, he may be away from the home more than if he worked 40 hours, but there are many guys out there with one full-time job that are gone for more than 60 hours. Some dads do come home and just watch sports on TV the whole time leaving mom all the work. Is that any better? I think that as long as the dad values the time spent with the kids, then it's up to the family to decide what works for them. It's better that the kids spend a lot of time with one parent, then barely any time with either. I'm sure that won't be the situation forever. As soon as the kid goes to school the mom can always get a job again. Also, I'm sure the family does stuff on weekends and holidays. Does that mean that army families are no good because the husbands get shipped out?

Answer 4

I feel it's whatever works for that family. Why do they need income from two jobs? Big house, nice cars, etc.?

I know of people where the Mom stayed at home and the Dad worked a full-time and a part-time job. In that situation he made sure he spent time with the family when he wasn't working.

I know of people where both parents work. Even then it's hard to spend quality time with the children, because all the household chores, etc., then fall to the evenings or weekends.

Personally, I've worked. It was my choice to work. However, in hindsight, I see that my daughter would have been better off if I had stayed at home - although we did need more income that my husband's salary.

It's never an easy decision. It's nice to have things and to give opportunities to your children that maybe we didn't have, but each family has to weigh what they consider more important, and then follow through on their decisions. I won't say what's best for someone else, because I don't live their life - they do. :)

Answer 5

I believe this is a matter of personal choice. Yes the child needs both parents. Perhaps the dad does not want to be at home with the kids. For whatever reason. There are many reasons. Maybe that was their agreement before they had children. It is too hard to say one way or the other. At any case it is their choice as it is your choice to have both parents involved in the child's life. It is a little strange but it works for them. I couldn't do it by myself. I welcome the break when my husband come home. I took on a part time job in the evenings just so I can get out and talk to people above the height of 4 feet. Plus the extra income helps. It makes me a better parent to have a break and it helps me to feel as though I'm contributing financially. Some people would say I'm crazy. But who cares. This is my family and I make the rules and nobody can really tell me one way or the other. It is utimately me and my family who will have consequences if I fail or succeed. Nobody else.

Answer 6

Well if the 2nd job is a part time job that results in as much cash coming into the house as the mother would get working 40 hours then I see the monetary logic in it. My 4 cousins live with both parents. Their father works a 40 hr week and on top of that has a part time job delivering milk. The sons get to go on the milk truck with their dad (I like to think its because they are older but its probably a little sexism in there too lol), and he has plenty of time at the weekend to take them to soccer and ballet and for fishing trips. They have a balanced life and the mother doesn't need to work for $8 an hour as a waitress.

Answer 7

If that is what both parties decided would be best then go for it. My husband has offered to do it too, but as stated it is not fair they miss out on too much. School activities, sports, growing and everyday lives of the kids. I have been lucky enough to be home, but if all you r kids are in school there is no reason a mother can't find parttime work if money is tight instead of him doing it all.Get a job with the school then you are working while they are in school and off when they are. I worked nights for years just to make sure things were ok As mothers it is our job to make sure everything goes well, and not wanting to ever work is not fair allot of kids are gonna grow up not knowing how to be wonderful fathers due to the fact theirs didn't have time to be there and show them how. Fathers are very important members of a family whether they live with you or not.

Answer 8

That is such a tough choice to make. If my husband could not support our family working one job I would feel quite guilty having him work a second job so I could stay home. I would most likely get a job even though it would kill me to put my kids in daycare. I just fear they wont get the personal attention they need in daycare but the care is probably acceptable. And there is nothing wrong with a stay at home dad. If mom has better income potential than dad then great. If I made more than my husband I would have no problem with him staying home. My husband is a great dad and know my child would be in good hands. I guess you have to see what you both feel is best for your family.

Answer 9

I think until it has happened to you, you shouldn't judge!! When my husband and I got together, we talked about when we had kids, his mom had to work, and he felt that if she would have been home he would have had a better childhood, the same with me. We both decided that ONE of us would stay home with our children. Because his job pays better, he works, but what is the difference if he is working one job for 80 hours, or two. My husband is paid salary, so it doesn't matter how many hours he puts in, what ever they need him for he has to do. My husband works one job, about 45 hours a week, but before we moved he was the GM of a restaurant, and worked about 120 hours a week!His job right before this one he was the manager of a retail store, and wasn't allowed to have more than two others working, one full time and one part time, so he was working about 80 hours a week, and we still got to spend time together as a family.
I agree that the children need both parents, but what if the mother can not find a job? there are too many factors that go in to this, and each situation is different.

Answer 10

it depends on every relationship. Some mothers are stay at home because "thats the way it has been for years" but there are alot of great stay at home dads. I stay at home right now because I am pregnant, and was told to go on bed rest. Due to three past miscarrages. But I used to work two jobs while my hubby did the stay at home thing, and went to school at night. Alot of dads do work two jobs. The main reason for that is minimum wage sucks. They do not make enough money to pay the bills. I think a dad or mom who does this is very responsible. But ya it does take away from time with the kids. But someone has to take care of the house. Most fathers would rather work vs. take care of trhe kids full time.