i have been with my fiance for a year and a half. we have a great relationship and i have no complaints about him. but i tend to overly focus on his past. i do not understand why i do this, i just do. i keep asking questions about girls he dated and how far he went in the physical department with them, then i just feel hurt and angry with him after he tells me. its stupid, i know. he is tired of me asking so he doesnt answer me anymore, which i know is a good thing. i want to stop, i know this will be a terrible way to start a marriage. i trully love him with all my heart, but i cant get this stuff out of my head. how do i stop? i know everyone has a past and our relationship should not be determined by this, but i just dont know what to do. HELP!?!?
2006-09-18 08:24:58 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Thank you so much to everyone that already answered. I really appreciate the advice and am starting to feel better. and to answer some of your questions, i have been like this with other guys. My fiance is so great, i love him alot and i know he loves me, sometimes i think i do this because im scared of being hurt by another guy. i guess other guys i dated, the past came back to haunt us, but it didnt destroy us. i guess i need to realize that.
2006-09-19 03:00:30 · update #1
The past is called the past for a reason. Focus on the FUTURE. IF you focus on the past it will bite you in the ***
2006-09-18 08:27:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
1. As far as his sexual history, you have every right to know — i.e. STDs.
2. As far as sacred relationship jokes, teasing, etc. — it's none of your business unless he offers details.
3. Did he ever cheat on a girlfriend, would be good to know. It would be hard to find out at this point because he has stopped communicating with you about his past.
4. If you are having jealous anxiety, you must put that aside, unless you have grounds to feel that way. The others weren't 'it' and you are, so be careful not to sabotage the relationship with ghosts that don't exist.
5. But, once a man has stopped communicating with you, and isn't intelligent enough to recognize that you have difficulty in this area, and need his gentle reassurance, then move on. It means he doesn't care, or can't be bothered.
6. People don't change. I can't think of anything worse than being with someone who ignores you and takes your concerns lightly. If it's a real problem, he should be trying to get you help to get past it, and stand by you. What if you had a stroke? Would he be there for you?
7. All kinds of bugagoos come out from past experiences. But also, don't forget that old saying "Just because your paranoid doesn't someone isn't out to get you." Some people rather than owning up to past actions will try to turn it around on you.
8. You have to decide if he's worth it for the long haul, and you must be ruthless with examining your feelings to determine if they are rational.
Good luck and warm regards.
2006-09-18 08:48:06 · answer #2 · answered by mitch 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
liz or who ever you are. you are not with the person from the past that person and what he or she did in the past has already happened.
let it go. what has happened has happened. I had the same problem with an x of mine and i wish i would not have done it but that is just the way of things. that does not mean you shouldnt stop it means get over it or leave or you may set fire to what you are creating.
"quit destroying and learn to build.
you need to ask your self why are you asking and try to write it down all the reason then ask yourself why is this important. then answer may in ways lead back to you and that is the important thing.
once you find the answer you must face it and understand why you are doing it.
you may have an unsettled issue when it comes to yourself or guys in general.
him not answering you can be a good or bad thing you want someone that can communicate with you not just leave you to yourself when you ask a question whether or not you consider it stupid.
have a conversation about, discuss the matter. of course things will not fix themselve in most cases in one day it may take some time. however you must search yourself and confront yourself as to why you ask these questions.
2006-09-18 08:38:37 · answer #3 · answered by concrete water 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
just focus on the two of you and not care what he did back then. He is with you now and he isn't the same person he was in the past. Try thinking that you have a past too, and he might not like things you did. You can't change anything so why bring it up and get mad. He cant do anything about it. This will destroy your relationship if you don't stop. Think of him as your man not "that" man.
2006-09-18 08:31:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I understand that the past can sometimes be hard to forget. Something that might help you let go of it a little easier is remembering that despite everything in his past, and in yours, he wants to focus on building his future with you. I know that you'll probably still want to know about things that have already happened, so what you should do is let him decide what you need to know and what you don't need to know. What I think you should do is say to him "Is there anything important that has happened in your past, that you think I should know about. I don't want anything to disrupt our relationship from being as perfect as it already is, so if there's something you need to tell me than I'm here to listen to it and move on from it." If you say it to him in that way, then it shows that you trust him. Be sure to include that he should feel free to ask you the same questions you're asking him. He won't feel so annoyed by your questions then, and if there is anything worth knowing, he'll tell you. Good Luck!!! Hope I answered your question!
2006-09-18 08:37:04 · answer #5 · answered by Jillian D 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why are you so worried about his past? Will he be your first for you? There is other things your not telling us. How can we help you if your not telling us the whole story? Everyone has skeletons in their closet and most of us want them to stay there. Stop acting this way or your going to ruin a good thing. Are you scared of marriage maybe this is a part of cold feet? Who knows? You are the only one that can stop this behavior. Find out whats really bothering you and talk to your fiance about it. Good Luck!
2006-09-18 08:30:44 · answer #6 · answered by aimstir31 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Hispluv, i do no longer see a dating right here. I see a woman getting used by a egocentric guy. He would not have a activity - yet he continuously has issues to do? Like what? He instructed YOU to bypass to the shop - so he could desire to bake, after which you cooked it? His great aunt died, you instructed him, and he blew it off? What approximately being there for his kinfolk? Frankly - the place is the dating? the place are your fiance's emotions and compassion for different human beings? there's a clarification why you probably did no longer tell him what replaced into incorrect whilst he asked. He already knew what it replaced into - his asking replaced into purely a undertaking to you. impressive? He is conscious what he's doing. "Ranger"
2016-10-17 05:30:27 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, is it more important to you to NAG your spouse about his past or to BE HAPPY that he chose you to marry? Nothing is gained from interrogating your partner about their past. Everything you need to know about his past was answered when he said, "I DO."
You need to take a long, hard look at yourself and understand what emotional reward you get from tormenting your husband and yourself over his past history. Because if you think you feel lousy now, when you finally drive him to DIVORCE YOU because of your incessant NAGGING, how much worse do you think you will feel then?
If your husband didn't love you and want to spend his life with you, he'd still be out doing whatever he did in the past. But he chose you. And if that doesn't count for much in your opinion, then he certainly deserves BETTER than what he has apparently gotten.
2006-09-18 08:45:49 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Im sure he is the best thing that has happened to you and vice versa. When he had a 'past' he didn't know who you were, you were non existant during that time period, so it's unfair to get mad at him. I'm sure that you have a past also and wouldn't it be bad if he got mad at the things you had done? Try to talk it out with him instead of getting mad and realize he isn't doing those things now. Good luck
2006-09-18 08:39:50 · answer #9 · answered by Maria 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It sounds to me like you have trust issues. Either with him or with somebody from your past. Were you hurt or cheated on before and you think that he will go back to somebody he was with before you?
Its really hard to deal with trust issues, but I suggest you sort this out before you get married or there will be a divorce shortly after. I am sure with enough questions you ask, he is going to get tired of it.
I was the same way with my ex. Always snooping, asking questions, looking through his draws. You name it. I did not trust him and he did not cheat on me as far as I knew then. That went of for 12 years. We even got married in that time, but we are now divorced. He finally cheated afterall. And I found out that some of my previous instincts were right.
2006-09-18 08:32:16 · answer #10 · answered by jam_psb 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your stressing too much about stuff that happened when you weren't around! That's just wrong because if you have a nice relationship, this might end up destroying it. Just think about from the day you met and on! Why make problems when its not necessary! Take it easy and good luck!
2006-09-18 08:30:19 · answer #11 · answered by xSilverStarx 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋