I am having a bit of a problem with a woman that I am dating. I am 24 and she is 31, which is not the problem. The problem is that we both have had some hurts in our past that make it hard to be in relationships with others. The issue in this case is that every time we start to get close (emotionally) she reaches a certain point and then backs off. This happens over and over, and we are not making any progress beyond a certain point. I am not sure that I can take this back and forth all the time, and I am wondering if I should stay in the pocket or bail out.
2006-09-18 07:17:03 · 7 answers · asked by geohauss 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
We have been dating for about two months. Im not exactly looking for marriage with her, but what is happening is that she will be very interested one day and not look at me the next. I should also add that because we run in the same circles, we have alot of the same friends and see each other in non-dating situations several times a week.
2006-09-18 07:25:17 · update #1
As you already know, the problem isn't you and it's not even really her. Not intentionally at least. It's hard to trust after being hurt by someone. The more times you've been hurt, the harder it is to trust. people with alot emotional baggage are extremely hard to have good relationships with. Whether you stay or leave, is entirely your decision base upon your feelings for her and whether or not you feel enough for her to help her face her pain, forgive those who have caused her this pain and give her the security she needs to heal those wounds and move on with you in a trusting bond.
2006-09-18 07:31:07 · answer #1 · answered by oldman 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What are you in a rush for? How can you set a time limit?The simple answer is that if you enjoy her company then continue, if her shying away from you has upset the balance of the relationship and turned it into a deficit situation for you then back off yourself. It seems as if you are ready to move ahead in your life and shes hanging onto her past. There isn't anything you can do about this, this is all in her court. No one gets out of life without past hurts, but she has made this part of her present reality.
2006-09-18 14:24:54 · answer #2 · answered by UselessOM 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First you have to ask yourself, can I deal with her answer? Have you talked about yours and her past relationships? Try to find some common ground on why she keeps backing off, feelings hurt,scared, or just cold feet? some times all you can do is ask if she has a problem with you(is it me that scares you or the thought of getting hurt again?) Try to talk about the last hurt and why both of you are scared to go to the next level( it may not be her you may be showing signs of doubt yourself and causing her to back away) Be more open and show your true feelings and she may just see that you can be that one for her.
2006-09-18 14:30:32 · answer #3 · answered by datsbigdaddy2u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe the age is a problem for her. She could be worried that if she gets to close to you that you would leave her one day for someone your own age. You should try talking to her and asking her why she pulls away from you.
2006-09-18 14:22:26 · answer #4 · answered by heaven o 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Set your cards on the table. Let her know what you want. If she still holds back, just bail! Maybe you're not what she needs :(
2006-09-18 14:23:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her exactly that if uer not ready to get into a more serious relationship I gots to go
2006-09-18 14:20:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't indicate how long you have been seeing this woman. Try not pressuring her to get "close," and maybe you will achieve what you desire.
2006-09-18 14:21:34 · answer #7 · answered by Nefertiti 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋