I'm a bridesmaid in an upcomming wedding. The matron of honor is not attending the bachelorette party. Should we still ask her to pitch in money for the party? (We split the bridal shower between all of the brides maids and planned on doing the same with the bachelorette party until the matron of honor announced that should would not be attending.)
2006-09-18 07:28:32 · 26 answers · asked by Kelli550 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
She is not attending because some event came up at her church (which she is very active in.) The party was already planned and invitations already sent out.
2006-09-18 07:35:58 · update #1
She should be asked to pay for the bride's part. I'm not sure what type of party you are throwing but the bride should be going/eating/drinking for free. You could definately say that since she can't attend you thought she would still want to help pay since its not the bridesmaids faults that she can't come.
It is rude for her not to come. She's in the wedding-she should definately be there!
2006-09-20 07:43:54 · answer #1 · answered by newjerseygirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Bachelorette parties are not mandatory to have and be a part of.
To her, church event is important to her, as she seems a devoted religious person. No one has a right to say anything against her attendance at church. Doesn't mean the bride is less important. It means the bachelorette party is not a priority when she is helping out in other area's.
If she does not attend the party, then no she does not need to pitch in. You can ask if she is interested in helping out in another way like decorations or "games". But as far as money goes, if she helps out in the craft or food department, pretty much there is her "contribute". If she is not doing any involvement, I feel it is rude to ask her to pay up on something she didn't participate at al in. Especially since she has other duties for the bride. Just split the cost with the remaining bridesmaids who are attending. There should not be a big jump in cost if all divide her share, especially if be wise with spending.
2006-09-19 03:03:36 · answer #2 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I was in a similar situation with my best friend getting married, except I was the maid of honor. I missed the shower when I went on a month trip a couple months before her wedding, and I didn't contribute anything to it. I asked if they wanted me to send or make something that they could take, or contribute money wise, and the grooms mother (who planned the shower) said that she would take care of it. None of the bridesmaids contributed to that other then a few snacks that they brought. When I threw the bachelorette party I asked the girls if they could contribute and they said that they did their share with the shower and I ended up paying for the bride. I was a bit upset because we did a group afternoon/evening thing, we got our nails done, then went to a dinner theater, so it cost nearly $100 just for the Brides share, not including mine. I didn't think that as very fair, so I would bring it up with the maid of honor. Explain how you liked the idea that everyone split the shower expenses and were hoping to do the same, ask if she could or would like to contribute. She might not, but it wouldn't hurt to ask, that way she'd feel more included. I wish that I could have done something for my friends shower. If she doesn't, dont pressure her, but I dont think that it would hurt to ask. Hope I helped a little and didn't just ramble on.
2006-09-18 15:28:36 · answer #3 · answered by Hannah 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes she should contribute to the party especially since the invitations have already been sent out. Its not like the party is a surprise. the MOH is responsible for this party and even though she cannot attend I would think she would do everything in her power to make sure all t's are crossed and i's dotted so her friend can have a good time in spite of her absence.
2006-09-18 15:27:40 · answer #4 · answered by toyloy27 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Key word here is that you "planned on doing the same with the bachelorette party". Definitely ask for her contribution.
Now whether she does or not is on her but, since she agreed to help out to begin with, she should still be willing to help make the bride's party a success..whether she's able/willing to attend or not.
2006-09-18 15:41:35 · answer #5 · answered by Survivors Ready? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She should definetly contribute. I was in a wedding and didnt want to go to the shower and put in the amount I was suppose to like the rest of the bridesmaids. If the party pays for the shower it shouldn't matter if you attend or not.
2006-09-18 15:26:14 · answer #6 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just had my best firends Bach Party Sat. It was fantastic by the way. What I would is designate the MH a task...decorations...cake...something. Then she can help on the cost and she is still apart of it even though she isn't there. If there isn't something that she can pick up, I think that asking for some $$ is fine. Parties are expensive and the MH has a big role to play...I'm sure she would be planning on chipping in anyways. I know I would! :)
2006-09-18 14:48:57 · answer #7 · answered by ME 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
MOH Etiquette deems that she agreed to host the party, as the host of the party it is her duty to be sure of 2 things... First, She should be sure that expenses are covered (if that means having a smaller party to match a smaller budget then thats what takes, if it means getting all the bridemaids to chip in then that too is her reponsibilty). Second, she has to be sure that she (or someone responsible) can host the actual event in her absence. Also from what you said she agreed previously to sharing the expenses with you.
So in answer to your question... yes you should ask that she contribute as she was supposed to be the primary in the party plans. Should she tell you that she cannot contribute dont force the issue (her other duties as MOH may be draining her budget) but certainly at least ask her.
2006-09-18 17:36:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
As the maid of honor she should be there, no matter what her reason. This is one of the main responsibilities of the maid of honor...If I was the bride I would demote her and make someone else the maid of honor. If she still refuses to attend she should buy everything needed for the party and supply it ahead of time...she is supposed to pay for it anyway. If you agreed to split it equally than she should still put in her share.
2006-09-18 23:09:52 · answer #9 · answered by Country Girl for Life 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tough call... personally, I would not ask her to contribute. Rather, I would ask her if she would LIKE to contribute in some capacity. Since she is not attending I don't think it's her responsibility to pay for everything that all of the girls do (If you are getting transportation, etc). But it would be in good taste for her to contribute a bit of money to help the bride pay for her expenses for the evening (dinner, drinks, cover at clubs, etc).
Just ask if she would be interested in donating any funds towards the brides's expenses. If you put it that way then it would not seem like you were asking her to help pay everyone else's way.
2006-09-18 15:24:43 · answer #10 · answered by PT&L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋