Lutheran/Catholic wedding/blessing?

Question

My boyfriend and I have decided to get married. He is Catholic and I am Lutheran. I do not agree with the Catholic church at all. He wants to have at least a Catholic blessing. I am a little nervous about doing anything Catholic because I have read about "having to promise to raise all children Catholic" and I don't want to do that. We went to talk with the Pastor at my Lutheran church and he said something about going somewhere in the middle.. he mentioned the Episcopal church. I was wondering about that church/religion. And also, can a blessing be done BEFORE a wedding? I told my boyfriend that I would do the blessing before a real wedding and then we can look into other churches later. (Non-denominational, etc..)

Does anybody have any thoughts or ideas? Thanks. (I am 32 and my boyfriend is 31. We have been together for 9 years. We don't have any children now).

Some things I forgot to mention..

I have gone to a Catholic church before, and it was confusing and hard to follow along. (Even my sister in law said this and is now a Lutheran).

Basically, I don't like all the rules a Catholic church has. That's what I don't like about it.

I have known Joe was Catholic since we first met 9 years ago, it just never was an issue until now with a marriage and family.

I think I cleared up most of the questions people asked me... if not, I'll do this again. :)

Answer 1

I'm Catholic, my husband Lutheran - we got married with both priests, in a Lutheran church. in German it's called 'oekomene' but I couldn't find an english word for that. You nowadays don't promise to raise your kiddies catholic but with the laws of God which actually are the same for all Christians! Now stop worrying, get informed about catholic traditions and then everything will be fine! take care and good luck!

Answer 2

I think you have to ask the question, why get married in a church, and not in a civil ceremony? For most, it is probably a recognition that marriage is something greater than a sheet of paper created by the state. Marriage is an institution created by God to last a lifetime (plus being in a church shows you want him to be present in your marriage).

For Catholics, having a priest or deacon to witness the ceremony is an essential part of marriage, indeed a requirement for it to be valid and a sacrament, a source of grace. If all you want is a sheet of paper, then why go to a church at all? But if you want something more, support your husband enough to talk to a priest. A Catholic wedding does not have to be during Mass, or there are options where you can get permission to marry in another church with the Catholic church's "blessing", or ways to have a ceremony with both ministers participating.

Yes, there will often be more preparation requirements for a Catholic wedding, usually some kind of questionnaire and a retreat. But these are not just hoops to jump through, every step has been proven to help people have better, lifelong, happy marriages. If that's the kind of marriage you want, why not make the investment ahead of time with some good preparation.

Note: you do not have to promise to raise the children Catholic. You are not Catholic and could never be required to make such a promise. Your future spouse on the other hand probably wants to raise the children Catholic. You need to work this out, as the old "we'll let them decide when they're old enough" doesn't work. Almost every child I know who was raised that way choses to have no religion at all... children should be raised in one faith.

Answer 3

Lily is wrong. I am Catholic. The Catholic religion recognizes Lutheran baptisms and marriages. It is the only religion in which they will recognize these things. My son was bapitized in a Lutheran church and my priest recognizes his bapitism. I am wondering how much you really know about the Catholic religion. The Lutheran and Catholic religions are almost exactly the same. Have you ever been to a Catholic mass? I'm sure you will find it to be very much like your Lutheran masses. We say pretty much the same prayers, do the same things... I am willing to bet that out of all the other religions, Lutherans and Catholics are the most alike, so I can't see how you can say you do not agree with the Catholic religion at all. I think you need to do some more research. Sorry if I am going off on this, but I am sick of the bad rap Catholics get. I think most of it comes from ignorance.

Answer 4

If you are planning on marrying a Catholic, you are going to have to tolerate Catholic teachings that are not in sync with Lutheranism, and vice versa as well. It's that simple.

It's nice to see you and your's have the wherewithall to recognize the differences between your denominations - and wish to work them out ahead of time.

I think, what you really need to do, is think about what religion is. The idea that, if you do not like the rules of one denomination, you can just switch to another is, in my opinion, reckless.

Christian denominations are not mere social clubs that you can, or should, join or quit at the drop of a hat.

You are currently a Lutheran, but so what? What good is calling yourself a Lutheran if you are ready to bail out for the Episcopal?

If you are 'that' ready to drop one Christian denomination for another, why are so (dare I say) anti-Catholic? You seem to have an underlying anti-Catholic bias, and that is not a good thing, especially if you want to marry one.

You will learn tolerance, and maybe even acceptance. So will your boyfriend. If even one of you is unwilling to do this, don't get married. "Until death do you part" is not open for interpretation. Are you ready?

Answer 5

There are a lot of similarities between the Lutheran and Catholic ceremony. The blessings aren't where you promise to raise the children in any particular denomination. You can have a Catholic priest do a blessing at a protestant ceremony.

We are both Catholic and worked with a close priest friend to write our entire ceremony, including choosing appropriate scriptrual readings, blessings, music and vows, none of which were strictly Catholic.

Answer 6

honey - you two really need to come to grips with this before the wedding - otherwise it's a desaster waiting to happen. don't be afraid - to have your marriage blessed by the Rcc you don't have to promise to raise your children Rcc. there have been many inter denominational marriages. often the preist (if friends of the family) will take part in the celebration by readings offering some words - whatnot.
please don't be worried -- you can have both. the lutheran denomination is quite similar to the Rcc. just try at least, for your bf and go from there. but if you're both strong Christians, truly this has to be figured out beforehand.

Answer 7

No you no longer have to promise to raise your child as a Catholic...especially if all you are getting from the Catholic church at your wedding is a blessing (and why in the world would you not want a blessing?..a blessing is a blessing)

It would be GROSSLY unfair to him if he couldn't have part of his own church be involved in the wedding ceremony.

By the way - many couples these days DO worship at their own churches...no biggie. But if you want one that is a good compromise, I agree with your pastor...the Episcopal church is a good choice and happy medium.

Answer 8

Ok, I'm Catholic.....And yes, you need to honour your Boyfriend's wish seeing this is life time commitment.....He was raised as a Catholic and its his right to have his church or "father" bless the union.

Not everything you here about "The Church Of God" (Catholic Church) is true. Give it a chance and just go with your BF for a service. Maybe you can do what me and my husband did, he's from the Nazarene Church.....we decided before we got married that I when we have children.....I take the girls to my Church and he would take the Boys to his Church.....which is only fair......

Answer 9

I was going to say you know how the Luthern church started right? Martin Luther broke off of the Catholic church, meaning they are REALLY similar. In fact, I think that the Luthern church is more similar to the Catholic church compared to other protestant faiths. So I really think it's odd that you say that you "don't agree with the Catholic church at all".

You should probably go to a Mass and observe. It's just a lot of ritual, like most religions. Then you could go talk to the priest and see what he has to tell you. A lot of (good) priests will help you out. Of course there are always bad apples, just like in any bunch, so if you don't get the responce you want with the first priest, try another at a different parrish.

Answer 10

You'd think that if you had been together for nine years, you two would have this religion thing all worked out by now. Did you just take turns going to one another's church services? How does he feel about not raising your children Catholic? How do his parents feel? If there's no resolution, perhaps a civil wedding is in order.