a friend - a guy - is getting married. His girlfriend and I became friends but not super close. she has has me to be a bridesmaid at her wedding. I agreed but not sure why really. the wedding would require me to travel across the country plus pay for dresses (two of them as there are two ceremonies). I am doubting that I want to do this financially plus it would mean at least one day out of work
2006-09-18 08:01:41 · 32 answers · asked by sweetietw 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I would just tell her that while you are honored she asked, financially you can not do it. If she is a true friend she will understand. Being a bridesmaid costs a ton of money.
2006-09-18 08:04:39 · answer #1 · answered by cmp8423 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
There are many factors that come into play with refusing a commitment you had already accepted.
First, How far off is the ceremony and how long ago did you accept the duties?
Second, Are you the maid of honor? or just a bridesmaid?
If the ceremony is 9-12 months away yet then you should be able to give her notice (and be honest with her, dont lie and say you cant get off of work) If you accepted the duty very recently than all the better, you can tell her you reviewed your budget and cannot afford to pay for the required items and that your flattered she asked you and you appreciate it.
If you are the maid of honor however that changes everything as you would be expected to be her "right hand". You agreed and you should not expect to back out of an agreement of that latitude.
Wedding stress is hard enough, though, so if you would be making her more miserable by being a disgruntled bridesmaid better to leave it all together and take the fallout as it happens.
2006-09-18 10:19:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly it is VERY WRONG to back out of being a bridesmaid. Surely you knew when she asked you that you weren't that close. If you're planning on attending the wedding anyways, there really doesn't seem to be any extra cost for you to be a bridesmaid-you would have to travel across the country anyway to get to the wedding, you would have to take time off of work anyway, and you should know when you are being asked to be bridesmaid that you are expected to buy a dress. Now 2 dresses sounds like a lot but if the dresses are cheap or if you're not paying for a bridal shower, then I think it's reasonable. You don't say that you can't pay just that you don't want to. If money is really the problem then discuss it with them; otherwise know that being a bridesmaid requires you to spend some money.
She won't forgive you for dropping out of the wedding. You're only going to cause her more stress and you're probably going to lose a good friend out of it.
2006-09-20 15:55:33 · answer #3 · answered by newjerseygirl 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, I don't think it is wrong to back out. I suggest you do this ASAP, though. Don't delay as it will only make it worse. Just let the bride know that you are honored to have been asked and you would truly love to be in the wedding, but it's a bit cost-prohibitive right now and you don't feel like you could contribute your time and energy to the wedding - at least not to the capacity that you feel is right. That's a lot to ask of someone (to travel cross country and purchase 2 dresses, plus take time out from work).
2006-09-18 08:22:11 · answer #4 · answered by PT&L 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Tell them you can't get the time off from work AND you can't afford it. I've never heard of requiring attendants to buy two gowns, that's totally out of control, one is expensive enough. It doesn't matter if there are two ceremonies, one dress is plenty for a bridesmaid to have to pay for. I definitely wouldn't be in this wedding, you'll be in the poor house.
2006-09-18 11:05:14 · answer #5 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's ok to back out, but only if the bride will still have enough time to ask someone else. If you're backing out last minute (say less than a month or two before the wedding), that doesn't seem right. If you do back out, you should let her know you are very honored to be asked, but that you realized it will be too difficult for you to take a day off work.
2006-09-18 08:14:23 · answer #6 · answered by m c 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
yikes! Whatever you do, tell her NOW!!! Tell her you can afford it, tel her you can't get off work, tell her your going to Thailand for a surgery... just tell her now so she can prepare or ask someone else. It's hard, but sometimes we just need to SAY NO up front. Don't be surprised if they are pissed.... my best friend from middle (I am 29 now) school who end up being a worthless hoebag.... had this HUGE second wedding and I couldn't afford to be in it. She was not very understanding and was pissed that I couldn't blow thousand of dollars on her second marriage... yes I was in the first one too!! And we haven't spoken since. Moral of the story- if they are both real and good true friends- they will get over it!!
2006-09-18 08:52:38 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If the wedding is still several months off, then it's OK to drop out. That will give her an opportunity to pick someone else.
My wife's sister was supposed to be her maid-of-honor. They had a fight on our wedding day and the sister stormed out. Luckily, another friend was there and could wear the dress, so she still had a full set of attendants.
2006-09-18 08:15:59 · answer #8 · answered by SPLATT 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No it's not wrong. Just give her plenty of time to replace you.
If you can't fulfill your duties (helping with pre-wedding tasks; purchasing own wedding attire; helping throw a shower for the bride and attend all parties related to the wedding) you should recuse yourself. What would be wrong would be to say you'll do it, but not have the time, money, or real desire to do it.
In my opinion, bridesmaids should really be people who know and support the bride and her marriage vows. Not knowing a person very well, or beign a casual friend should exlcude them from being asked.
2006-09-18 08:08:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Its not wrong as long as both of them know its not that you wouldnt want to be there but the whole money thing is just making it not work. Make it so they understand that, tell them flat out I really dont have the money, i thought i would but I looked over it and theres just no way i can, and that your truly sorry for doing to them, and wish you could but theres just no way. I am sure if they are truly your friend than they would understand this. Make sure you act now though, because the longer you wait the more they wont have time you replace you.
2006-09-18 08:05:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Our bridesmaids dropped like flies. His sister backed out, then I asked someone my brother was dating at the time who bragged that she was in absolutley everyone's wedding. She initially agreed, but dropped out later. I finally asked an old friend from highschool, and she was delighted. This bride probably has someone simular in her world, and if you give her enough notice, it would most likely work out for the better.
2006-09-18 11:02:21 · answer #11 · answered by Gabby_Gabby_Purrsalot 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋