People I need opinions and thoughts?

Question

OK no laughing please, just tell me what you think:

I live in a world
Of anger and hate
Where crying is normal
Where fear is accepted
Where nothing is calm

Yet there is beauty

In trees and in seas
In sunsets and dawn
In stars made of diamonds
Just look at it all!

But it can be lost

The bombs and the wars
The fighting and hurt
Twistied life, no beauty
In today's violent world
What horror is this?

But let there be hope

In gladness in life
Dance, rejoice for joy
In life's quiet pleasures
In oceans of beauty
Yes, hope is there still

But we must work hard
For it to come true.

OK yeah so just thoughts and opinions....OK it's laughable but I need some thoughts.

yeah I wrote it....just like 5 minutes ago....just a quick piece to write out my feelings....lol it's crap but I needed to see it the ideas were true.

krittiangel--very touching. I know how you feel--I went through it, but it's not so sad once you're in college

Answer 1

Beautiful, did you write it? Very in tune with Buddhist teachings.

Answer 2

Moving on and meeting new people
Seems like the most interesting thing
New buddies, new galpals
A whole new world to explore

At first, tears never came and overflowed
All there was was excitement
Laughter, amazement and gladness
For the final year in high school's about to be uncovered

But during the last days, things changed.
Memories and good times of the past shone,
Clouded our minds as we thought of leaving
While all the emotions altogether brewed.

All of a sudden, tear-floods overflowed, unmanageable.
Rivers of crystalline tears mixed with sobs,
Reminiscing the past seemed to be hard.
To grasp the thought was unbearable.

"Why do I cry?", I asked.
I always wanted to leave, didn't I?
"Can't wait to get out of here" were my initial words
But why and why now are my questions.

Sadness creeps in and heart full of sorrow
As I sat with clouded eyes, still crying.
Nothing will be lost, I thought.
All's well. I'll look forward to tomorrow.

All of these are foolish things to say.
Foolish...fooling myself is what I'm doing.
All the friends and teachers that I've known
Cannot be replaced in any way.

Sure, new experiences will come.
But will these outshine the old ones?
Love and understanding have grown for five years.
Hard to comprehend why it's all ending.

Life goes on, they say.
But now all I want is life to be as it is.
Joy fills my heart in this place.
Nothing more to ask for, I prayed.

Goodbye...goodbye...final goodbye
In these last few days of woe and sorrow.
Tears mixed with laughter echoes in the halls
As the cover closes in the final days of this chapter

Answer 3

I love poetry like this. Cries of an aching soul that can not be comprehended by most. The cries of a wolf in the darkness. Not to steal sheep in the night, but to understand it's own right.

Below is a poem from the only poet I would even consider to read from. He was a 12th or 13th century muslim mystic. Mystic meaning he does niot think like most. He even walked with a prophet that was after the prophet muhammad(pbuh). So in an essence, it could have been muhammad(pbuh) or a manifestation of one of the old. RUMI

Answer 4

I like where you are going with this. It's stating the obvious - which often NEEDS to be stated :-) so, it's universally appealing. I like the rhythm, the cadence. However, I believe you can make this a stronger work by reaching deep inside yourself and changing the
'voice' you are writing in from slightly preachy, as in tellin others what to do, to speaking from YOUR truth about what you feel. You started in this Internal Voice of the Observer. I believe your work will become stronger if you continue from there./

Answer 5

I enjoyed your writings. It follows what I believe to be true. Continue to spread the word, and perhaps, we can make this peace come true someday.

Blessed Be, Aho,
Fenix

Answer 6

Wow, did you write that? I've tried to write poems, but sadly, nothing. I'm to dull and I try and FORCE my creativity, which of course doesn't work.

Answer 7

I think it is a very well-done poem on the juxtaposition of good/evil.

Answer 8

I know zilch about poetry but I thought it wasn't bad at all, soothing and moving.

Answer 9

I didn't see a question but I think the poem is great.

Answer 10

I don't see anything laughable about it. I think it is very good.