she says we need to go to theropy and the other day she was saying as long as i tell her the truth she will believe me then my aunt acused me of stealing her cigerattes and my mom called me a liar when i said i didn't and told me i was going to have to eat a pack of cigerattes?
2006-09-18 07:14:27 · 18 answers · asked by hot_pink_gurl85 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I think you should go with her to therapy. It sounds like she needs it and she's willing to go if you go too. Just think of it as a way to get her help.
2006-09-18 07:18:38 · answer #1 · answered by cldb730 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow...
Okay, first things first: I think counseling is a great idea. If nothing else, a good counselor will be able to diffuse your mom and make sure she understands that it would be inappropriate and abusive for her to "make you eat a pack of cigarettes."
Remember that a therapist is there for you as well as for her... and your best bet might be some seperate sessions as well as joint sessions.
If you're stealing the cigarettes, obviously you need to stop and you also need to be honest. I think, even if you make a mistake and do something wrong, as long as you own up to it, your mother will feel like you guys are making progress.
If, on the other hand, you're not doing anything wrong, then your mother and aunt need to get a grip and a therapist could be a good ally for you in these situations. Maybe they need to explore a bit further than assuming that you are doing something wrong.
In my house, we assumed that my autistic son was the one sneaking food, stealing from the other kids, getting into certain things, etc... then we found out it was my husband's 15 year old daughter. Now we have a clearer picture of what's going on in our own home. Sometimes parents are not geniuses :(
If your mother says "therapy" then welcome it. I think your whole family could benefit from some intervention at this point.
My best to you....
2006-09-18 14:22:05 · answer #2 · answered by thegirlwholovedbrains 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her you can have a blood test to prove you didn't smoke, then sit back and think about what you are really arguing about. Therapy might be just what you need. Go and be HONEST with the therapist.
If she really tries to make you eat a pack, that's not cool. Of course don't act like a screaming baby to add to the problem, but back off and see what happens. Most likely it's just a threat, if it's not then ask your school psychologist what to do. It doesn't mean you are claiming abuse and they can't tell your parents what you say unless you allow them or are going to hurt yourself or others.
A lot of times kids don't realize that if they were just nice and did what they were told, when they were told to do it, their parents would be easier on them.
If you are told to do something illegal or immoral, by all means do not. Otherwise just do your job as a kid- your chores and school, minding your manners all the time. If you do, I bet your mom will back off.
Whether you like it or not, the parent is in charge. When you grow up and move out, you can do what you want within the boundaries of the law, of course.
2006-09-18 16:00:42 · answer #3 · answered by logical_centrist 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like you haven't been totally honest with your mom in the past, and now it is hard for her to trust you. I went through this with my mom when I was a teenager. It may take a while, but you will have to regain her trust. As far as her just accusing you of things and then saying you're going to eat a pack of cigarettes, I would say that's pretty childish on her part. You two really need to sit down and talk about a lot of things. Going to see a therapist together might not be too bad of an idea. Good Luck!
2006-09-18 14:18:39 · answer #4 · answered by Crystal C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My mom and I have a good relationship. She is always there for me. She is my mom but she is one of my best-friends as well. We did go through that stage where we did not agree on anything and had a lot of arguments. I think you should have a heart-to-heart with her. Look her straight in her eyes when you talk to her. Your aunt and your mom found you guilty based on an assumption, they did not have any evidence, nor did they see you take it. Therefore, every one they did not see take it should also be a suspect and accused of stealing. Tell her it hurts to be accused of something you didn't do. Tell her what hurts the most is that you thought she trusted you and that she would trust you until you gave her reasons and proof that she can no longer trust you.
2006-09-18 14:29:24 · answer #5 · answered by Christa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You two SHOULD go to therapy. It doens't mean there is anything wrong with you, but you mom sounds like she has some issues.
It is very common for moms and daughters to not get along. heck, mine called me a wh0re and an alcoholic when i went to college - because she never went to college, she thought that was the only reason women went - was to be promiscuous (nevermind my engineering degree... and no, I don't talk to her anymore at ALL)
Sometimes moms have a hard time relating to their daughters because they are jealous, or because they see too much of themselves in their daughters, or because they know what trouble they caused at the same age - underneath it all, unless they are HORRIBLE people, they are just trying to protect you - and at the same time they are faced with their own mortality every day when they look at you.
Try therapy, it may uncover some interesting issues with your mom, but in the end it will help you both learn to communicate better with each other - and maybe when you are my age, you and your mom will get along JUST fine!!
2006-09-18 14:21:57 · answer #6 · answered by KB 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That will happen when you live together. If you are old enough to move out - do it. I can't tell you how much better it will be for your relationship. If you have to live with her for a few more years, then I would say that therapy can be good. It will get you to open up the lines of communication and that is always good.
2006-09-18 14:16:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
tough situation.
have you lied to her frequently in the past? does she have reason not to trust you? if so, the only way to earn back her trust is to tell her you want to "start over" on the trust issue. then be honest with her, even if it's going to get you into trouble. the only way to have a good relationship is to have a trusting relationship. the only way to have a trusting relationship is to be honest, even if it's tough.
eat a pack of cigarettes? that would make you very very sick.
2006-09-18 14:20:39 · answer #8 · answered by Becky 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well did you? your going to have to get creative on your lying tell your mom that she can believe whatever she wants as long as you know you telling the truth ... that way she'll think twice on accusing you of lying ... mom's aren't supposed to get along with us that's why you have friends .. hang in there keep smiling act good buy your own cigarettes hide them well and then when you reach 18 move out!! start saving don't tell anyone your plan good luck
2006-09-18 14:20:40 · answer #9 · answered by Don't get me started 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow eat a pack of cigarettes. That's not nice. Maybe you guys should go to therapy.
2006-09-18 14:16:05 · answer #10 · answered by Jen G 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋