This is a sort of uneasy subject for a parent to talk about, so please only advice from other parents.?

Question

My three year old daughter likes to touch herself. I know it's normal and I have always just ignored it because I don't want her to be ashamed or to feel like she is doing anything wrong. But she is getting older and she grabs herself infront of other people now, not just at home. My mom even called me and asked me why she keeps grabbing her privates. Now, I know some would suspect abuse and she is touching herself because of something like that, but I can assure you that's not the case. I'm a stay at home mom and I am with my daughter at all times. She has just always had a fasination with herself, even from real early on. How do I approach a three year old on something like this? I don't want to embarrass her or make her feel like it's wrong. I just can't have her grabbing herself in public. Help! I don't know how to handle this. I know she is young but how much can she understand this early on in life about when is a right time to "play" with yourself. Any advice?

Answer 1

A child can have their first orgasm at six months. It's good that you don't want her to be ashamed of it, too many kids have been told sex and/or masturbation is BAD, and they are afraid to go to their parents about sexually stuff when they are older. Try to explain to her, depending on her maturity level, that although this behavior is not wrong, it's not something we do in the store or sitting in front of the tv. My friend had a five yr old who did this and she told her that if she felt the need to do that sort of stuff, she needed to go to her room under the covers and away from other people. Be confident, even if you don't feel like you are. Talking to your daughter about sexual stuff know will leave room for open conversation in the future (puberty, sex, etc) although it's a long way away your daughter will respect you for being open with her.

Answer 2

You are doing the right thing by not yelling at her. You would never want her to thing that's wrong to do. My daughter has done this. If we caught her doing it in public, we'd take her aside and tell her that it's not proper to do that at the store. If she's not listening after a few times of pulling her aside, tell her that if you catch her doing it in public places that she will get a 1/2 hour time out when she gets home and just explain that it's something she should do at home, not outside of the house. I do that when my daughter is acting up in public. But maybe that would work in that situation also. Or if she's doing it in public, ask her if she has to go pee or something. My daughter grabs herself when she has to pee, or she says she's "itchy". Is your daughter itchy? If so, talk to a pediatrician, maybe she has a yeast infection or something.

Answer 3

Children do this from a very early age. You are right about this being normal. I am a preschool teacher and heard of this behavior countless times. Don't punish her or she will only cause feel shamed and it will give the behavior more attention. You can, when you see it happen, let her know that "This is an inappropriate behavior to show others or do in public. If you need to do this, do it in you room or somewhere private." Good luck!

Answer 4

Its not wrong, but part of being older is knowing when and where certain things are appropriate and where they are not. You need to, with out making a huge deal out of it, redirect her whn you see her starting in a public place. Take her mind off it with a different activity, or tell her she needs to do those things in the bathroom.

If the activity is more frequent then before, it could be an indicater of a UTI or a yeast infection. Both would cause a senseation that a child would respond to with scratching, touching ect.

Answer 5

This happens with kids. It's normal. I have found it even harder to keep boys from touching themselves!!! lol. Anyway, just tell her she needs to do that in private. Think of it as something normal -- like teaching her not to pick her nose or chew with her mouth open. It's so very normal for children and it just freaks us parents out. You're doing the right thing by not embarrassing her or making her think it is wrong. Don't' tell her not to do it. Just make sure she does it in private.

Good Luck!

Answer 6

actually this was a subject that our pediatrician talked to us about. He told me that it was completly normal and that children really at that age don't know what they are doing. all they know is that it feels good so they continue...in time she will grow out of it. Right now you really don't need to tell her to stop because she will think it is "bad" to touch herself and later in life she might have problems. I would just try to sit her down and let her know that it is natural to be curious but lets not be curious when we go places.. maybe you can try to curb her from it when you go places if you constantly hold her hand or keep her busy...after a while she will forget all about it and problem is solved.

Answer 7

You don't need to go into the sordid details with your daughter; just explain that there are things that are OK to do by yourself, in the privacy of your room (touching yourself, picking your nose, etc.), but those things are not OK to do when there's other people around. If she starts to do that in public, you gently but firmly pull her aside and tell her, "No, sweetie, that's a private thing -- we don't do that when we're at grandma's/going shopping/in preschool/whatever. She doesn't need to know why, it's enough for her to know that's it's not OK because Mama says so.

Answer 8

Just explain to your daughter that there is a time and place for everything. Not in public. Explain that she wouldn't pull her pants down in public or in front of other people and the same goes for touching herself. Give her reminders if you need to, but don't call attention to it.

Answer 9

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Answer 10

This is very common although it can make parents uncomfortable. I would let her know that this is her body but if she is going to touch "privates" she needs to do it in her home. Short, simple and to the point. Make it clear but in a non threatening tone. She will stop this as she gets a bit older.