My 12 year old son keeps wetting the bed and I can't get him to stop!?

Question

I just don't get it. The doctor said it's nothing physically wrong with him. I've grounded him and cut him off from friends, still no change. I spank him after each night he pisses the bed, and that doesn't help. I make him wear those diapers to bed and all he does is wet those like a toddler.

I've tried everything! I even put his little sister (10 years old) in charge of him when I leave to go on a date or whatever for a night and make her his babysitter since he's obviously not ready to grow up. Nothing works! He's not mentally retarded, and like I said the doctor said nothing is physically wrong with him.

I'm considering forcing him to wear diapers and not being allowed to use the toilet at home (at school in normal clothes of course) as a punishment to teach him a lesson if he wants to act like a little baby at night.

Good idea? Bad idea? Suggestions? I just can't figure out what other type of punishment would help, nothing has to this point and frankly I'm fed up.

He hasn't always wet the bed, he started when he was about 9. His mom died when he was 5, so it's not related to that.

Answer 1

Listen up....

1) about 3 to 5% of 12 year olds wet at night. They would choose to be dry if they could. It generally is nothing "physically" wrong with your child. It is a delay in developing the brain bladder connection as we say. Withholding fluids, punishment, wearing diapers, etc is NOT the answer.

Get a bedwetting alarm from a reputable company (e.g. Malem alarm) and use it as intended. This will help most children learn how to recognize the signal from their bladder at night. All children that wet are very deep sleepers - so they may not hear the alarm at first (they need assistance). Stick with it. You will be happy you did it.

Again, get a bedwetting alarm - read information from some reputable web sites such as Kids Health, the Bedwetting Store, Waking Up Dry, etc.

Do It and stick with it. He'll be dry in about 10 weeks with the alarm.

Answer 2

Your son is so going to hate you. Spanking him and embarrassing him and telling him he is not ready to grow up because he wets to bed is NOT the answer. There is always a problem there, you just got to take the time to find it. Some kids are "deep sleepers" and therefor they don't wake up so they don't know they have we to bed till they wake up. Maybe getting one of those things that will wake him up in the middle of the night when he needs to use the restroom.
Don't give him anything to drink after 5 P.M. that will help a lot. Don't give up on your son and start showing him some respect. Beating him and embarrassing him is not going to solve anything but cause more problems. Your ideal to make him wear diapers and not be allowed to use the toilet at home, that is child abuse and sick. I can't even believe you would think of doing that. You sound like you could use some parenting classes. There is a reason why your son still wets to bed even if its cause he is a deep sleeper therefor he pees while he is sleeping and don't know it.
You need to stop the abuse NOW and be a parent! Take some parenting classes if needed to be they will do you some good. You son will NOT forget how you have been treating you and my guess it you will never be forgiven for it neither.

Answer 3

Your son obviously has a problem, if it isn't physical it might be emotional. Spanking him and punishing him will not do any good. Putting his 10 year old sister in charge is not a good idea either. Forcing him to wear diapers and not allowing him to use the toilet would be child abuse. You don't mention if he has always wet the bed or if this is new. He could have been molested. I think you and your son need some serious counseling. You need to take some parenting classes. I hope you will stop trying to humiliate your son just because he is an inconvenience to you.

Answer 4

First off you need to calm yourself down and back off. You are way overboard on this.

Give him a break. Have you sat down with him and talked with him to find out what is going on in his life? Is he going through a lot of stress at school or something like that? There must be something that is behind all this.

I would almost bet that this isn't being done deliberately. I was 13 before I quit wetting the bed so it isn't abnormal for a boy his age to be wetting the bed for some reason.

Maybe you should try to be an understanding father instead of a disciplinarian. The old saying you can catch more flies with sugar than you can with vinegar. Apply that here and see what comes of it.

You say the doctor told you there is nothing wrong with him. What kind of doctor did you take him to? You need to get him to a urologist who specializes in pediatrics. His bladder may not be fully developed, again, that isn't unusual at that age, especially in boys, who develop slower than girls in that area.

Stop trying to look for a punishment and start looking for a cause or reason for it happening. Are you paying enough attention to him? Belittling him by putting his younger sister in charge of him isn't going to help, he's going to figure if he's going to get into trouble anyway then why try.

Have you cut down on his fluid intake in the evening before bed? Have you put a plastic sheet on the bed to protect the matress? Have to tried celecbrating if he makes it through a night without getting wet or wetting very little? All these things are supportive things to help him work through this. If he is being stressed somewhere else and that is the cause, all you are doing is adding to that stress and making things worse.

Think about it, take a step back, count to 10 and start over on a different foot.

Good luck to both of you.

Answer 5

Im 28 and have been in diapers since five for medical reasons....so basically what your saying is that people like me, and your son deserve to be punished for something that they have no control over......I wish someone would punish you for having a female period, then youd see what it felt like. Periods have nothing to do with being a "baby" nor does bedwetting...It's not his fault, and your making things 100 times worse for him than they should be..His body is outgrowing his bladder and he can't help it. You stated that he's not mentally retarded,,,,I suspect however that if he doesn't get away from you, he will be eventually, as you are obviously mentally retarded and have no business whatsoever raising or even being around children...Putting his little sister in charge of him is degrading and with your intent, is child abuse....Personally I hope you do make him wear diapers because then someone is bound to find out!! When that happens, CPS will put him in a home where he can be appreciated for the good little man that he is and not humiliated as a helpless baby, which he is not. Finally, pull your head out of your butt and treat this child the way you would want to be treated.....at 28 years old, i deal with the consequences of my abuse as a child and can't imagine why people like you want others to go through it....

Answer 6

Just take my advise i will be non-judgmental The boy might be missing his mother and seeking attention from you. Some children wet the bed because they have nightmares the best course of action is to not allow him to have anything to drink 3hours before bed and make him use the bathroom even if he says he does not feel like he has to go. Do it right before bed spend time with him to show attention. If this does not work take him to a doctor who can give meds for this problem because there are meds out there that can help. Spanking and grounding for something like that may not be a good idea.

Answer 7

Your doctor is wrong. Please call another doctor and get a second opinion on your son. Your son is suffering from nocturnal enuresis. The emotional and mental pain he is putting himself through is more than enough, he needs your love, guidance and support. This is NOT a behavioral issue this is a PHYSICAL issue. He does not wet the bed on purpose, he can not help it. If he were asthmatic or diabetic you would not ridicule him and treat him like a second class citizen. Stand up for him and be his rescuer and not his tormentor. Your mission should be to find a doctor that can help him and not find more demeaning punishments to further humiliate him. There are many successful treatments for your son. He desperately needs you to support him and find him the help he needs. It is a HORRENDOUS idea to make him use diapers and forbid his use of the toilet at home - that borders on child abuse. You are frustrated, but he is scared and probably thinks he is a terribly bad person whom no one loves. He needs help and you need to help him find it. Please read these helpful websites below.

Answer 8

my nephew went the bed until he was at least that old and it isn't all that uncommon. there are many reason for it. stress being one of them. if you are stressing your child out about wetting the bed then that could be a reason. some kids sleep so soundly they simply don't wake up en ought to realize they need to go.

you may want to do a sleep test. You may also want to get a second opinion. also cutting out fluids after 6o'clock is a good idea.they also have alarms that can be used to wake up a child with this problem. however punishing a child for a problem they cannot control is NOT a good thing nd will not resolve nor lettlng a younger sibling be put in control. this is called playing favorites in my book.

Answer 9

the best thing for you to do is put the boy on diapers, but continue letting him use the toilet (cause thats what you want right??). I'm upset with you that you resorted towards violence and punishing your child for something that he can't handle, but your fed up and I can try to understand your situation. Try this. Don't let him drink after an hour after dinner (try eating dinner an hour earlier) and make sure that he goes pee right before bed put a diaper on him. And if worse comes to worse wake the boy up at midnight to go to the washroom and go back to bed. This could become a routine for him. Try being helpful with the boy cause this could be so embarrassing for your child and could lead to depression if your punishment continues.

Answer 10

You need to stop him from having drinks after a certain time. Make sure he uses the restroom immediately before bed. Also you could set an alarm clock in his bedroom for the middle of the night so that he can get himself up. These are all things I've had to do with my son. He is now 9 and has stopped wetting the bed as long as I make sure he uses it before bed.